Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

Its not the leap you think it is. The mother of my relative agreed to let the first happy couple of less than one year move in. When that relationship.predictably ended (who would have thought a young man irresponsible, selfish, and immature enough to forgo a condom and thought everyone should have been delighted at his accomplishment would turn out to be an unreliable father and partner - astonishing, right?) he expected his dear old.mum to cheerfully let him move the second mother and baby in. And sadly, she did.

Cycles do indeed repeat.

To the OP - do not let them move in with you. Your son needs to grow up very fast, and having the entire responsibility of his own life squarely upon himself will be very good for all concerned.

Realistically I would hope it means he has to quit the studying for now and get a job that means he can provide a home and support for his imminent child. He can always resume his studies later.

When I chose to become a parent I quite rightly parked the other plans I had for myself in order to put time into raising my children.

I went back to studying when they were a little older and eventually carved out a decent career for myself.

I think it should be the same whether you are the father or mother. Our parents can be a great help with advice and childcare but parenting is a big responsibility we have to rise up to. If we don’t the only people who suffer are our children.

Plus the application fees which are thousands of pounds. He will need to get saving! And a good job!

If they are committed to having a baby - with support of parents obviously but in a grand parenting and not parenting way - then the son of the op has a good chance of being a great long term father who can step up and be there for his new family - we all know this is difficult at any age.

She will get hoofed out of the UK. He might move to Korea, struggle mightily as he adjusts to fatherhood in a country where he will be illiterate and unable to communicate with his in-laws. He might be able to pick up poorly paid ESL work. Thry will split in all likelihood, she will face massive stigma and disadvantage as a single mother in a conservative culture and he will lose contact with his child. I can see why the OP is less than thrilled TBH

grandma at 38!

OP - unless the Korean girlfriend is sufficiently skilled to gain sponsorship from an employer, her only route to return to the UK after going home and finishing her degree would be if your son was earning enough to sponsor her - he’ll need a salary of £29,000 a year for at least six months.

You must’ve had a teen pregnancy yourself so he’s waited longer than you, at least.

But yes it’s not what I’d want for my 20 year old son.

Good points:support your son with the practicalities. Perhaps he broke the news this way because he didn’t know how else to tell you. If so, that’s some insight into your relationship?

Indeed.

Utterly Ridiculous response. I’m not suggesting she should be joyous… I’m suggesting that a mother who has been through it herself should be more understanding!

Let’s not pretend that South Korea is any less dysfunctional.

Yes.

Discord will be the place.

Given you were yourself pregnant so young and have managed to raise a son who is clearly doing well academically etc as a young mum, he probably didnt expect you to be so disappointed. How long was your relationship with his father? Are you together? Perhaps he feels a 6mth relationship with someone he cares about is ok if you did similar/it worked out for you? Or even he is just being a good man and standing by his responsibilities and happy that he is going to be a Dad. He needs support not judgement though I 100% get your shock and he could've done it as a surprise but away from everyone

@Ariel896 I think OP means discord, it's a chat system a lot of gamers use

I read this as a typo for Discord to be fair.

You'll need to make sure ds knows the terms of her student visa, will she be able to access specific antenatal care here ? Presumably she finishes her degree in May/June time which is probably why he's asking if they can stay with you as I can't imagine student accommodation agreeing to a student having a baby in that accomodation? If your ds is 20, what year is he in ? Appreciate that he hasn't gone about this terribly well but sounds like he's going to need practical support for the next 9 months whilst he navigates all this.

Are South Korean people queuing up to move to a small increasingly dysfunctional island in the North Atlantic?

OP, so posters stop questioning your validity, why did you put discard next to your ds meeting her online?

OP, how would he be able to support a partner and baby financially if he is in the first year of a degree and managing on student funding?

None of us know if the OP is genuine.. but that’s often the case in real life too .
Unless you know she’s a fake - why not be “kind”? And if that isn’t you then go for another thread ?

Visa ?

I think the point of this post - which many people have jumped on for not being the same - was written as a cautionary tale to provide good advice.

He is an adult and needs to step up if he is to be a dad - not be protected by parents so much he experiences no consequences.

If they are committed to having a baby - with support of parents obviously but in a grand parenting and not parenting way - then the son of the op has a good chance of being a great long term father who can step up and be there for his new family - we all know this is difficult at any age.

He’s not automatically destined to end up with multiple children he doesn’t father, but if he’s enabled by the people in his life on this occasion to be absolved of responsibility because he’s young it could be a possibility ……. I don’t want to put words in this poster’s mouth but I imagine it’s what’s being alluded to.

Support him to do his best and be responsible for his new child, his life is different now and he has to deal with it, with your support.

The way he told you was awful for you, but his mind was working a certain way when he did it. Try and have a private non judgmental chat at an appropriate time later, I’m sure it will reveal more than the way it’s been surprised upon you.

A. You have no idea what her circumstances were.
B. As I said before no one asking about her view on pregnancy or her family’s views.
call this Mumsnet?hardly female supporting