I’ve ended it like you all said. Feel sick

Did you read her previous thread?

You feel sick because you let a bunch of strangers on the internet talk you into breaking up with your real life partner

I got back to being me after a similar breakup by slowing my breathing every time I had anxiety and remembering who and what I was before I met him. I then tried to 'inhabit' that person again.

Often, I had to do this 100 times a day but it was less exhausting than living with him. Eventually the two entities became me again and the breath work helped ease the anxiety.

I would have been painted as the villain of the piece too but I was so down and injured by him, I no longer cared. I was putting me first for the first time in four years. The fact that he hasn't had anyone stick around since will exonerate me in his family's eyes hopefully but in my heart, I don't give a rap. They know they have spawned a monster as they have all had issues with him I discovered.

the split came about as I pointed out I found something disrespectful and got about 15 texts about me being unreasonable and “controlling” for bringing it up. Followed by we need a break and if not then a break up to which I said let’s make it a break up.

That was said with the thought that you would immediately back down in fear of losing them, basically a threat that if you didn't toe the line then you'd lose them. Quite a common technique with controlling abusive partners.

Backfired spectacularly didn't it?

Well done.

Remember that our brains like what they're used to. The familiar, patterns, habits.

Even when they are toxic, harmful, even abusive.

Women will pick one abusive partner after another. Get together with an alcoholic after growing up with an alcoholic father. Familiar patterns, what we recognise, these feel normal. Even safe. When they are anything but.

Change is something we can so often fear, resist, feel uncomfortable with, even when it's for the better.

And when those patterns change, when what we were used to has ended - that can feel unsettling, frightening, anxiety-inducing.

Did they have a tendency to tell you nobody else will love you like I do, you'll never find anybody else, you're useless without me?

That voice can echo in your mind - but It. Isn't. True.

You need time to process this change. See your GP about the initial anxiety rush. Don't self medicate.

Do you have family, friends, colleagues hobbies, interests, sports and activities? Start focussing your attention and interest over there.

Block everywhere and beware any attempts to hoover you back in.

Oh, Christ! I remember your posts! They genuinely haunted me. Some of the saddest stuff I’ve ever read on here.

WELL DONE ENDING IT! If it makes you feel any better, what you’ve described is pretty much her dumping you (or, at least, a mutual breakup).

Now, please block and delete. Tell as many people in your life as possible that it’s over (getting it out there often makes things more ‘real’). And look into therapy? Something like Betterhelp?

Previous posters have given some really good advice - all I'd add is to keep reminding yourself that the bit of this your brain is struggling with is the change, not the loss of the frequently abusive ex. And as hard as you might find them you will have managed your way through changes in the past, so you'll manage your way through this one as well.

Op you have done amazing

Go easy on yourself

Keep posting
We are here for you 💕❤️💕

Well done OP.

Anxiety and that horrible sick feeling is normal right now. It feels like a huge step in your life - and if you are a worrier and over-thinker then you are naturally going to worry about doing this. But the anxiety will pass.

First things first, focus on some things that you enjoy doing and that you know are comforting when you do them. Spend a bit of time building up your self-care bank - as you have given so much to other people, that you now need to build yourself back up.

The other thing to remember is that people will say and think what they want to - it doesn't mean that they are right, or that it's true. It's perfectly truthful to tell people that he was the one that suggested breaking up.

When my marriage ended I thought I wouldnt get over it (exh had affair), but actually it was the making of me and after initial shock and fear of unknown future, I was much happier and you will be too. You feel relief because you have been relieved of a bad relationship. A burden lifted you are free. Hold onto those feelings of relief.

Good luck- keep looking forward, not back.

Hmm I think I vaguely remember your other post, your ex is same sex? It did seem they were really taking advantage of you. Not a good relationship.

Well done for putting yourself first. You’re stronger than you realise.

We are on the cusp of a New Year. What plans can you make to look forward to 2026 being a truly great and memorable (and happy) year for you? Good luck!

Congratulations!!
I've read your previous posts and was willing you to stand up for yourself and see your worth.
They gave you the opening and you grasped it as you know it's for the best. Get your own life back on track and if anyone gives you grief over leaving when they need you, tell them you need to focus on yourself for a while as you're in a tough place right now.
This time of worry will pass and you should be proud of yourself.

they’re just now getting a job after a year, and their own place, so annoyingly I’ve ended it just as things are potentially looking up.

beware, this is a very common trait - the abuser will always go out of their way to show you how successful they are without you. They are doing it deliberately to rub your nose in it and rub salt into the wounds "I'm so much better without you".

leave them to it. Why didn't they get their act together a year ago, it was because you were there, doing the heavy lifting.

If you've genuinely ended the relationship now, draw a line in the sand, and block them on everything. Don't allow yourself to be tempted to find out what they're doing and how their life has changed. Focus 100% on you, your life, your success, your goals. They haven't added anything to your happiness, so let them go and be strong in cutting them out of your thoughts,

It also helps me to mark time.

Tell yourself you'll feel better after 1 week, then 2, then 3 and by 3 months you'll be fine. You've done 1 day, you can do 2, you've done 2, you can do 3.

A day is 16 hours awake time. Who do you plan to fill your time? An hours walk, hour of meal prep, 4 hours tv (find a great series) an hour in the bath, an hour reading. Do it hour by hour.

The more you think about it the more likely you will feel bad and change your mind.

When I lost a loved one, I found it helpful to block out the thoughts and.have an allocated time to look at them e.g. 5pm. Usually while makong dinner. Then I could wallow, think, whatever. Any other time the sadness came to mind I literally told myself it wasn't the time to think about it.

It sounds really robotic but the schedule really helped me cope and helped me retrain my brain into thinking about other things.

Whenever you remember the good times, remind yourself that a gorgeous cocktail with all your favourite ingredients will still kill you if there's a spoonful of strychnine in it.

Your relationship had more than a spoonful of poison in it, and so it was just as deadly.

Perfect. An early mental health spring clean.

Well done, you've done the hardest bit! Don't throw away that progress by going back (then having to go through the pain of ending it again next time it escalates).

In terms of managing the anxiety, the first step is to really acknowledge that you have anxiety and what you're feeling right now is just the anxiety talking, and does not mean you've done anything wrong.

Do you have any friends or family you could spend time with, keeping busy might help. Maybe find a project at home you can throw yourself into. In the months after leaving exH, I redecorated half my house and upgraded the garden. It felt good to be busy and make my space feel like my own.

Congratulations yourself how amazing strong you are. Make sure you block his number. Now find out about yourself...what have you always wanted to do but never have, be it write a book, sleep more, travel, learn pottery, do a sport, anything you wanted to secret do. Best thing I've ever done was do a community college cookery course which has led me to the most supportive group of female friends. No one has gossiped of been nasty we just support each other and there's been a lot of support needed including a lot of anxiety. We've done other courses (they free) at the community course including a stress one which was amazing and it's really helped us.

Yes you will feel bad, yes your sleep will get disrupted - you need to accept that and treat yourself extra special and get plenty of exercise - vigorously if possible

id make some lists

list why you needed to split
list what you need to do next
list of things you will look forward to

Don’t think of it as an ending
think of it as clearing away the clutter towards a new beginning

Yes to the list as PP suggested - have a read when you feel like looking back with rose tinted specs.