To ask to be signed off work? 32 weeks pregnant. Very passive aggressive boss

lmt92 · 2025-12-26T21:10:55+00:00

32 weeks pregnant, suffering with so many aches and pains including sciatica, spd and just overall being exhausted. Averaging at about 3 hours of broken sleep per night. Have been trucking on at work even though it’s killing me but my manager is just giving me nothing back. Literally broke down at work this week as I was in so much pain. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and said “are the extra breaks not helping then no?” 🫠 just to clarify, the extra breaks are 2 x 5min unpaid breaks in the back in addition to my 45 minute lunch. I’m working 8 hour shifts but it’s been so busy I’m always leaving 1-1.5 hours later (being guilt tripped into that by her too). It was honestly my last straw and I thought why am I breaking my back for this? I get sick pay so I’m not worried about that. It sounds stupid but I’m a chronic people pleaser and my boss makes me so anxious. She’s so passive aggressive, she doesn’t scare me but she makes me nervous if you get me! Like I know if I get a doctors note on Monday because of my pain she will make my life really hard, will constantly message me asking when I’m returning etc… what should I do? I’m so burnt out and In agony. But just the thought of telling her I won’t be in makes my stomach turn

Mumofoneandone · 27/12/2025 10:24

Maybe worth talking to ACAS.....
Yes get signed off but perhaps get it for work related stress/'bullying' by management as she sounds appalling. Her behaviour could also potentially be pregnancy discrimination, as the poor way she is treating you seems linked to you being pregnant, which is illegal.
Keep notes of her treatment of you. If she tries to contact you on sick leave, contact HR or put a complaint in.

Nonsense10 · 27/12/2025 10:17

OP - please ignore anyone who is saying that you can be forced onto maternity leave before 36 weeks. Any work place doing this is acting illegally.

You can be made to go on maternity leave from 36 weeks if you are signed off with a pregnancy related issue.

If you are signed off with work related stress, then they cannot force you on maternity leave until 40 weeks.

As you are going off at 36 weeks, just get signed off now. As often you need to give 8 weeks notice to change it/delay maternity leave.

Nonsense10 · 27/12/2025 10:13

whatsit84 · 27/12/2025 09:49

Yes at my work they’d make you start mat leave. It’s normal to ache when you are pregnant and not sleep much.

Which is illegal. They cannot force anyone to go onto maternity leave before 36 weeks with a pregnancy related issue.

whatsit84 · 27/12/2025 09:49

Yes at my work they’d make you start mat leave. It’s normal to ache when you are pregnant and not sleep much.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 27/12/2025 09:46

I'd power through, I'd want the time with my baby if planning to return to work rather than time at home sick. 12months mat leave is so short, cutting it down to 10 or 11months is ridiculous. They're still such tiny babies who need their mum.

Bearbookagainandagain · 27/12/2025 09:44

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:15

my mat leave starts at 36 weeks- can they force me to go before this??

They legally have to start your mat leave for any pregnancy related sickness at this stage of the pregnancy.

Ccandmarmite · 27/12/2025 09:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LittlePeachh · 27/12/2025 09:22

Just wondering if you’ve accumulated any annual leave?
With my first child I was same issues as you, I used my annual leave for 3 weeks & then took early maternity. It meant returning to work when she was 7 months but I didn’t actually mind that at all.
I know not all work places would allow this, but technically you need to use all annual leave if you won’t be returning within the period.

Joi321 · 26/12/2025 22:16

Laura95167 · 26/12/2025 21:42

Yes they can

Show quote history

No they can’t, not before 36 weeks - that would be against the law. Drives me mad that more women don’t understand maternity rights.

Chinsupmeloves · 26/12/2025 21:42

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:22

I really wish I could ask for more adjustments. Well feel comfortable enough to ask 😣 I really had to fight for the two additional short breaks and she still only agreed on the condition that if I didn’t need them on a particular day I wouldn’t take them… everytime I take one she lingers around the office until I’m done… she’s like this with everyone not just me so I try not to take it personally. But in short terms I don’t think she’d agree to anything else.

Very unfortunate you have such a harsh boss who has little empathy. Can you take the issue higher? Xx

Laura95167 · 26/12/2025 21:42

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:15

my mat leave starts at 36 weeks- can they force me to go before this??

Yes they can

Joi321 · 26/12/2025 21:40

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:34

Just having a read of my contract, morning about maternity in there other than the fact that I still accrue holidays on mat leave. Apart from that literally nothing else is mentioned. Online says pregnancy related sick leave triggers mat leave 4 weeks before due date. As I’m due to go on mat leave at 36 weeks this would be okay???so confusing!

thanks everyone, she’s a bit of a bully. Not just to me but I’m definitely on the receiving end of it a lot lately as I’m having to ask her for things! She doesn’t have children and I think she might be a bit blind to how hard pregnancy can be. But she’s very unsympathetic to any issue tbh… I think I’m going to go ahead and go on sick leave. I am so sore and exhausted. My heart is racing just thinking about it. If I provide her with say a 2 week note, can she still contact me through this note/ask me to call in daily?? I have a feeling she’s going to make it very difficult

Yes that would be fine and no they shouldn’t expect to speak to you daily with a 2 week note (there are definitely rules around contact but not sure what’s reasonable) but ask your GP for a 4 week note to cover you up to 35 weeks as it’s not like aches/pains/exhaustion improves after 34 weeks! Also you can self certify for the first week just say it’s pregnancy related.

maryberryslayers · 26/12/2025 21:36

Go off sick now, mat leave can't be triggered until 4 weeks before which is when you were starting anyway?l Can you speak to HR rather than her? Let them know you don't wish to be contacted and report her if she does.

Original poster

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:34

Just having a read of my contract, morning about maternity in there other than the fact that I still accrue holidays on mat leave. Apart from that literally nothing else is mentioned. Online says pregnancy related sick leave triggers mat leave 4 weeks before due date. As I’m due to go on mat leave at 36 weeks this would be okay???so confusing!

thanks everyone, she’s a bit of a bully. Not just to me but I’m definitely on the receiving end of it a lot lately as I’m having to ask her for things! She doesn’t have children and I think she might be a bit blind to how hard pregnancy can be. But she’s very unsympathetic to any issue tbh… I think I’m going to go ahead and go on sick leave. I am so sore and exhausted. My heart is racing just thinking about it. If I provide her with say a 2 week note, can she still contact me through this note/ask me to call in daily?? I have a feeling she’s going to make it very difficult

OP posts:

Nearly50omg · 26/12/2025 21:30

And DONT do any more hours then you are paid and leave on time every day!! Just ignore your manager if they try and guilt you - just tell her your baby is your priority not the business

Nearly50omg · 26/12/2025 21:29

If your manager contacts you when you are off sick hassling you report them to HR

notthatoldchestnut · 26/12/2025 21:28

They can make you go off at 36 weeks if you’re off with pregnancy related sickness. However, you’re finishing at 36 weeks anyway.

OP - do yourself a favour. Get a fit note for the next month and then start at 36 weeks as planned

Dozer · 26/12/2025 21:25

Yes, check online if it’s triggered, if it isn’t take pregnancy related sick leave.

Joi321 · 26/12/2025 21:23

They can’t trigger your maternity leave until 36 weeks, 100% go off sick based on what you have said - pregnancy related exhaustion/aches pains count as pregnancy related sickness just make sure this is on your doctors note.

Original poster

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:22

I really wish I could ask for more adjustments. Well feel comfortable enough to ask 😣 I really had to fight for the two additional short breaks and she still only agreed on the condition that if I didn’t need them on a particular day I wouldn’t take them… everytime I take one she lingers around the office until I’m done… she’s like this with everyone not just me so I try not to take it personally. But in short terms I don’t think she’d agree to anything else.

OP posts:

ParisianLady · 26/12/2025 21:21

If it is pregnancy related sickness you’d likely have to start your maternity. If it was unrelated to pregnancy, such as workplace stress or insomnia, you might go on sick leave. Do check your policy.

Your work doesn’t sound very accommodating. Have you tried asking for more adjustments? There is a balance to strike and it’s important that you look after your health and wellbeing. No one is going to be doing well on 3hrs of broken sleep a night, you poor thing.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/12/2025 21:20

It is normally up to you to decide when you wish to start your maternity leave. However, if you are off sick with a pregnancy-related illness in the last four weeks before your expected week of childbirth, your employer can start your maternity leave automatically.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/sickness-during-pregnancy-and-maternity-leave/

PodMom · 26/12/2025 21:19

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:15

my mat leave starts at 36 weeks- can they force me to go before this??

If you go off sick yes. I was off sick and think they made my maternity leave start at 32 weeks, this was a few years ago so not sure if it’s changed.

Dozer · 26/12/2025 21:17

Sounds really hard. Agree with @PurpleThistle7 , be aware that after a certain point any sick leave could trigger the start of maternity leave.

Your health is important, so if the adjustments in place aren’t enough you could ask for more.

Original poster

lmt92 · 26/12/2025 21:16

Only entitled to SMP as work place doesn’t offer an enhanced policy if that makes a difference?

OP posts: