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Original poster

Visiting family dramas..

63 replies

Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:08

We were supposed to visit MIL house today for Boxing Day we usually have another Christmas Day and the whole family comes together. BIL and his girlfriend got a dog couple of months ago and they bring him everywhere with them so DH told MIL just to let BIL know that DS is allergic to the dog and to leave him at home Boxing Day. She knows this as she has gave DS piriton on two occasions. She didn’t tell them as she hates being confrontational and we were nearly on our way.

So today got cancelled and now it almost feels like we were overacting as we’ve been told that the dog is hypo-allergenic so it’s not possible. We have a dog ourselves but we don’t bring him everywhere with us. Everytime DS comes into contact with the dog his nose keeps running and he keeps sneezing and his eyes swell up for 2-3 days.

Are we being unreasonable? Why on earth would I bring my son into an environment when I know he is then going to be miserable for the next however many days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 22:17

MannersAreAll · 26/12/2025 22:11

the two occasions he has been at MIL’s the dog has been there DS has come back a mess. Whenever we go there and the dog isn’t there he is fine. It has to be the dog??

Are you sure it's the dog?

What breed do you have and what do they have?

I only ask because for about 4 years I thought I was highly allergic to my uncles dog. Was very weird as I'm not allergic to other dogs yet everytime I was around them I sneezed and wheezed constantly.

Only when we went to a funeral and the dog was left in kennels did I realise I was actually allergic to my uncles aftershave.

I have a chihuahua x

OP posts:
ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 26/12/2025 22:16

Na. If you have a dog then refusing to attend Christmas dinner where there was another dog isn’t remotely plausible.

Clearly you didn’t want to go and this was an excuse.

And while I get the notion that he might have some reaction to a different dog (I’ve been there with other people’s cats vs my own), it’s not going to be a severe reaction otherwise you would never have risked having a dog yourselves.

you’re entirely unreasonable.

MannersAreAll · 26/12/2025 22:11

the two occasions he has been at MIL’s the dog has been there DS has come back a mess. Whenever we go there and the dog isn’t there he is fine. It has to be the dog??

Are you sure it's the dog?

What breed do you have and what do they have?

I only ask because for about 4 years I thought I was highly allergic to my uncles dog. Was very weird as I'm not allergic to other dogs yet everytime I was around them I sneezed and wheezed constantly.

Only when we went to a funeral and the dog was left in kennels did I realise I was actually allergic to my uncles aftershave.

Mylovelygreendress · 26/12/2025 22:08

I love dogs but I am bemused that some people won’t even consider leaving their dog for a couple of hours . I have one friend who will only go to certain cafes if we meet for coffee as she always has her dog with her and a couple that DH and I sometimes meet for a drink insist on going to a pub where they can take their 2 ( yappy) dogs.
Strange.

Happyjoe · 26/12/2025 22:05

Am allergic to cats and dogs and spent my whole life living with one or another and being fine after a couple of weeks. Sometimes we are lucky to build up own natural defence which may explain OP's son being ok with the dog he lives with.

But, I don't understand why dogs have to go too. Growing up with a dog mad mum, she always made sure that either someone was at home to walk and feed at some stage if out for hours or she only went out for a few hours to go back herself.. I am also like this with my cat, I only go out for a few hours at a time as she's too nervous of strangers to have anyone come into the house for feeding. We adjust our plans, not expect pet to come too.

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:59

Augarden · 26/12/2025 21:57

Why are they bringing their dog over anyway? When did people become incapable of leaving a dog alone for a few hours? This didn't used to be a thing.

This is what me and DH have said bizzare! Never known anything like it.

OP posts:
MumChp · 26/12/2025 21:58

harriethoyle · 26/12/2025 21:45

I can understand why your bil finds it odd your ds isn’t allergic to your dog but would be to his. Also find it odd DH didn’t speak directly to his brother.

I had given up trying to understand how that works.

Augarden · 26/12/2025 21:57

Why are they bringing their dog over anyway? When did people become incapable of leaving a dog alone for a few hours? This didn't used to be a thing.

ChristmasHug · 26/12/2025 21:55

Why was it cancelled? I'm assuming nil refused to come without the dog and mil cancelled the whole thing?

I think dh is in the wrong for telling mil what should happen in her own house. Fine to say 'ds allergic to dog so we can't come if bil dog there' then let mil decide what to do.

NoSoupForU · 26/12/2025 21:54

I don't think you really get to dictate who's invited or not allowed to someone else's house. You can say you don't like it and choose not to go, as you've done.

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:54

tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:52

Personally because he has been in contact with the dog a couple of times in the last couple of months.

People visit relatives when it's not just Christmas.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:54

harriethoyle · 26/12/2025 21:50

But you said they only got it a couple of months ago so how do you know that?

Show quote history

the two occasions he has been at MIL’s the dog has been there DS has come back a mess. Whenever we go there and the dog isn’t there he is fine. It has to be the dog??

OP posts:
tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:52

harriethoyle · 26/12/2025 21:50

But you said they only got it a couple of months ago so how do you know that?

Show quote history

Personally because he has been in contact with the dog a couple of times in the last couple of months.

People visit relatives when it's not just Christmas.

harriethoyle · 26/12/2025 21:50

Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:49

Why would we do that? We having Boxing Day every year with them. DS is just allergic to the dog.

Show quote history

But you said they only got it a couple of months ago so how do you know that?

tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:50

DaisyChain505 · 26/12/2025 21:47

Your son is allergic to dogs yet you have a dog? I’d be calling bullshit excuse to not want to come if someone used this on me when they had a dog.

Your husband should have spoken directly to his brother rather than using his mum as a messenger.

I'm allergic to cats. I have owned cats.

It's not bullshit. People have different reactions to different breeds, and people can develop a tolerance to their own animals. I certainly do. But I would still react to other people's cats.

Hercisback1 · 26/12/2025 21:50

It seems a little chinny reckon that your DS is only allergic to their dog...

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:49

DaisyChain505 · 26/12/2025 21:47

Your son is allergic to dogs yet you have a dog? I’d be calling bullshit excuse to not want to come if someone used this on me when they had a dog.

Your husband should have spoken directly to his brother rather than using his mum as a messenger.

Why would we do that? We having Boxing Day every year with them. DS is just allergic to the dog.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 26/12/2025 21:47

Your son is allergic to dogs yet you have a dog? I’d be calling bullshit excuse to not want to come if someone used this on me when they had a dog.

Your husband should have spoken directly to his brother rather than using his mum as a messenger.

BasiliskStare · 26/12/2025 21:46

I'd be interested to know the breeds of dogs ( yours and BIL'S) , but for a day most dogs can have a big walk , left somewhere safe and can be OK for a few hours. What is your dog that DC is not allergic to , or perhaps has just got used to him ?

harriethoyle · 26/12/2025 21:45

I can understand why your bil finds it odd your ds isn’t allergic to your dog but would be to his. Also find it odd DH didn’t speak directly to his brother.

tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:45

Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:41

He’s 3 years old and piriton doesn’t work.

Show quote history

Then maybe try other antihistamines. There are other options!

Why didn't you mention that piriton doesn't work for your son in your post? Seems odd that your mil would give it more than once if it doesn't. Gotta love a drip feed!

Squirrelchops1 · 26/12/2025 21:42

My friend ended up hospitalised after being around her inlaws hypoallergenic dogs! So there's no guarantee at all that your son would be ok.
Also it's pretty shit having to take antihistamines as they render me very sleepy.

Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:41

tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:40

I went to my daughter's yesterday.
I'm allergic to her dog.
I just took an anti-histamine beforehand and was fine.

Why can't your child just take the piriton ahead of spending time with the dog?

On the face of it, yes, I think you were overreacting.

He’s 3 years old and piriton doesn’t work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notaperfectmom · 26/12/2025 21:40

CookingFatCat · 26/12/2025 21:35

Why did MIL have to relay the request, your DH should have spoken to his own brother ?

DH should have said something the last time it happened. I have said that to him!

OP posts:
tilypu · 26/12/2025 21:40

I went to my daughter's yesterday.
I'm allergic to her dog.
I just took an anti-histamine beforehand and was fine.

Why can't your child just take the piriton ahead of spending time with the dog?

On the face of it, yes, I think you were overreacting.