Page 4 | Baby ill from friend's toddler

Biscuit94 · 2025-12-26T22:39:06+00:00

Hi all, I have a 5 month old baby. Just over a week before Christmas my friend said she was up for Christmas and asked if she could pop round. She showed up on my doorstep with her toddler coughing and spluttering everywhere. I was surprised and thought maybe it was just a lingering cough, but she cheerily announced that he was always ill from nursery these days and walked straight in. I understand that my baby is going to get ill and be exposed to all kinds of stuff, but why the hell would you do it just before Christmas? Anyway, I came down with the cold a couple of days later, followed by my DH and then my poor baby girl on Christmas Eve. I thought she had gotten away with it as I am breastfeeding and thought maybe she had antibodies from me, but the poor little thing has been coughing and sneezing, struggling to sleep from the congestion and having more watery poos than normal :(. Absolutely gutted for her and even worse that it is over Christmas. Making sure to feed often, use Calpol and saline spray/a baby vapour rub. She slept on my DH for 5 hours last night and then me for another 5 as she is so uncomfortable lying flat in her bassinet. I am so angry upset at my friend for not bothering to give me a heads-up/postpone/leave her toddler with his grandparents who she is staying with. AIBU?

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 28/12/2025 08:45

WhatTheFuk · 28/12/2025 01:20

Immunity debt is not a thing in reality. It’s not going to benefit a baby to get sick. No visit is worth illness, disrupted sleep, plans, and ruined time off from work. It’s sensible and good manners to stay away from a baby when unwell.

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💯

OP posts:

HipHopDontYouStop · 28/12/2025 08:40

Yes the baby could have caught a bug from anywhere but you don’t court it by having ill people in your home.

Consideration still matters.

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 28/12/2025 08:40

TJk86 · 28/12/2025 08:27

You said “There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.” as if OP’s friend was doing her a favour to infect her baby.

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Exactly...
Yes it's done me a massive favour to miss out on loads of stuff over Christmas, be up almost all night with my baby for the last few days and have to watch her be completely miserable over the festive period when my friends and family are off work and want to celebrate.
I should be thanking my friend for this.🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 28/12/2025 08:37

FancyCatSlave · 28/12/2025 04:09

Patronising much! How dare you call me selfish and ignorant, who the gell do you think you are?!

Where did I mention that babies should be constantly ill?
Lack of exposure during Covid did have an impact. For example https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8450837/

So no, I don’t think that 5 month old babies need to be shielded from snotty toddlers. 2 day old babies are one thing but a normal 5 month old does not benefit from being wrapped in cotton wool.

But you do you love.

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You've completely missed the whole point of the thread as has been pointed out to you several times. There is a huge difference between total lockdown and risk reduction in normal circumstances 🤦🏼‍♀️. What you're saying about lockdown isn't false, but it is also completely irrelevant. You're arguing against a narrative that doesn't exist on this thread and advocating for parents to knowingly spread illnesses selfishly to babies and vulnerable people due to a complete misunderstanding of the context 🥴.

OP posts:

Frogbear · 28/12/2025 08:31

FancyCatSlave · 28/12/2025 04:09

Patronising much! How dare you call me selfish and ignorant, who the gell do you think you are?!

Where did I mention that babies should be constantly ill?
Lack of exposure during Covid did have an impact. For example https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8450837/

So no, I don’t think that 5 month old babies need to be shielded from snotty toddlers. 2 day old babies are one thing but a normal 5 month old does not benefit from being wrapped in cotton wool.

But you do you love.

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Well thinking it’s ok to spread germs with gay abandon is massively selfish and not what all parents do.

I have a 2 and 4 year old, and I still avoid mixing with others when they’re unwell, including my own parents who help with childcare. Friends also tell me when their children are unwell if we have plans. Not all of us are so self centred and inconsiderate that we would happily make others ill so as not to miss out.

TJk86 · 28/12/2025 08:27

FancyCatSlave · 28/12/2025 04:09

Patronising much! How dare you call me selfish and ignorant, who the gell do you think you are?!

Where did I mention that babies should be constantly ill?
Lack of exposure during Covid did have an impact. For example https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8450837/

So no, I don’t think that 5 month old babies need to be shielded from snotty toddlers. 2 day old babies are one thing but a normal 5 month old does not benefit from being wrapped in cotton wool.

But you do you love.

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You said “There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.” as if OP’s friend was doing her a favour to infect her baby.

Justchilling07 · 28/12/2025 06:42

@FancyCatSlave l just kinda understand, it’s somebody’s baby, it’s not my call, to think as you do that they shouldn’t wrap their baby up in cotton wool
Just to reiterate, it’s someone’s home, l respect that.

FancyCatSlave · 28/12/2025 06:11

Justchilling07 · 28/12/2025 05:41

@FancyCatSlave Context is everything, this isn’t about you, what you believe.This about, going to someone’s home, with an unwell child, not having the courtesy to give a friend the heads-up, your child is unwell.Posters who are not agreeing with you, completely realise, of course we can’t live in a bubble, we have to live our lives, the best we can, that said, it’s common sense, courtesy, to let the person you’re visiting know, you will be bringing your child who is not well.And just maybe consider, the friend’s baby is not fully vaccinated, it’s not really fair to inflict an illness on a baby, for what purpose, just so you can visit.It’s not up to you to say, you can’t wrap a baby up in cotton wool because it’s not your baby🙄
It’s quite laughable, that you justify this by, thinking you’re helping, building up the baby’s immunity
And no l didn’t click on your link.

Pray tell me, what’s your issue with academic research then? Do you not like science?

Justchilling07 · 28/12/2025 05:41

@FancyCatSlave Context is everything, this isn’t about you, what you believe.This about, going to someone’s home, with an unwell child, not having the courtesy to give a friend the heads-up, your child is unwell.Posters who are not agreeing with you, completely realise, of course we can’t live in a bubble, we have to live our lives, the best we can, that said, it’s common sense, courtesy, to let the person you’re visiting know, you will be bringing your child who is not well.And just maybe consider, the friend’s baby is not fully vaccinated, it’s not really fair to inflict an illness on a baby, for what purpose, just so you can visit.It’s not up to you to say, you can’t wrap a baby up in cotton wool because it’s not your baby🙄
It’s quite laughable, that you justify this by, thinking you’re helping, building up the baby’s immunity
And no l didn’t click on your link.

FancyCatSlave · 28/12/2025 04:09

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Patronising much! How dare you call me selfish and ignorant, who the gell do you think you are?!

Where did I mention that babies should be constantly ill?
Lack of exposure during Covid did have an impact. For example https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8450837/

So no, I don’t think that 5 month old babies need to be shielded from snotty toddlers. 2 day old babies are one thing but a normal 5 month old does not benefit from being wrapped in cotton wool.

But you do you love.

COVID-19 Pandemic and Its Effects on the Development of Immunity in Infancy - PMC

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8450837/

TJk86 · 28/12/2025 01:46

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WhatTheFuk · 28/12/2025 01:20

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

Immunity debt is not a thing in reality. It’s not going to benefit a baby to get sick. No visit is worth illness, disrupted sleep, plans, and ruined time off from work. It’s sensible and good manners to stay away from a baby when unwell.

Justchilling07 · 28/12/2025 00:05

Meant to say as well, please consider elderly people, who are vulnerable.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 23:58

@welcometothe10pigpigpen Gosh and you’re being rather condescending and missing the actual point of the thread.@Biscuit94 has explained and others in this thread, but it’s made no difference, sorry to have to say, you and others are being deliberately argumentative.Nobody’s saying for 1 minute that parents can’t get on with their every day life’s, just that, a 5 month old baby is not fully vaccinated and therefore is more vulnerable.
It’s really not unreasonable, for other parents to consider other people, particularly babies, that it is their responsibility to inform someone their child is unwell before visiting someone else’s home.
The point is, visiting someone’s home is very different to taking your unwell child out for a walk.I’m just baffled at yours, calling OP, precious and other posters comments on here.We know being a parent, isn’t easy, is it really too much to ask though, where possible (visiting someone’s home is possible) to consider young babies and their immediate family?
Visiting, someone’s home, when your child is unwell, is not essential, it’s so easy to phone/text the person, explain and say best to reschedule.It’s really not that difficult!

welcometothe10pigpigpen · 27/12/2025 21:16

You could have given your baby a cold. Unless you’re isolating, you’re always at risk of catching and spreading something. You’re being a bit precious. They’re going to get so many colds (yes, even breastfed babies/toddlers get ill) especially if you’re sending them to nursery. It’s annoying but just part of parenting.

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 18:12

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 18:06

And that's not implying she'd care about Christmas? Or are you more bothered about how it affects your Christmas?

I can understand perfectly well, you just aren't making any sense.

She's got a cold. Get a grip.

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Also honestly, you're just coming across as insensitive and like you don't quite understand the point of the post. I'm hardly crying that she has a cold. I'm annoyed that it could have been avoided because somebody was selfish. Leaving it at that because I genuinely don't think you understand what I'm saying.

OP posts:

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 18:10

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 18:06

And that's not implying she'd care about Christmas? Or are you more bothered about how it affects your Christmas?

I can understand perfectly well, you just aren't making any sense.

She's got a cold. Get a grip.

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Yes, I care that it affects my Christmas. Yes, I care that because she has been ill we've have to cancel plans and it's been miserable. Genuinely don't get what you can't understand about that? Nowhere did I say she knew it was Christmas?

OP posts:

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 18:06

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And that's not implying she'd care about Christmas? Or are you more bothered about how it affects your Christmas?

I can understand perfectly well, you just aren't making any sense.

She's got a cold. Get a grip.

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 17:49

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muggart · 27/12/2025 17:49

UncannyFanny · 27/12/2025 15:29

You may not think it now but in a few years this will be you. You’ll just be carrying on as normal when you realise they are always getting coughs and colds and life just carries on.

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Absolute nonsense, it’s the difference between being selfish and not being selfish not between having a toddler and not having a toddler.

I have 2 kids, the eldest is 4. I never would have done what this woman did because I’m not a shitty human being.

We don’t all use having a toddler as a excuse to go round infecting people.

Even if it wasn’t christmas and the OP wasn’t visiting vulnerable people. it’s still awful behaviour.

Frogbear · 27/12/2025 17:27

Mrsbunnychops · 27/12/2025 14:35

I’m sorry but you are being unreasonable! I’m assuming you only have one baby? Once you have a second, you can’t shelter it from your now toddler and all of their germs! Plus in winter you can pick up something from anyone! I think that a D&V bug or a known nasty like whooping cough etc then I would agree - but a cold? Most toddlers seem to have them quite a bit and permanently runny noses etc 🙈! It’s grim, but apparently good for their immune systems to catch some mild viruses when young (newborns aside). I would have needed to become a hermit to avoid winter viruses - and that is not good for mums nor babies!

That’s right, I couldn’t shield my second from all the germs my first brought home from nursery.

But we are still part of the same household and I’m not inflicting germs on other people. Completely different and just demonstrates how selfish and short sighted people can be about spreading germs.

Spreading germs in your own home - unavoidable.

Spreading germs to others in close quarters - completely avoidable and unnecessary.

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 17:25

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:21

Never said she did? I on the other hand do given I had plans...
These comments miss the point entirely.

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Ahem-

Absolutely gutted for her and even worse that it is over Christmas.

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 16:04

ThatFairy · 27/12/2025 15:51

I hate the attitude towards kids getting germs and it's not normal for them to be sick all the time, they are in an unnatural circumstance being in childcare instead of at home, if I had another baby they would be at home till they were 7. Your friend is just selfish. Everyone that knows me knows not to come near me if they are sick

Get a grip they won't be at home and not leaving the house

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 15:57

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/12/2025 15:50

Honestly it's just the way it is. If you had two children your toddler would be passing this onto younger sibling anyway. Similarly if you or Dh worked with kids or the public it would be accepted that these germs enter your home. A first born with parents who dont work with the public is much more protected from the world so you are much more alerted to this stuff. When you saw the toddler coughing you could have sanitised their hands or removed baby so it's not fair to place all blame on your friend, who probably thought nothing of it all.

Ahhhh these comments do not understand risk reduction at all. The fact is I currently don't have another child and currently don't work with the public. Therefore no, luckily, she wasn't at risk otherwise just before Christmas.
I am not saying I can wrap her in cotton wool but why knowingly increase my risk leading to us all being miserable over Christmas? It's such flawed logic to be like well if the situation was different she would have been ill anyway - the fact is it isn't. Yes she will be fine. Yes she is miserable with it as me and DH were. Yes it made us have to cancel plans over Christmas with vulnerable family and a pregnant friend. Yes it was selfish in this situation.

Stop with the whole "people get colds thing". Water is wet. I am aware and it is tiring being told something completely irrelevant and obvious.

OP posts:

ThatFairy · 27/12/2025 15:51

I hate the attitude towards kids getting germs and it's not normal for them to be sick all the time, they are in an unnatural circumstance being in childcare instead of at home, if I had another baby they would be at home till they were 7. Your friend is just selfish. Everyone that knows me knows not to come near me if they are sick