Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

Unless, of course…

Yes of course, plans of the mother to return home, nationality and how PR works for the child, expectations in Korean society for the father, the parents of the mother what is their view culturally of what should or shouldnt happen and how does that impact on OP and her son. Where and how is the child to be brought up, who is going to see the child.

YANBU. The way he told you suggests a level of immaturity in itself. Also his future plans of them all living with you when you haven't even met this woman are entitled. You'll basically end up bank rolling everyone. They may never be able to afford to move out.
I have to agree it seems that this woman may have been after a legal reason to stay in the UK, especially with the age difference and speed of getting pregnant.
I'd be so disappointed if he was my son. These things are pretty avoidable had he taken the right precautions.

"I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!"
I saw that line and thought hmmm, somewhat making it about you.

Yeah. the 'present' was bad, but people that age can be naive. I think the right response here is "right, the situation has happened, how supportive can we be?"

My oldest son was so uncomfortable telling us that his 19 year old girlfriend was expecting. Her parents hit the roof and said that they wouldn't support them and she had to get rid of it. We said take our bedroom and we bought a sofa bed and kipped in the lounge for over a year. Our house was very crowded as we had us two, our 4 grown up-ish kids, the girl and then the baby in a 3 bed semi. It was both hard at times but also wonderful. Our grandaughter is now 6 and wonderful and she also has a 3 year old brother now.

Discard? Oh come on.

I call bullshit that a 38yo doesn't know or hasn't heard of Discord. I'm 44 and been using it for years.

Everywhere has a discord community or has spoken about them at some point,

She probably won’t need sponsorship or a spouse visa now. Her baby will be a British citizen so she will have some protection under the “right to family life” article 8 of the European convention on human rights. She’s very likely to be granted leave to remain. So if she wanted to stay in the U.K. she has struck gold.

You never know OP, she might move back to South Korea and then the baby won't be a problem for you or your son.

You're such a hypocrite, maybe your son could have used a condom?

I would imagine OP was in shock initially and didn’t react the way she may have done with hindsight. My dd announced during a meal out that she was pregnant with her boyfriend of six months. I admittedly reacted with disappointment - it comes as a huge shock when just announced out of no-where. Afterwards, when everything sinks in, the support comes into play. But my dd was 26, and I think I would have been very worried if my ds at 20 announced he was going to be a father so early into a relationship. His entire life and future is going to change. It’s sad, because this is the age he should be carefree, enjoying life being with his peers, perhaps travelling, but now his immediate future is going to be that he has to get a job pretty quick - and one that pays enough for him to support his child. He’s going to have to be responsible for a big commitment at such a young age. It’s not something most of us would want for our 20 year olds. And even more worrying is the way he announced it - lack of maturity.

According to Google Ai South Korea is slowly changing regarding mothers outside of wedlock though some social stigma and a why don’t you give it up for adoption it’s not as terrible as it once was including some financial and housing support.

“ The government provides some support (residential housing, financial aid) and has plans to strengthen livelihood stability, but challenges remain. “

I suppose they cannot afford to be too harsh given the declining birth rate.

so may not be as terrible as some imagine if she did go back. Though that brings ops son a whole layer of his child being in another country but that’s always a risk when having a baby with a foreign national

Obviously!
She may well want to return home to live in Korea with the baby and it’s a long way away! 🙄

Well that's good. We manufacture too much these days.

I am fairly certain that I am on a different thread to most here. So good night.

All those saying how did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17/18 …. The circumstances may be totally deferent, they may have been together longer than 6 months , they most probably didn’t meet online, they might not have all moved in with. her family? Totally different situation possibly? OP I have sons slightly older than yours and I’d be upset if one of them declared his having a baby with a woman I’d never met who he’d only known a few months. And I definitely wouldn’t be happy about them all living under my roof. Yep, judge me! I’ve always supported my kids, and I still would, but I wouldn’t have to be thrilled about it, and it’s natural
to be concerned.

No I’m just saying if she thinks 38 is too young, you can objectively see the reason why and how. It’s obvious to an outsider but perhaps OP should consider that and it would help with the shock of being a grandma at 38.

It’s only possible because she had a baby young (which is fine) but to be shocked at it making you a young grandma… well it’s just facts isn’t it. If she had a baby at 25 then it would push back the grandma age and if she had a baby at 30 the grandma age would likely be even older and so forth

I get quite cross about benefit threads, I pay several thousands of pounds in tax every single year, from the pension that I saved and invested in, that has never had tax advantages. Because I was self employed. I did pay for my pension ,Every. Single. Fucking. Year.

Just ignore any of the comments about you being pregnant at 18 - none of us know your circumstances and it's not hypocritical to be upset that your 20 year old university student son announces his girlfriend of just six months is pregnant. The fact that you have never met her just adds to the shock.

The way your son told you was incredibly immature and shows he was too embarrassed/scared to tell you directly in private - that suggests to me that it was news to him too and that he's not yet ready to be a father but he will need to step up.

His girlfriend is six years older than him (I would consider that a lot at 20) and from another continent, so there is a possibility that she got pregnant in order to remain in the country.

Regardless, she is now expecting your grandchild so the best approach is to welcome her into your family once the initial shock subsides.

I think it's ok for parents to want different things for their dc than their own choices.

Learning from things doesn't make you hypocritical.

Not quite as simple as that given that the Korean girlfriend has no right to live and work in the UK so will be relying on OP’s son for sponsorship, which requires him to be earning £29,000 a year (not an easy feat for any young person but likely to be much harder without a degree). He’s 20, so probably at least 1-2 years into his degree - it would be very short-sighted to prioritise a minimum wage, no prospects job now over the possibility of a better-paid, career-type job upon graduation.

Are you not criticising OP for having a baby at 18?

So neither adult took precautions?

In 2025?

I think you are being very hypocritical, given your own age when you had him

Of course it is if she wants to go home with the baby

Nasty? I didn’t write any insults I wrote a fact. Mathematically that’s why it’s possible to be a grandma so young.

It isn't true of course, because Italy has no minimum wage. Which makes the UK far too expensive for manufacturing anything.

... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

I suspect he told you this way because he predicted you'd be mad so wanted other people around to make it safer. Or he thought you'd be happy for him. Either way it's sad. You've pushed him away when he needs your support the most!