Nothing from teens

But you said you don't get a gift from your child for your birthday either. Gift giving is thinking about someone else and making them feel happy and special and appreciated.

Do they at least buy you a birthday card?

It's really not. Don't be such a martyr.

Like everything else, you teach it, as per my post at 17:07.

@comedycook - my family is not materialistic - my son gave me earrings that cost a few quid from a market stall. I mean literally they probably cost £2. my daughter gave me a game she got for a few pounds in a charity shop - they are 13 and 11.

I think there is something gross and materialistic about kids sitting surrounded by gifts - while it doesn't cross their mind that it is also nice to hand a thoughtful present to their mum/dad /grandad -

I see it as part of growing up - just learning that it is a nice feeling to think of someone else.\

I do agree of course that a lot of christmas is wasteful! and materialistiic - but as long as it's happening and presents are being given out, I think its not great for kids to miss out on the learning steps of gift giving - itrs a life skill!

When they were younger, did you help them buy a gift for their Dad and he do the same for you? Then they learn about choosing gifts and eventually they can do it without help although tbh I’d still probably give a little bit of money for it if they don’t have a part time job. I don’t like the idea of teaching children that Christmas is only about them receiving gifts, it should also be about giving.

You’re right, it does have to be taught… When they’re very little I’d get the gifts they give (0-4 ish)
When they’re a bit bigger i’d go with them to get presents (5-8 ish)
When they’re bigger still I’d remind them and check they’d got something (9-11ish).
By the time they reach high school, they knew what was expected without reminding.

OP, I’m guessing this wasn’t your experience with your children?

And I really don't understand if there's a specific age a child goes from not buying a gift for a parent to buying one...and how do they know they are now meant to buy one?

There's a million ways to teach people to be thoughtful and considerate that don't involve being a materialistic drone to please the marketing men at Christmas.

I too think that’s pretty shoddy behaviour.

Mine are between 15 and 17 and the money spent varied hugely ( Poundland v high end garden centre and JL). But they all bought something for us. And each other actually which was sweet.

It sounds like you don’t really go in for presents though and maybe they picked up on that?

Your comment is vile ..you have no idea if my DC are spolit or not. Fwiw my teenage ds literally couldn't care less about gifts either... obviously I buy him them but he genuinely isn't particularly fussed.

If you think your answer was “just answering her question”, I think that proves my point about your thoughtlessness.

Forgot to add, kids are now 11 and 13.

sorry, quoted the wrong post!!!!

Sympathies OP. I have been there- albeit DH has stepped in to rectify. This year (age 18 and 20) was the the first year that they organised themselves and bought really thoughtful gifts. I get people staying they don’t expect anything but for me it’s the fact they thought about it that matters. Hang in there it does get better!

It has to be taught. I take my 2 DC to xmas shopping a week or so before xmas. Give them money and we go to the city centre for lunch and then shopping. They both have to buy 3 gifs with cards for the other family members, including each other. I’ve been doing that every year so they got used to it and now they know this is the xmas dynamic. They get gifts, but also gift their loved ones. I don’t check on the gifts they choose so it’s all a surprise on Xmas day. It’s lovely to see them carefully looking for something special for each family member, and they love the process these days.

My DH checks with our DC they they have presents for me.

I check that they have presents for DH.

They need prompting and often cash at this age.

Do they get you a birthday or mother's day presents? What's different about this Christmas?

It's not about being precious or grabby though. It's teaching children to be thoughtful and to think of other people and the joy of gift giving.

It because I'm a person that I don't give a shit about gifts...I couldn't care less. I'd say it's more robotic to just expect a gift because it's December 25 and it's the done thing

Ha ha! - you're a card

Nothing from my ds 18,I did a small hint last week but it's fine. Now he is an adult I said I'd only be getting him a few bits ( (£20ish). Older son keeps saying he has got me chocolate but it's in his car?! However,my eldest,dd of 26 goes all out with some small but very thoughtful gifts.

No it isn't, it's raising them to be decent human beings. Ive always told mine the cost isn't important but the thought is and it is better to give than receive.

Why. Are you not a person?
Are you a robot?

@muckandmerriment teens and children benefit from learning the joy of giving

Even if I was giving them the cash for it I want my kids learning to think of others.

Its not about expense. But sitting and juat unwrapping gifts and not learning that there is also joy in thinking of others...that doesnt sound ideal to me

Did they get your husband anything?

No ..my DH buys me a gift and they all just give them to me. I don't need a specific present from my children...I'm really not that precious. They are nice kids...none of us are particularly grabby or gift focused