Page 7 | Baby ill from friend's toddler

Biscuit94 · 2025-12-26T22:39:06+00:00

Hi all, I have a 5 month old baby. Just over a week before Christmas my friend said she was up for Christmas and asked if she could pop round. She showed up on my doorstep with her toddler coughing and spluttering everywhere. I was surprised and thought maybe it was just a lingering cough, but she cheerily announced that he was always ill from nursery these days and walked straight in. I understand that my baby is going to get ill and be exposed to all kinds of stuff, but why the hell would you do it just before Christmas? Anyway, I came down with the cold a couple of days later, followed by my DH and then my poor baby girl on Christmas Eve. I thought she had gotten away with it as I am breastfeeding and thought maybe she had antibodies from me, but the poor little thing has been coughing and sneezing, struggling to sleep from the congestion and having more watery poos than normal :(. Absolutely gutted for her and even worse that it is over Christmas. Making sure to feed often, use Calpol and saline spray/a baby vapour rub. She slept on my DH for 5 hours last night and then me for another 5 as she is so uncomfortable lying flat in her bassinet. I am so angry upset at my friend for not bothering to give me a heads-up/postpone/leave her toddler with his grandparents who she is staying with. AIBU?

Ohmysaintedauntfanny · 27/12/2025 01:19

Lyra87 · 26/12/2025 22:50

I understand your frustration. You're in the early stages so all illnesses are more worrying. My 2 year old went to a 1 year olds party who was sick (I didn't know until we got to the party) My 2 year old was then sick for a week. My point is, it's swings and roundabouts. If you stopped a toddler leaving the house whenever they have a cold, you'd go nowhere.

Yes, but you don’t bring a sick toddler to someone’s house when they have a 5 month old baby. Just insane to think that’s okay.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 01:16

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:02

It's the common cold. Not a virus that a few people hVe

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Really! How on earth would you know, if it’s a virus or a cold, the point is they are both contagious, why would you knowing take a child to someone else’s home, when you know this can be passed on.
And most importantly, your visit is not essential, what difference does it make to reschedule.
Yes l understand, there are coughs and colds etc, this time of year, what l don’t get, why visit somewhere with an unwell child, when there’s no real need to.

BabyLikesMsRachel · 27/12/2025 01:14

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:06

Who among us would actually do this, though? When it came to it? I know I wouldn’t; I’d be too embarrassed.

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I absolutely 100 per cent would and I'd do this even now with older children if the toddler was visibily unwell. I don't mind a very mild cold e.g. slightly snotty and mild cough but otherwise well, as my children are older - eldest is 1 and catches everything going from nursery anyway. But more than that, no, you're not welcome in my house to spread whatever it is around

Thankfully this has never happened to me, I don't know anyone that inconsiderate.

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:06

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

Who among us would actually do this, though? When it came to it? I know I wouldn’t; I’d be too embarrassed.

ThreeSixtyTwo · 27/12/2025 01:06

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

Nope.

The immune system isn't mature enough yet to build anything meaningful and lasting from the experience. That's why the baby vaccination takes so many repetitions-the early protection doesn't last, but is very valuable for the baby, so waiting isn't better.

Noone is advocating totally sterile environment, but making the baby intentionally exposed to a high viral dose from openly ill child is a stupid idea

Anywherebuthere · 27/12/2025 01:04

I agree it would have been best to keep her child away. But you could have asked her to leave as soon you realised. YABU if you didn't do that.

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:04

I agree it’s very thoughtless OP, someone did the same to me at a similar stage and we all got very unwell - but luckily just after Xmas had passed. But it wasn’t fun. I remember the anxiety of nursing a sick baby very well.

However having been through the toddler stage twice now, they are ill on far more days than they are well for about 2.5 years so you do forget that it’s not normal to be schlepping germs around on the daily.

it was thoughtless for your friend to not call ahead and let you know with a young baby and possibly vulnerable family coming to stay

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:02

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

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It's the common cold. Not a virus that a few people hVe

SweetBaklava · 27/12/2025 01:02

YANBU, particularly from the point of it being just before Christmas. I have friends whose Christmas was completely ruined (trip to spend Christmas in one parent’s home country had to be cancelled) due to one of their kids contracting a highly contagious illness in similar circumstances. People just do not THINK!!!

Littlemisscapable · 27/12/2025 01:01

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 22:45

Annoying but it's life. You or dh could have easily picked up a cold somewhere else and gave it to dd

This..dont stress it's a normal part of life. You won't know where bugs have come from.

scoobysnaxx · 27/12/2025 01:01

It’s literally nothing to do with the ‘baby not knowing it’s Christmas’ how stupid 🥴

it’s about being an inconsiderate prick right before Christmas.

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:01

How do you know they didn't get it from you?

ThreeSixtyTwo · 27/12/2025 00:58

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

It's hard to assess the health of someone else's child at the first glance at the door.
Especially if you don't really expect your guest to be this shit, so you try to excuse the first cough as a (totally existing) post infection coughing which can linger for weeks. Even asking is hard, as it means you are questioning the reasoning of your guest. Yes, it might be necessary going forward, but when you are put on the spot it's hard.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:54

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:40

Thank you! Seriously starting to lose faith in people. They're surely the types who come into work spluttering everywhere and expect some kind of medal for "cracking on" regardless. Meanwhile they've made people at best miserable and at worse passed it on the vulnerable people unnecessarily. Smh

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Exactly.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:52

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

No @FancyCatSlave it’s not "gay abandonment”
you’re completely missing the point, how is it ok to take your unwell child to visit someone else’s home, it’s not like visiting is vital and that’s the point, you visiting is not essential, so why go, when it’s just common sense to reschedule🙄

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:40

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

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Thank you! Seriously starting to lose faith in people. They're surely the types who come into work spluttering everywhere and expect some kind of medal for "cracking on" regardless. Meanwhile they've made people at best miserable and at worse passed it on the vulnerable people unnecessarily. Smh

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Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:39

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas

How is that helpful! Your username @Theslummymummy explains a lot!

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 22:45

Annoying but it's life. You or dh could have easily picked up a cold somewhere else and gave it to dd

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:34

So many people seem to be missing the point of this.
I'm not expecting "special treatment" as the mum of a baby.
Imo it is common courtesy to let people know you are ill before visiting them and the situation I was in was even more reason to do so. Letting people know takes next to zero effort.

This isn't some weird kind of competition between baby and toddler mums.
These comments of people seeming to think they're some sort of authority on the subject because their child is a couple of years older than mine and think they should be applauded for "cracking on" are so depressing.

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Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:25

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

I'll be taking her out and about most likely. Not to visit a baby in their own home unnecessarily, but if you're happy to do that with "gay abandon" and no heads-up I guess that your prerogative 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

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Jinglejells · 27/12/2025 00:23

Sorry op that was so incredibly selfish of her. Really shows you what type of person she is.
now that you have a baby you really need to speak up on behalf of them. It gets easier and you find yourself being more assertive

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:21

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas

Never said she did? I on the other hand do given I had plans...
These comments miss the point entirely.

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Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:19

Twirlyhockey · 26/12/2025 23:43

It's a week before Christmas, I have elderly family members, I'm exclusively breastfeeding and running on next to no sleep...

But the toddler's mum is in the same position I'm sure. Sometimes you get even less sleep when they're 20 months with a cold than you do when they are 5 weeks with a cold. I certainly had more exhaustion when I was back at work and toddler was still waking at night and needed much more energy in the daytime and had to get out of the house. It feels when you are a new FTM that you are more exhausted and more of a special case than everyone else, but truthfully we are all absolutely run ragged and the only difference between 12 weeks in and 3 years in is that we are (plus side)
more used to it and (minus side) more cumulatively drained by it. And with a toddler nobody's bringing you stuff and cooking your Christmas dinner, you are probably back to doing it for others. This isn't a competitive exhaustion thing, just a reason why the other mum might just see your little family as also in the trenches, rather than someone needing specific treatment.

And children are always, always ill at Christmas, for years, and so are parents very often. It's one of the crappy things nobody tells you. Aside from a massive vomiting bug, or a very newborn baby I can't see why anyone would mind a cold to be briefly around a child. For all you know, you might have given the baby the cold yourself off someone you passed in the supermarket.

Nothing to do with who is more tired. It's basic courtesy.

OP posts:

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas