Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

The amount of MNers who think parents cannot want their kids to make better choices is bonkers.

My dad went to prison so by MN logic if I break the law and go to jail he cannot be annoyed and must support me in my criminal endeavour.

Absolutely 🦇💩 logic.

Wow. Better than socks..............Or worse, depending one's outlook !

South Korea is not the arse end of nowhere?! She’s clearly from a wealthy family as they can afford to send her for a British education.

which uni is she at OP?

No she's not horrible. As I said earlier on in the thread my mum has a friend who had her daughter living with her. The daughter got pregnant. The bf moved in. They haven't given her a penny towards any expense in over two years. They use her for childcare

They were offered two council homes and refused them - and they have finally bought a house and the mum can't wait to see them gone. Not because she doesn't love her daughter but because they've used her - and she's on disability benefits herself while both of them work full time

No. The son can get a job and so can the gf. She's pregnant - not unwell. The OP has no responsibility to house them on any level and potentially doesn't have the room for them

Horrible being? The son hasn't even had the decency to introduce pregnant girlfriend to the family, clearly hasn't thought anything through and expects mum to pick up the pieces. Bright enough to study for a degree but not responsible enough to stand on his own 2 feet and look after his own family?
Doesn't mum get to have a life too? Or is she simply expected to spend her life looking after adult children and their partners and offspring.
How about taking responsibility and growing up.

WHUT?

Sit back, take a deep breath and think how nasty and naive you sound! They clearly live away at uni and cannot move in with OP whilst they have degrees to finish and we don't know how long that will be, also there's these things called immigration laws and if the girlfriend is here on some kind of study arrangement, she don't have rights to just stay and move in with the OP! Why should tie opthace immigration officials turning up on her doorstep! You have totally pretended that there is no issue with the fact that the girl is not a citizen of this country and has no rights beyond studying!

What happens if it ends up being a bad pregnancy and the girlfriend can't carry on her degree? You've overlooked so many things! Now is the worst time for that pregnancy because there are so many massive issues to overcome! The OP is doing the right thing by making sure her son realises the crap he's getting himself in to and that it may be very far from.as simple as his girlfriend moving in when she has no rights to stay here.

Be proud that they will both be achieving degrees, be proud a termination isnt on the cards, CANNOT believe you will not be there for backup, your not going to let them move in so can you not see the pressure that piles on them and the possible awful repercussions for them… what a horrible being you are…

I didn't say he was scared, I responding to someone making the claim that the OP must frighten him!

Absolutely. I honestly can't believe he did that - and as someone else said - where was his pregnant gf on Christmas day? As I said. My mum had me at 19 but I assume it was pretty tough going - particularly because her and my dad divorced when I was very young and paid her an absolute pittance for me until I was 16. The absolute minimum he could get away with paying

Yes people have kids in their teens and early 20s and it works out ok in the end - but he's going to struggle to support a child without giving his degree up and I suspect he knows it which is why he wants them to move in with his mum

Discord

Exactly. Someone wishing the circumstances/timing had been different doesn't mean they think something was a mistake.

I don’t understand people saying OP cannot have a negative reaction because she was a teen mom.

Are people not allowed to learn from mistakes and want better for their kids?

Your son shouldn't have dropped the baby bombshell on you, disguised as a present. You haven't even met his girlfriend, but yet are expected to be thrilled about being a Grandma and to allow all three to live with you upon graduation! Unfortunately, this only shows how immature your son actually is. He should have asked you if he could bring his girlfriend home to meet you, and quietly told you together.

Yes, you had your son at a young age, but it doesn't mean you want him to be young parent, like you were. As parents don't we all want our children to do better in life than us?

I absolutely understand that the pregnancy has come at a complete shock but your son is going to need your support, now and going forward. Having said that, showing support doesn't mean the three of them moving in with you!

Honestly, I think you need to ask him to bring his girlfriend home to meet you, and all three of you sit down and start looking at realistic and practical help they are going to need. His girlfriend can no more stay here in the UK, than your son move to Korea! Do her parents know she's pregnant?? I don't know much about Korean culture, but I thought they were quite conservative, in which case they may not be happy.

How are they both going to study? How are they going to support themselves? Does the girlfriend want to give birth in the UK or Korea? Where are they going to live? How long can she stay until she has to go back to Korea? There are many practicalities that need discussing, and both are going to need your support.

I completely understand your response. I would react the same and your son not talking to you because you said he cannot live with you shows he is not remotely mature enough to be a dad.

He went to uni to become stupid.

Good Luck!

And if you're too scared to introduce your partner and have an adult conversation, I'd suggest you're too immature to be thinking of starting a family. Sounds like a child having a child.

No one said OP considers her son as a mistake except for yourself. Seems you are projecting my love ❤️

I know quite a few couples but in the opposite situation. British women with foreign nationals. Their partners can't come here, despite having a baby together and the women can't (or don't want to) live permanently in their countries either. It's far from ideal.

Also immature.

Someone wrapping a pregnancy test and asking their mum to open it on Christmas day doesn't sound scared to me

As the parent of a child who married someone from overseas I can tell you that getting a long term visa (leave to remain), even for a spouse and when they've had a child born in this country, is very difficult and expensive. This is because of rules brought in by Theresa May in 2012. She may have to apply from outside the country - my SIL had to leave my daughter a few days after their marriage and they weren't able to reunite for 6 months for various technical immigration/financial reasons. They need an immigration lawyer if this is going to work. Moving to South Korea together can also be challenging - he'd need to meet financial benchmarks etc.

How easy would it be for him just walk into Korea and claim it home though! None of us can just walk into any country and call it home unfortunately

It is not easy to get permanent residency in Korea.

If he's scared it's because he knows he's made a monumental mistake! Students with little money and education to finish, dating only 6 months and knocking up a girl that has to go back to Korea soon, a place that could be culturally very different and would not necessarily allow him to just rock up and live there! Why would he not be scared!

OP I think you are right to worry, too many people on here seem to think that all countries let you just walk in and stay. There's no guarantee of either being allowed to reside in each others country! Have they actually even lived together properly yet? They really need to sit down and go through the logistics of everything because what's the point of having a baby together if you have to live halfway across the world from each other!

Discord, not discard 😁