My MIL turned up with her friends on Boxing Day unannounced and expected to be entertained

Yes the comments are harsh but, at the same time, the only way to solve the problem is to keep being firm with your boundaries.

Going forward, I’d say one boundary needs to be no spur of the moment visits. This is clearly a tactic your narc mil is using to put you on the back foot. E message from both of you needs to be that you would love to see her but if she calls on the day or visits unannounced she does not get let in.

I also think that when you meet it should be in a neutral environment.

I honestly don’t think she sounds trustworthy enough to take DC out on her own. I think you are being very lenient there. DH needs to be with her until she is able to prove that she is trustworthy and willing to follow your basic wishes.

If DH is really a decent guy that he will be happy to get some counselling to deal with his childhood and stand up to his mother.

YABU for allowing MIL to run roughshod over you. I’d have said NO! And put the cake away. Someone doesn’t accidentally start cutting a cake. You are wet and let it all happen.

@Dopeychicken Please disregard the "tough love" posters. I would have stayed firm and polite though. "I said no Mil, the cake is for tomorrow". Then move away cake. "No, you are not taking the baby out today".
She doesn't respect you so you have to he very firm- as with a kid having a tantrum. No No No and enforce. Sorry you can't count on your dh but he must have been trained to be a door mat. Make sure you are not following that path.

Having initially thought it was nice of her to do this, it seems she wanted to show off her GC to friends, also nice. But then bringing them back is too much. Is she the type to welcome people round at any time so doesn't get you don't do the same?

Lesson learnt, in future a straight no, we have our day planned. Xx

Your MIL is a CF and I totally understand it being difficult to set boundaries with family members, especially if your husband is not reinforcing those boundaries. Sounds very frustrating.

The repeated mention of a polluted road bit is weird, hate to say it but if your MIL can walk from yours up that road and back within 45 mins it’s not going to be largely more polluted than your house street - maybe the solution is to move to a less polluted area and also further away from your MIL - 2 birds with one stone 😂

You need to stand up to her or this is your life. Why on earth didn't you take the cake away from her?

“I was hoping for some helpful advice on how to tackle a situation, not a barrage of criticism and judgement.”

MN is going to help you by being honest with you. They are not going to molly coddle you with platitudes. The bottom line is that by not asserting yourselves, you and your husband are enabling her behaviour. You say you set boundaries but they’re clearly not working if your op is true. Who helps themselves to someone else’s cake? Therefore the situation won’t get any better until you start saying no. And mean it.

Your husband isn’t great. He should have taken his child for a walk instead of his mother and he should have kicked her and the rest of the old biddies out.

Mil sounds horrific. I'd consider moving n not telling her where to!

Tell me you (and @Justcheeseatthispoint) don't know any Scottish people, without telling me you don't know any Scottish people

It would help to pick your battles, if you lower the bar to the level of not going on a street with shops and the few cars you get on boxing day when the shops are probably shut, you allow her to paint you as neurotic and easily dismissed.

The cake thing is terrible though, I can't imagine being that rude or being comfortable if my friend treated her DIL like that in front of me. What would happen if your DH phoned and told her you were upset by it, that it was rude and embarrassing?

I think I'd approach this by bringing up things later rather than only fighting her in the moment. Instead of her just reacting and trying to save face, you call her and have a conversation about how she'd feel if she made a cake for a friend and you pushed in and started eating it even if she said no?

One of the best ways I dealt with my dad pushing boundaries was to ask how he'd felt when his mum criticised his choices or overstayed her welcome. It helped that she'd been a much more difficult character than he was, but it did help him realise how it had felt

Thank you. I can’t be doing with atrocious grammar.

I think it means "She expected to be entertained." For some reason, people have started leaving off the "to be" part of the sentence. Like they'll say, "This kitchen needs cleaned" instead of "this kitchen needs to be cleaned." I don't know why they don't say "this kitchen needs cleaning" instead but there it is. Language changes over time.

Hi op if your dh has been mentally abused by his mum why are you letting her into your kids lives? Honestly he should be telling her no and if she doesn’t like this she can lump it. She is now abusing you all are you going to let her. She manipulated you both. She took your kid somewhere you told her not to. Ignored you and she will keep abusing you all because that’s who she is. If that was my family it would be very very low contact tbh. Boundaries mean fuck all to her I really hope you take on board the abuse she is causing it will never stop unless you stop her now.

This woman is not going to become nicer, you will have to forget about appearing rude as it sounds like she enjoys getting her own way and making it look like you're unreasonable.

The cake was the height of rudeness and worse that you prepared it for your parents and she had her day with you yesterday. She needs a talking to about manners. Your husband should have spoken up but it's hard to be assertive in front of his mother's friends.

Leave her outside a locked door next time she turns up.

what if OP had used the last of it, or didn’t quite have enough left?

and aside from the fact OP is still recovering from childbirth, why should she have to stand and make another just because a group of grown ass adults couldn’t take no for an answer?

You all sound awful.

What does ‘expected entertained’ even mean?

This response absolutely cannot be real?

Making a cake takes minimal time and effort though and it’s normal to have ingredients in the house to remake a cake. Who doesn’t have eggs, flour, sugar and butter in?

I voted YABU purely because neither you or your DH actually said a firm 'no'.

You need to learn to be more assertive and your DH has to back you up properly. He sounds a bit spineless.

Answering the phone to her was mistake number one.

Be far stronger. Far far stronger and try and get your DH to back you on all of it.

She sounds so bad I think you should consider cutting down contact massively or totally. Piss taking is all very well but this is involving your DC and she is wayyy out of order in every respect.

Yanbu. She's manipulative, devisive and pulling rank in your house. I'd refuse to have her there again.

If she implies she is going to turn up again, I would take your dc and go out. Make it clear the wretched woman should have the good manners to wait for an invitation.

Tell her to fuck off, pure and simple

The cake thing really pissed me off. My husband’s ears would be ringing.

You’re not unreasonable to not liking the intrusion & you’re well within your rights to be annoyed & to vent this at your husband & her. But what I will say devalues your argument is the polluted roads one. As a one off walk it’s a ridiculous argument especially when I’m sure your child has been exposed to these streets before. I’d have stuck to the point she was rude & inconsiderate anything else just looks like you’re finding things to moan about.