Nothing from teens

Our children bought or made presents for dp and me (obviously helped by the other parent) from their very first Christmas. They also got presents for each other. I can’t understand why they wouldn’t. It’s fun, and part of being a loving family. And it’s modelling family life so they know how to make a new family themselves when they’re grown up.

Sorry but no, this isn't normal or acceptable.

I was buying my mum gifts (with help from my dad) from day dot, and buying my own out of my pocket money from about secondary age.

My 2 teens are 14 and 17, they did get me a couple of small presents - some nice hot chocolate and a special hair brush BUT I had to arrange a date for them to go together and do some Christmas shopping. I wrote them a list of who they needed to buy for - I put myself on the list 😂 I think teenagers need pushing in the right direction especially when it comes to thinking of others 🙄

Yes, I seem to remember quite a lot of chivvying of teenagers to buy presents ! As small children their excitement seemed to spur them on, then something weird seemed to happen to their teenage brains which meant we had a lot of “ right , what are we going to get dad for Christmas ?!” conversations !
Now all in their 30’s they’re fantastic present givers, I’ve just been given some gorgeous Christmas plates I’ve had my eye on for a while !

Oh and now we can see how these useless husbands who don’t buy for their wives are bred. Their mother thought it was selfish and grabby to get them to engage their brain and think of someone else ( presumably one of the most important people in their lives ). No OP it’s not normal and I wonder what your husband was doing. Did he receive a present
from them or not?

so if they want cards or gifts, you're teaching then it's greedy and selfish?
my mil and DM don't expect anything, but I pick something thoughtful they like and it gives them pleasure to receive something thoughtful and to me to give something that makes them smile. the kids get me / DH something paid for by the other parents every Christmas and birthday. this year I got a unicorn teddy, a plastic tiara and a kids board game whose main character shares my name. I don't need those things but they enjoyed choosing something and giving it me and us sharing the pleasure of gift giving together.

But what joy when your child appreciates you with a card from the card factory that they have gone and chosen for you .

Fascinating to see how your kids deal with presents for their partners when they grow up….

Seriously...wtf. calling someone else's children little shits when I've literally said adults in our family don't get gifts at Christmas. Only children in our family get Christmas presents. You literally know nothing about my DC except that.

Do you not have birthday's or Mothers day then? Not even a bunch of daffodils for Mothers day?
I'd say thats bringing up kids to treat you and others terribly IMO.
Obviously no one is expecting children to spend loads, but a token "I thought of you" would be expected absolutely.

but that’s exactly what they are….and you raised em …not me

So you wouldn't like a gift or card from your daughter on your birthday or mother's day?

Where was DH, why was Christmas all down to you? How did teens react when they realised you didn’t have anything from any of them.

I don't care about receiving presents, either (especially when I'm the one paying for them, ultimately!). I have nonetheless insisted that DH and I both get birthday cards and presents, and Christmas presents, from the DC. This is for three reasons: (1) they learn the joy that comes from choosing and giving thoughtful gifts to others rather than only the joy of receiving; (2) they understand that all members of our family matter and are deserving of notice and appreciation; and (3) if they have partners in the future who expect cards or gifts to be exchanged on special occasions (as is the case with most people), they will be used to that idea already and so hopefully won't let their partners down.

It's not about the cost (homemade cards and gifts are gorgeous, especially from children, and DH and I pay for the gifts from our minor DC) - it's about showing appreciation in a visible, tangible and socially standard way.

I would be very hurt. I think teaching children to be thoughtful and to enjoy giving is a very important skill.

I get way more enjoyment out of giving thoughtful gifts than receiving them and hope I have taught my children that as well.

They also buy gifts for their siblings.

You definitely need to have a chat with your children about this - not just so they buy you gifts but so they realise the importance of being thoughtful towards their friends and future partners.

It’s not great though is it? I would be ashamed of a 16 plus young adult who didn’t think of others. They are not 3.

Id say calling other people's children little shits is nothing to be proud of either.

Dd2 has a lovely first boyfriend she got him a thoughtful present and a secret Santa with her friendship group so one present between 6 if them.

How have you taught your teens to think of others if you have inculcated in them that they are so special they don’t need to buy presents for anyone? Won’t lead to particularly happy lives will it?

@Rosealea I disagree, it’s how you start teaching children to start thinking of others, and how they will behave for their partners etc in future. It’s not because you want them to spend a shitload of cash on you, you just want to teach them to think about other people!

These young people will likely want to have relationships and friendships with other people as they journey through life, and whether you like it or not they will be expected to remember and go to the effort of sourcing and giving a card and or gift to show regards and appreciation. This understanding of how relationships work should start in childhood to help prepare them in adult life. Or they will end like the useless ignorant’D’ P’s you read about every day on here!!

Are you sure there hasn't been mixed messaging? EG. "Dont worry about getting me anything". But teenagers can be utterly thoughtless and I'm sure they would be upset if they knew how hurt you were. Note for next year for both you and dh to prompt them.

So you have raised thoughtless, selfish little shits…..nothing to be proud off 🙄

I don't envy their future partners, spouses or children tbh!

It’s a terrible message for young people. How on earth will they learn how to behave in their own relationships if you’ve manufactured a weird messiah complex with you giving and giving and expecting nothing in return? You’ve actually done them a massive disservice.

Pure greed and selfishness to expect your teenagers to be a bit thoughtful and think of someone other than themselves, in particular someone that does a lot for them all year round?! I don’t think so 🙈