I’ve ended it like you all said. Feel sick

Ending relationships is always hard, those who have found it easy are in the vast minority.

What you’re experiencing is normal. You swing between wondering if you’ve done the right thing or not. You know the relationship wasn’t healthy but you wish you could keep the best of it. You wonder if that’s as good as it’ll get, whether you’ll meet anyone else. Whether it was in your head and actually it was a good relationship. How you’ll get through the next weeks and months on your own. What you’ll tell people.

These thoughts are all very common! But you’ll make it like the billions before you. You’ll get through it and come out the other side.

Good for you. You deserve true happiness, respect and contentment, you couldn’t get that in your last relationship.

Keep pushing forward, don’t go back.

Read The Chimp Paradox and realise that it is just because the human brain hates change of any sort. It wants everything to stay the same no matter what, even if it is predictably awful.

The "chimp" part of your brain is in full-on survival mode screaming "change!!! Is change!! Change bad!!"

Meanwhile your "human" more evolved part of your brain needs to step in: "yes chimp, it is change, and you are throwing anxiety because you don't like it. I have thought carefully, analysed the situation and rest assured have made the right decision."

It's your nervous system trying to keep everything predictable that's all.

xxxx

Hopefully you ended the relationship because YOU wanted to. Not because of an anonymous poll on the Internet

What are you anxious about? That you've made the wrong decision and shouldn't have ended it?

If so, I'd suggest making a list of why you ended the relationship (the reasons) and read it regularly

Get out into fresh air. Do things you love to do. Exercise. Eat lots of healthy foods. Create joy. Don't dwell.

4 - 7 - 8 breathing

How often was it good and how often bad? When bad was it dreadful? One good day out of 364 isn't worth it

Hello, lovely, I am not sure I read your last thread, but I am sending you some supportive vibes.

I left a relationship which I found controlling and difficult over a decade ago and I can still remember the sickening anxiety which I felt. I think it was because I was so used to doing what he wanted and was worried about having stepped outside my box, so to speak. It did take quite a lot of getting over (and because we had a DC together, then there was a lot of what might be called legal abuse, him using the legal system to try and tie me in knots and run me financially and emotionally dry). In other words, it was initially awful but I would not go back now for all the world.

I think it takes a lot to unpick a bad relationship and rediscover yourself, so the bit you need to hold on to and let grow is the relief. It is a journey to find who you are again without the pressure of whatever your ex’s expectations were.

Anxiety can be helped by practicing breathing techniques or if it is persistent, speak to your GP. I had CBT which I did not find very useful but some people do. I found talking to someone weekly was helpful (I was able to access counselling through my work). For insomnia, which I also had, I listened to podcasts (I particularly like Tara Brach’s teachings, she has some talks on anxiety and fear and has a nice speaking style which I now can use to fall asleep whenever I am stressed!). If I don’t sleep much, I remember I can cope on not much sleep and just avoid driving. I took up a couple of sports and now I also go to the gym, I found getting in touch with my body and what it can do good for confidence. I like walking as well. These things are harder if you have small children of course, but if you can find something to do for yourself which allows you to grow creatively and develop away from your ex. If you have friends or family you can reach out to, do so. Most of all, enjoy the freedom to become who you are, not who someone else wants you to be.

I hope that is some help and I wish you well.

Perhaps you have to accept that the anxiety is a normal side effect for you. Acknowledge that the next few days will be difficult. Make plans to keep busy so you don’t have too
much time to dwell on this and as PP said, congratulate yourself on doing something you knew would be hard but necessary.

The slight relief you feel is the sign which tells you you're on the right track. Think of it as a little green shoot in early spring, and let it be where your attention rests. With time, the tiny glimmers of relief will occur more frequently; trust them and rest.

Hang in there, OP. Baby steps, one foot in front of the other and one day -or even hour, at this stage- at a time.

Congratulate yourself I reckon.
Block his number so you’re not tempted to communicate with him.
Look after yourself.
Leaving is difficult, you’ve done the hardest part, keep going, don’t look back.