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Doing the right thing went wrong again

38 replies

UntangledShoelaces · 27/12/2025 11:39

I booted me husband out the door a few years ago, but as it turned out we remained friendly and still help each other out eg money and lifts. His daughter lives in 'Cornwall' where he now lives - not in the same town though. The both profess to dislike Christmas and yet happy accept presents from me. She invited him to a Christmas Dinner at her friends so instead of coming to me he went there and that was that all okay then. BUT even though she and I are friendly she made no mention of this to me and when I asked him about it he was cagey. On Boxing Day I asked if he has a good time and he said it was a Good Feed. I asked if there had been many people .. no answer. I asked why his daughter had not mentioned the event to me.... he said it did not surprise him. I gave up and logged out. I spent Christmas alone no cards or presents from either of them. This all should not matter to me not really but they both want to be in my life. Christmas is such an important time to me for so many reasons and it is like I gave them the green light to have a non Christmas and they went off and had one anyway.....Gawd Dammit I am such a people pleaser.

The situation now is it feels like they are hiding something from me, and that along with my none birthday has me wound up. He knows I like to see people happy and yet not a single photo from either of them of a happy day.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 27/12/2025 12:51

Your ex and his daughter are not your family. They're not obliged to include you on Xmas. If my husband booted me out the house I'd not want to help out with lifts or money, let alone spend Xmas with them.

I hope you have other friends or family you can try and strengthen your relationships with. Or make new friends via a hobby or interest? You need to forget about your ex and stop doing favours for him.

awrbc81 · 27/12/2025 12:48

Sorry but when you split up you lost the right to expect to spend Christmas together, and to know where he’s spending it.
I think you need to work on making a life for yourself without your ex in it

Spendysis · 27/12/2025 12:22

If Christmas is important to you why didn’t you arrange something with other people. You can’t expect an ex and his stepdaughter to include you in their plans

sounds like he’s moved on you need to do the same

TalulahJP · 27/12/2025 12:19

sounds like he spent christmas with a new gf. and the daughter did her own thing with pals. sorry op.

in future i’d respect their right to walk away. I’d expect nothing from them. no birthday or christmas presents. do your own thing. by not reciprocating they are telling you not to bother. you just don’t want to accept that.

join an organisation you’re interested in. Knitting, hillwalking, women’s self defence. whatever. get out and about and meet new friends and move on too.

Sanasaaa · 27/12/2025 12:07

Also, what does the title mean- what right thing was done, how did it go wrong?
You wanted an ex to send photos of their day, and gifts from him for Christmas and your birthday?
This is all quite strange.

Elmspringwater · 27/12/2025 12:02

Sounds like he's moved on op.
Either seeing someone else or not but he's moved on,and it has nothing to do with you.
It sounds as if he can't be bothered with you and and just keeps simple polite conversations short.
Its over op.

In the kindest way you need to stop clinging on to him and move on with your life.
He is an ex you kicked him out so now it's time to move on.

AgnesX · 27/12/2025 11:56

Chances are there was someone else there that he's not telling you about.

He's probably moving on

Bonjamin · 27/12/2025 11:53

If Christmas is an important time of year for you, then you need to make plans for your own enjoyable day that will leave you no head space for wondering how your ex and your ex step daughter are celebrating it. You’re now free to go away, to volunteer, to indulge, to retreat, to start a new tradition of your own…

sorry to sound mean, but the reason she didn’t mention it was probable because she knew you’d be hurt that your ex wanted to spend the day elsewhere. Your messages are extremely mixed: I’ve read your OP a few times and I’m still not sure what you actually wanted.

Meadowfinch · 27/12/2025 11:52

2026 is the year you build up your life, take a class or two, meet some new friends, perhaps date again.

Stop relying on a marriage that ended years ago. Look forward, not back. Have a lovely time.🙂

Sanasaaa · 27/12/2025 11:52

The whole point in ending a relationship is never having to think about or speak to the other person again.
Forget the man and his kid, enjoy life, build friendships and things you love to do.

79Beastie · 27/12/2025 11:47

Sorry but sounds like you want a lot from a man you booted out a few years ago. You need to find some new people to spend time with and let him and his daughter get on with their life.

OtterlyMad · 27/12/2025 11:46

Why are you clinging onto an ex-husband and stepdaughter? Spend Christmas with other family/friends, or even solo, doing things that you enjoy and treat yourself to a lovely gift too. Don’t rely on other people for happiness.

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 27/12/2025 11:42

Sorry but you shouldn't be relying on your ex to add anything to your life now.
Make friends of your own and forge a new life yourself.