Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

OP, did your parents kick you out/refuse to house you when you had your son at 18?

Well given that women who get pregnant young are expected to just get on with it, what the fucking hell is wrong in hold young men to the same standard?!

Its not hating men, its insisting that they do what society expects women to do! This sort of attitude is how men are somehow excused from ditching pregnant girlfriends or fucking off from the wife and kids when it gets a bit hard.

One rule for all. End of.

and you wonder why families are less close with son's mothers with that attitude 😂 it is different though.

If your daughter comes home and says she’s pregnant then it’s tangible. It’s real, the person expecting the baby is there.

If the son comes home and says he’s got a woman pregnant then that’s essentially just his word. The baby could be anyone’s the OP doesn’t know her. He barely knows her.

Yes if the relationship is established, if the mother has met the girlfriend and they already have a relationship then possibly, but a stranger?

Similarly if the daughter came home and said she was pregnant by a strange man would posters be telling the OP to move him in? I think we all know the answer.

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?
Absolutely.
Can't you think of any potential issues?

The bigger picture is that the son is 20 and a student and is clearly going to struggle to support a child. Of course things don't always work out as planned. My mum had me at 19 and my brother at 29 but I suspect it was very tough for my mum at that age - she was a student too and married - but it wasn't easy on any level

I'm sorry you feel bad of being a grandma at 38, do you feel better if I tell you I had my first child at 38? When you start having kids early, you are a grandma early. I have a happy nearly 4 year old, being 42 now.
The fact that she is leaving is bigger problem, I guess, but they can make it work. Maybe she will continue with her study here, maybe he will consider moving there? Did you ask him any of these questions?

I agree

She hasn't even met the gf

Is DS’s dad an active parent and if yes, what did he say?

Why “innovation” 🙄 ?

Is that degree choice not good enough for your son and grandchild. Or is it the fact she’s Korean too?

Going by your post he’s 2 years older than you were when you became a parent.

I agree that the unboxing infront of everyone was a shock, but what’s done is done. They are both grown, if you don’t want to help them then don’t help but don’t complain when your not a part of your grandchild’s life.

There is no ticket to stay here. It's going to be very hard for her to do so after her visa runs out

If she somehow managed to escape N.Korea (unlikely) then there is no way she will be going back as returning defectors are excecuted. No parent who has any idea about life in NK would risk their child being brough up there. It is not "pretty much a dictator state". It is a totalitarian regime.

Defectors are also hunted down by NK agents, often masquarading as SK citizens. So I think we can all safely assume she is is from SK.

I recommend reading The Girl with Seven Names by Hyonseo Lee for a start.

But it's giving her DS a really negative message about OP feels about having had him at a young age.

It’s not the same as when it’s your daughter who’s pregnant. Sorry but it’s not.

and you wonder why families are less close with son's mothers with that attitude 😂

If he’s got a woman pregnant then the responsibility for that is his and his alone.
true.

However, he's not a complete stranger, and in normal families, you try to help your kids out and try to keep them in your life.

Ditto!
Korea has a completely different culture from here, so I'd definitely be concerned!
Plus I'm pretty sure she'll want to go home at some point. Or, is she just after that ticket to stay here? IMO she is! Good luck with whatever is decided! 💐

Is she from N or S Korea? Which one is important. Im sure you know that N Korea is pretty much a dictator state with no one going in or out. You do not want your grandchild born there or you may never seem them again. I presume she is from S Korea given she is an international student. She is possibly at uni hoping to meet a UK national to start a relationship with. But it can work well.
If you want to help sort this out and ensure your son and grandchild remain part of your life then you need to become more accomodating.

I agree that the delivery of the news was not the best and timing for asking to move in also not great (showing their naivety). But once you get over the shock of it, start having adult discussions with your son. You need to meet her, discuss their plans. The questions I have are whether marriage is on the cards (may or may not be important for her culturally), how they will finish their degrees with a new baby (the university can provide support but even so it will be challenging). i presume they are at different uni's if they met online? Are they even both in UK?
Tread carefully and provide support or loose your son and grandson

Why on earth would anyone help them? She doesn’t even know this woman. Doesn’t even know whether the baby is his, neither does he for that matter given they’ve been together for all of five minutes.

It’s not the same as when it’s your daughter who’s pregnant. Sorry but it’s not. Your son comes home, presents a pregnancy test and announces that there’s going to be a baby. No sign of being introduced to the mother, no certainty whether the baby is his, just “happy Christmas mum, can I move this pregnant stranger in and you’ll financially support her?” Fuck that.

If he’s got a woman pregnant then the responsibility for that is his and his alone.

Is this girl really after staying in this country as a And using your son as a meal ticket.

Sorry to sound so cynical .

But l cant see their relationship lasting.

Hope you can get something sorted. You have every right to be upset.

Sounds like neither of them have thought this through.

A relative of mine has a S.Korean wife. She was shocked about how accepting our family is to those of us who are single mothers. Because single mothers there really are horribly discriminated against, they are looked down on in all ways. She actually prefers living in western culture because it is less pressured than it is in S.Korea and she says is more forgiving than her native culture is. She described it as "one strike and you're out", and says MH issues are a huge problem there because there is always this fear of making one mistake and your whole life being fucked up.

So the pregnant GF is not going to have a good time of it when she goes home. And as PP have pointed out, getting a free pass back ain't going to happen anytime soon, if at all.

in fairness, how many posters on here (and parents in real life) decide to have children and are suddenly flabbergasted that they need to feed them everyday and find childcare during school holidays 😂

Who would have thought hey! So people having kids without figuring out the details, when the child wasn't even planned....

They chose to keep the child. They are pretty stupid if they have not figured out how they can support it.

Oh sorry @Unexpectedlysinglemum- I misread your post, I thought you said the GC will have more rights but you said DS. Ignore me!!!

Absolutely this. International fees at UK unis are a lot. Her family obviously has money to spare