Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

Utterly ridiculous response.
We don't know that OPs DS wasn't born from abuse.

Please be kind everyone, everyone has there own stories and my situation was very different so I don't think hypocrite is fair and frankly quite hurtful.

Doesn't sound very good and OP followed it with she knows how hard it is to be a young parent.

I don't necessarily agree with not helping him and the gf (?) out should they need it but everyone giving OP a hard time really need to try and see outside the box.

Not just for this post but for all of them.

all the best op, and basically he should of put a rubber on it

But I think those people can’t have kids who are British citizens. The child can’t be deported as it’s British. They can’t legally deport the mother when her kid has a right to be here.

people struggling to bring a spouse back to the U.K. generally had their kids abroad I believe. So the kids don’t have a right to be here either.

I have a question and it’s sincere, @Becc91
Did your son have you open the “gift” in front of everybody because #1 he thought you’d be excited -or- #2 he wanted to put you on the spot and upset you?
Do you know? Because if it was #1, I’d say you overreacted and if it was #2 he hit a home run.

In any case, I’m hoping you and your boy can find a happy medium. Because that little baby won’t have done anything wrong.
And you might not like being a granny at 38, but you will be just the same.
My mum was horrified when she learned she was to be a granny at 54 - she didn’t want anyone to know. Those were good times.

Sending love from faraway ❤️

It doesn’t work like that. They will tell him to move to Korea to be together. He’ll need to earn £29k otherwise to live here and they’ll have to pay thousands in visa fees and show proof of their relationship etc

People who have been married for years with kids are split apart due to this rule. It really is not like that at all.

DS is an adult, if he didn’t want to be a father he needs to learn to use a condom before he finds himself a serial father.

The only Bristol Uni courses with “innovation” in the title are masters degrees. So this South Korean woman is already degree educated and comes from a background able to fund international study. Korea may have its problems but I see very few educated Koreans seeking visas to work in the UK unless its part of a temporary job transfer.

But yes obviously she is a “furriner” so must be shagging the first available man and “getting herself pregnant” for a visa. 🙄. No racism in that assumption at all.

Meanwhile, in the real world, the UK is way, way down the list of long term choices for degree educated professional classes from developed or developing countries. This has been true for best part of a decade and it has been getting steadily harder to compete with other Western countries for educated talent from places which traditionally sought work here.

The level of assumption here is nuts. I had my first at 19 after being married for two years beforehand. My parents were nothing but excited. Nor is any child a 'mistake'. What an awful way to regard another human being. It wasn't hard. I loved it. We paid our own way, had our own home, cared for our child well (that one has a PhD now) and went on to have more kids. Honestly, I saw more of the 30+ cohort struggling with the transition to motherhood. "Boo hoo, my freedom I'm used to."

People seriously underestimate young people.

I've not rtft, but it seems that he thought youd be happy and excited. Obv not, which is a real shame.

I don’t understand why you don’t understand? If OP was a young parent herself, and experienced all the struggles which came with that, surely she’s better placed than most to appreciate how difficult it’s going to be for him, so is obviously going to be upset as she already knows the difficulties that lie ahead…

I would be very disappointed too. He is only 20 and his girlfriend will return to Korea. What kind of relationship is he ever going to have with his child?! He won’t even speak the same language! I would not let them both move in as you would never get rid of them and they’d expect you to baby sit and cover all costs. They wanted to act like grown ups then they have to stand on their own two feet. Your son is very silly and immature to have assumed you’d be over joyed! He doesn’t even have a job to support the baby! What is he even thinking?! How is his girlfriend going to manage as a single parent in another country? Are her family going to be able to support her? I doubt she’d be able to stay in the uk as she’s on a student visa.

Is the fact that one parent is resident in England and the other is resident in Korea, when not studying, relevant? Are you joking?

Never heard of it, couldnt follow the conversation above as I thought OP was saying 'discard' as in get rid of the girlfriend!!!

If rage bait had a thread. The ages don’t stack up vs the social mobility. School boy error.

Agree, I haven’t heard of it before (late 30s normal professional)

So many calling the OP a hypocrite.....the reason why people like her (and me!) react like this is because we know what its really like.

We are not being hypocrites by saying that we dont want our kids to go through the struggles we went through when we became parents at a young age. We didnt know what we were getting into and how hard it would be. So when that child that you struggled and fought to bring up well announces that they are doing the same then of course we react with horror.

We, like all parents, want better for our kids. Becoming a young parent in an unstable relationship is not what we want for them, we know that it will take a terrible toll on them and their lives. Their opportunities will be far fewer, their freedom is immediately curtailed. All the fun stuff that we never got to do and wanted them to be able to do.....nope, not happening.

And FYI, I was on the pill, had regular bleeds, no weight gain and only found out I was PG at 6 months by chance, otherwise I would probably have been one of those poor women who first find out when they are in labour. So....judge not lest you be judged.

Far too young to be having a child … well too late for that. She’s already pregnant. Not your decision unfortunately

Oh come on. Only very online people know what Discord is. Normal people - especially those over the age of 35 - do not.

This is very likely, I was just correcting the assumption that the child will automatically be a UK citizen, people generally dont understand the citizenship rules in the UK or overseas, they're quite complicated at times.

Ooh that must have been a huge shock. A very insensitive way to tell you - it's the kind of thing you might It is a complicated situation with both being students and her an international one. They will need to plan very carefully and be able to communicate very well if there's any chance of it working out.

Not so easy, visas/ language skills/ jobs etc make it hard mandatory child is not just for a couple of years but something much longer

Well yes, I’m sure she’ll do her best to keep him on side until his name is on the birth certificate. Though I guess she can always go to court for a dna test if necessary! If he’s the dad that kid will get citizenship even if she has to fight for it.

But hang on - you yourself were younger than your son's girlfriend when YOU fell pregnant! And around the same age as you son.
But you're upset that they're having a baby at an older or similar age than you were?
#Makethatmakesense

Exactly

No it doesnt work like this necessarily. If the father goes on the BC then yes the child will have UK nationality but its not a given as UK nationality comes down the female line predominantly, there are caveats of course

Why a hypocrite? OP probably knows better than most of us on here how difficult it was for her having a child so young, and probably doesn’t want it for her own son. Just because you might make mistakes in your own life, it doesn’t mean you should be understanding of your own child making the same mistakes. Presumably her DS is aware of OPs struggles being a young mum.