Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

Was the OP in a relationship with her son's father for only 6 months, was her son's father from Korea, and only here legally to study and then have to leave? Was the OP in a position where the father would potentially have to take the kid to Korea and she'd never see it! There's a big gulf of difference between the OPs situation and what her son has done! There are immigrants laws at play here!

This is a great practical message from you
also how far along is she ......
op doesn't want to be saddled with childcare
the DS shows immaturity by sulking at the end of it great father figure

Did you not really read about the mother being Korean and not having any legal rights to be here if not studying? Did your brain really not register the many big pitfalls here that are completely different to the Ops situation?

Yes It’s very relevant 🙄

The difference is that in this case is Korean, she can't just decide to stay here and certainly won't be allowed to legally work here so how does she expect to provide or contribute to the OP or her child's upbringing. And there's still the fact that she may have to go home to Korea and the OPs son ends up having zero relationship with his kid! What they've done is incredibly stupid!

The fact that she is from a very far away place and that indeed, it can be causing some more hiccups along the way?

Save us the racism or misplaced comment please 👀

Sounds to me his very immature to wrap that up, and she’s taking advantage of him, no way would she be allowed to move in our home,
??? so she can take advantage of you too…very unfortunate circumstances all round …

Good luck. My parents had me fairly young (early 20s) but the difference back then was there was plentiful social housing. My parents both worked and were offered a lifetime secure council tenancy! You could just about raise a family on one wage which meant that childcare wasn’t a second mortgage. My Mum had various part time jobs when I was young that fitted around childcare. My Dad was the breadwinner. It was another world. You simply couldn’t do it now. No wonder our birthrate is so low.

Thanks for clarifying. A bit different than what I thought the rules were. In the woman's place, I'd be very worried.

My God. I can't even IMAGINE your shock, @Becc91
Unlike most posters, I can't even think what to say..

I would think someone who had a child at 18 wishing the same for their child very foolish indeed. It’s surely rare for someone to think that. It happens not because people want ‘active grandparents’ but surely more commonly because the socioeconomic factors leading to teen pregnancy weren’t improved by teen pregnancy and so affect the next generation. You can read about cycles of poverty very easily. You starting your family at 25, an age when many have completed their studies and are settled in employment is entirely irrelevant.

In this situation he’s at least out of his teens but hasn’t completed university and has no way to ensure that he and his child live in the same country. He is not currently able to support a child. This is not want most parents hope for either.

It’s not what the OP hopes for, she’s clear about that.

However it’s happened now. OP I’d be encouraging him first to determine with his partner whether the relationship is continuing, and then to get advice from an immigration lawyer to work out how he can be with his child (here or in Korea). The steps after that will be working out how he financially supports his child and what that means for his education.

This is why from a very young age we forced the excruciating conversation of taking responsibility for their sexual health and contraception on our kids.
You can never have those conversations too early considering how feckless some young men can be, and young women for that matter.

If you did not want to be a young grandmother then perhaps you should not have been a young mother. It is the only way to ensure not being a young gran.

Was it a bit crass that he gave you this to open in front of people? Of course it was but clearly he is happy about this pregnancy so no matter what your thought process is, he is happy, the baby is coming and that is it really you will be a granny whether you like it or not. Everything else is irrelevant.

Would they expect you to look after the baby if they moved in with you ?
How will they go about getting jobs if the have no childcare ?Or is that hys thoughts behind the request to move in with you... and what do you other family think about it ?

Of course he is. He’s putting responsibility for the baby on to the OP. Not only that, nobody knows anything about her. Is she going to be an overstayer? What are her plans going forward? She’s on a student visa.

Taking responsibility would be dropping out of uni and finding a job. Playtime is over.

I became a grandparent quite young too courtesy of my youngest daughter I was 46 which I know is not as young as you will be but was still a shock! I didn't feel old enough to be a grandmother (still dont 😂) but my grandson is a delightful 15 year old now and I wouldnt change a thing. Do not alienate the couple as its nearly always the boys mother who gets edged out in these situations and you may come to regret it later. I do think his way of telling you really showed his immaturity and then to suggest they moved in with you after springing it as news over Christmas was quite selfish. When you have calmed down I think you should have a mature and respectful talk with him and explain your worries.see if there is a way forward that will help all concerned.

This. Plus the reality is that men need to hold themselves to a higher standard the instance they decide to have sex with a woman.

The moment he ejaculates into a woman he loses all control over what happens next. If she falls pregnant then she decides whether to keep the baby, even if he wants it, it’s up to her. If he doesn’t, it’s up to her, and if she decides to keep it he will be tied to maintenance for the rest of his life without having had any input into the decision other than the initial act which brought him there in the first place.

If a man doesn’t want to be responsible for a pregnancy then he needs to be using contraception regardless of whether the woman is or not. Not just lie back and think that mummy will provide a house and finance his stupidity when he knocks up a stranger.

Don't blame you at all OP.
We would be appalled in your situation and I would be concerned my son was on drugs to think that we would be anything other than appalled, and that he should drop such shocking news in such a way.

Where we come from getting pregnant young is most certainly not the norm, and it would be viewed as a accident to be dealt with discreetly, certainly not something to derail university and a promising career.

And no they would not be moving into my home.
Is he a bit on the naive/dim side, easily led?

You have my sympathy.

literally the opposite of what's happening here, the son is clearly NOT ditching up his girlfriend or "fucking off"

and the OP is the one pissed of about it

I stand with you OP, I wouldn't be having them move in either. This is his problem, old enough to get a woman pregnant but wants to move in with mummy? Absolutely not. Time to start studying hard and when that's not happening go to work to start saving. Chances are it will all come crashing down when they discover they have nothing in common and your grandchild will end up living in Korea being raised by her parents. Tell him to put something on the end of it next time.

Love that it's my reply who got deleted when I quoted the disgusting language used by someone describing someone's SON.

You also mean discord it’s where you can talk and people make their own channels etc

Hit the nail on the head

Pretty sure people from NK are not studying innovation at Bristol

Well if you were 18 when you had him it’s a tad hypocritical to have a long face over him becoming a Father at 20 or 21.