Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

I was a teen mum too. You live and learn and want different for your children. That’s not hypocrisy.

The entire Korean diaspora in the UK is about 40,000 people. About the population of Bury St Edmunds. Wealthy educated women from SK are not looking to trap Brits with anchor babies - it is an unlikely hypothesis. It's just as likely that the DS has a creepy fetish for East Asian women.

We move in totally different circles if you and people you know would be thrilled to bits to receive a wrapped pregnancy test for Christmas from their 20 year old student son.

If OP's son's very new pregnant girlfriend was from Europe there would be no visa-related motive for having a baby with a British national. It's not racist to acknowledge that some women (usually from another continent) do deliberately get pregnant to obtain a visa. It happens often enough to be noticed and usually happens very quickly after they meet someone local as happened in this case.

There's also a six-year age gap between the son and his very new "post-graduate educated girlfriend".
That could also suggest she sought out a gullible young man.
There's no way I would have dated a 20 year old boy when I was 26, women are usually a lot more mature then men at that age.

Also, why wasn't a "post-graduate educated woman" using contraception when living abroad given how harshly pregnant single women are treated in Korea?
OP's son should also have used a condom of course but ultimately it's the woman who gets pregnant not the bloke and a lot of men simply walk away, especially if they are too young to be fathers.

Men (also usually from another continent) also regularly love-bomb and impregnate vulnerable young women they barely know for the same reason.

Millions off people around the world are trying to get into the West - having a baby with a local is one of the most common ways to get residency. In 2024, 38,708 people were granted settlement on family grounds. It's not broken down to show how many were due to having a child who had British citizenship but it's a strong factor in successfully claiming a right to residency.

Btw playing the "racist" card is just a way to shut down legitimate debates/conversations.

This seems to be the primary reason to talk seriously about the situation.

Really? People wrap up a positive pregnancy test and hand it to their families on Christmas day? I know people do gender reveals but I've never heard of this. I can't think of anything worse - someone wrapping up a pregnancy test and handing it to their mum and announcing it as publicly as that - and he wants the gf and the baby to move in too?

I'm not sure the girl being the same nationality or not is the issue for the OP. It's the fact that she's having to return home - no settled status as you say

So if parents have made a mistake/been in whatever situation that means they don’t have the right to wish better for their children? Give over.

Quite.

Yep, I don’t think many MNers would be thrilled at these circumstances if it happened to them in real life. Easy to be holier than thou when it’s not your kid.

The thing is, loads of people do these kinds of announcements. If he was slightly older, the girl was the same nationality / settled in the UK, they were together 1year+, most people would think the announcement was the most wonderful way to make them a grandparent.

I understand the shock of the context, but so many people are outraged at the way he told her which is probably the least of OPs worries.

The ways he has communicated about the pregnancy are far from ideal, making a trying situation worse. But he is 20, immature (precisely why it's not the ideal age for him to become a dad!)

Yanbu to not want to house them. It's your house, and it's his child. I don't know if you have other kids, but maybe you are looking forward to some you years, after having had ds so young. It doesn't matter, you don't have to justify your decision. It's your house.

The question is now, what do you want going forward in terms of your relationship with ds and his new family? If you want a relationship you might have to lead a bit now. Ask if you can take a few steps back - before anything is decided, find out how he's feeling. Ask to meet gf. Find out what situation is with her family. Don't commit to anything but try and emotionally support if you can and want to?

He's not handling it well, and it's up to you what role you'd like to play now.

So if your 20 year old son came home for Christmas, wrapped the positive test up and presented it to you as a gift to open in front of everyone, then publicly suggested he and his GF and child all move in with you, you’d be thrilled would you ? She’s six years his senior, they’ve only been together six months, OP has never met her and he’s clearly not though beyond the pregnancy. He’s feckless and irresponsible and is trying to manipulate OP into taking responsibility for him. I don’t think that’s anything to be thrilled about.

I wonder if your son presented it publicly because he was worried about your reaction and thought you'd be less likely to kick off if told in public?

Still doesn’t give him the right to back OP into a corner. He presented her publicly with the pregnancy, and did the same with the suggestion that they all move in together. It’s disrespectful, controlling and manipulative and if I was the GF that would be enough to have me running for the hills.

Thanks @ShamedBySiri . I learned the hard way.

Shocked at your reaction, I assume you think he is above being normal as you sent him to a good uni, believe it or not it happens at every uni.
Good luck to them.

Agree. This is the whole point. So many posters laying the blame with DS for not using a condom. What kind of infantilising message does that send to our daughters ? That they are not responsible for their own bodies and should rely on the man taking the lead when it comes to contraception ? Yeah, that’ll work !!

That’s a very nice post @SBGM247

I think the point here is that the GF is just as responsible for the pregnancy as DS, despite some posters trying to lay the blame completely at his door. So much misogyny on MN.

True but they are still equal participants in the conception. As is anyone who freely participates in sex.

Which is still not relevant or meaning that she’s a hypocrite for not wanting her son to face the same difficulties she did.

Oh

Nailed it.

I think OP has many more concerns than just youth.

@Becc91 I’m wishing you the best and fully understand what absolute nonsense this is. The truth is though, when this baby is born there’ll be a cascading series of consequences. They aren’t inherently negative or positive, but they do mean a lot of things will change and be different.

The fact DS thought this was something to give as a present suggests he is immature and will have to cop on. I’m a father, and having my kids forced me to grow up each time.

Just understand this. No amount of explaining is going to do that growing up for him. He may have support, but it won’t remove the fact that the consequences now land on him directly. All boys eventually come to the realisation that nobody is coming to save them, meaning no one can step in and carry the responsibility for them. That’s when they either grow up or they don’t. Some never do.

It sounds like this is something he’s going to have to confront himself. I wouldn’t have the gall to give you advice because it’s an impossible thing to judge, but I’m wishing you abundance, patience, and a wonderful 2026 despite the challenges.

Well whatever she did clearly involved unprotected sex 😉