Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

I don’t think he was scared at all. I think he deliberately announced the pregnancy very publicly to pave the way for suggesting all three of them live with OP when the baby is born. It’s manipulative and controlling and the misogyny on this thread is actually quite disturbing.

who said it was her fault? She doesn't want to be involved, she doesn't have to.

We can only hope she gets her wish and doesn't have to be involved at all and can even forget about being a grand-mother. What more do you want?

I guess

Discord was the name of the website where they chatted and met. And it’s not OP who should be giving her head a wobble. It’s DS for thinking he could manipulate and bully his mother into accepting the situation and giving them all a roof over their heads because he hasn’t given supporting a family the slightest thought.

If he was that scared I think is says as much about OP as him tbh

Statistics would say otherwise.

Ah, so it’s all OP’s fault ? They’ve dropped a bombshell in the worst, most immature and selfish way, and OP is expected to pick up the pieces.

What a load of old crap.

Hopefully they will move to the girlffriend country and the OP will never hear from them again, or at worst they will find accommodation and jobs and never bother the OP again either

so the OP will cheerfully be able to enjoy her time without being bothered, and everyone is happy.

You can't wish them anything else than that can you.

Discord?

look whats happened has happened. You run the risk of alienating them both and your grandchild. Give your head a wobble and perhaps try to embrace this. Clearly hes over the moon with it all. They will try to make this work whether youre onboard or not

Send on your address.

Nope. And once again I’ve posted as to the fact that it takes two and the GF, at 26 is just as responsible as DS for what has happened. Neither of them can support the child or each other because they are still in full time education. It’s got nothing to do with being male and everything to do with being feckless and expecting mummy to bale you out because you’ve made a car crash of your life. DS announced the pregnancy very publicly, giving OP little choice other than to accept it. And that was clearly in preparation for the public announcement that he expected OP to house all three of them after the baby is born. What would you call it other than manipulative and controlling ? And a good indication of the life GF is in for every time he wants his own way.

Why should the three of them move in? The OPs gf is 26 - surely old enough to find accommodation of her own. The OP might not have the space to accommodate them

I know a couple who have been living with the girls mum for years. They've just bought a house but in the time they have been living there (two years) they've contributed nothing - not a penny (and they know the mum doesn't have lots of spare cash) and they have leaned on the mum for free childcare

It won't be like that in all cases but it does happen. He basically tells his mum his gf is having a baby. A gf she's never met and he wants her to move in too?

Wanting and hoping for different for them is not hypocrisy. Somehow feeling you have a right to expect or demand if from them, or being angry or disappointed if they don't listen and do it anyway most definitely is.

Expecting them to take the blindest bit of notice of the opinions of people who made the same choices at a similar tender age and getting frustrated or upset when they won't listen is just laughable entitlement. Most teen mums spend the next 20 years defiantly insisting to anyone who will listen that they don't regret their choices and yes it's hard work blah blah, but having their child very young and often without the support of the father is an absolute blast and the best thing that ever happened to them.

Only when their own child announces a pregnancy while still in their teens does the truth start to come out and it turns out it's not been so great after all. If it had been, then surely you'd all be highly recommending it?

If you didn't appreciate the interference of people who were older and wiser than you and thought you knew better, what makes you think it's going to be any different when you tell someone else not to do it? If you don't want your own child to be a teen parent then the absolute best way to achieve that is to not be one yourself.

That's a colossal upheaval in OP's life.
She's just finished raising her own son as a single mother.
I really don't think this is fair in any way shape or form.

Her son and his new girlfriend need to get their arse into gear and look for an apartment whether with or without benefits- isn't she a wealthy South-Korean?

What positive possibilities ? That these two feckless people have conceived with no thought to the future, and are now clearly expecting OP to bale them out ? What happens when the mothers’ visa runs out ? Is OP expected to stump up the tens of thousands it would cost to keep her in the country ? The excuses for fecklessness are breathtaking.

wow

are you feeling quite ok? It's that how you would describe your own child because he happens to be male?

I don’t hate men and if you’d bothered to read my other posts before commenting you’d have seen that I was critical of other posters laying the blame for the pregnancy entirely at DS’s door. Of course it’s 50/50. But he tried to railroad OP into accepting the pregnancy by forcing her to open the ‘gift’ of the positive test on Christmas Day in front of others, because his plan was to announce over dinner that he wanted himself, his GF (who Op has never laid eyes on) and their baby to move in with OP. That’s not ‘organising his life’ it’s passing off the responsibility to someone else because he hasn’t thought out what’s going to happen when the baby’s born. It’s disrespectful, manipulative and controlling. Not a good look for a future father.

If it was me I’d love to have the three of them move in with me. Can you try and see the positive possibilities?

This woman is a post graduate student on a visa. I would find it very odd if she had another "baby daddy" who was in jail or violent - given that it's possible that she's only been in the UK a short time

Surely the OPs son knows how long himself and this woman have been having sex for before she got pregnant?

Or perhaps it’s indicative of him being a controlling and manipulative arsehole ?

Hate to say this but the paternity test should most definitely be done.
Years ago watched one of those 'who's the daddy' specials on TV and with the exception of ONE out of the eight, every girl there had at least a jailbird or violent partner so when they realised they were pregnant latched onto a more gullible and younger 'partner'
One boy from a good home his suspicious parents were paying monthly for baby's welfare and when they found out the truth there on the programme; the babymother and her godawful mum just started screaming abuse, threats and expletives everywhere. Poor lad was devastated
It turned out her violent now jailed druggie boyfriend had left her in the lurch so she went on a girls night out, grabbed the first as she put it 'soft lad' she could get
And the other stories were as bad as that with no shame shown at any time by any of the fine examples of 'mothers' on the stage.
I'm just saying. Be sure

I’d do everything I could to keep the young woman and the baby here as I’d hate them having to go back to Korea and perhaps be shunned by society as mum had had a baby as a single woman.

tell me you hate men without telling me you hate men 😂

I don't think anyone having kids that early is a great idea, but when the dad is involved and trying to organise his life with the baby, he's still wrong for doing so.

he hasn’t considered anything beyond his dick he's literally considering it now.
He shouldn't have got his girlfriend pregnant? no, he shouldn't but SHE shouldn't have got pregnant either. it's 50/50 here.

You prefer him to dump the girlfriend and refuse to know about the baby do you?