Argument with my DM over baby items

We had this still do have the steps.

Frame of pram generally stayed in the car or garage at road level. Just cary the car seat or carry cot up.

DD learned to manage stairs safely quicker than most kids i think, never once fell on our front steps. I would hold her hand.

Would it have been easier on ground level ? Yes probably. Did we ever consider moving ? No, Its an issue for a limited time.

If youre planning 2 that might be more of a juggle.

Lots of houses have outside steps abd obviously flats do, lots of wYs around it.

With all due respect, plenty of babies are fine to be put down. Mine loved his gigantic pram and slept like a dream in it. It actually made an enormous difference to us to have a nice pram with a bassinet that was certified safe for sleeping. I used to walk him to put him to sleep, wheel him back to the house and watch 2 hours of Netflix. He also slept in his crib from day 0 (woke every 1-4 hours but that's how they are).

And I found baby wearing absolutely killed my back, I have no idea how you can put up with wearing a 5 kilo weight on your chest all day long and call it comfortable.

I don't think her mum is wrong to point out that making your life more comfortable is a good idea.

All I would say is be 100% sure that this is where you want to live long term. Moving house with a baby/toddler is 100 times harder.

Not having somewhere to put the pram sounds like a pain. Not insurmountable but just a bit of a pain.

I think what your mum is getting at is that life with a baby is incredibly hard. You don't understand it until you live it. So small stuff like that really adds to your workload.

Again, not insurmountable at all and plenty of us live in odd houses like that, but if I could afford to move, I would.

Something I feel like nobody told me is that before 4 months babies are not designed to be put down.

We live in a smaller home and knowing this, if I had my first time over again, I would get:

• a sling
• car seat (store in the car)
• stokke Tripp Trapp with newborn and baby attachments
• cot (IKEA sniglar that can be easily resold/passed on)

We have a Silver Cross Cove and it’s wonderfully easy to fold, light, great suspension but she hates being put down so the newborn bassinet was a waste of money! I would use the sling for first 6 months and then think about a pushchair buggy (maybe stokke yo-yo) that you easily store in the car or just upgrade to an ergo baby carrier.

I would not move if you are happy. My parents’ generation definitely have a tendency to over buy and feel babies need a lot, but I think it’s because they were having their kids as the baby equipment market exploded with products. It has been hard work explaining to them why they can’t find bouncers, cot bumpers and walkers!

We spent months looking at prams, spent a ridiculous amount of money, and our baby hated it and it was rarely used. We had a carrier (stretchy wrap and then a tula FTG). Our car seat never left the car. The joolz aer2 is very light and compact. I think it is small enough to fit in the overhead compartments on planes and can be used from birth.

How do you cope with normal life ? All this catastrophising must take it out of you.

No wonder there's so much anxiety about. People have been raising babies in these types of houses for decades.
When we had dd we lived in a first floor flat. Stairs no lift just needed to be organised.
When we had two more children we lived in a semi but there were 4 steps from the drive to the house again not an issue.
Some people can' t cope if any effort is involved.
If you're happy where you are op stay and if you find you don't like it you can move.

I suppose everyone’s just different! I personally hate a pram. They just feel so cumbersome. My opinion might be coloured because when my eldest was born we lived in a second floor flat so the pram was a faff and I never got used to using it. Youngest is 9m and still yet to go in the pram. I just always have a blanket in my backpack and pop them on the table with my coffee and cake when they are tiny.

I think that’s looking for drama tbh. A toddler/young child s just as likely to fall down the stairs indoors. Stairs are fun for small children. They just need supervising as they will anyway it being by a road with cars. We lived in a flat when mine were that small that had an outside metal spiral staircase up to our front door on the second floor…… we all survived fine!

The main issue with steps/stairs is if your baby falls asleep in the pram whilst out walking getting them indoors without them waking up is impossible ime. - even if it’s only 3 steps
Space indoors is only an issue if you have all the kit shops/influencers market at you. If you have just what you actually need you’ll be fine -as we were in our two bed flat.

She is being ridiculous! Many of us managed terraced houses with steps; this is your home, baby, and life so you get to make the decisions. Start as you mean to go on.

OP it sounds really important to have a calm conversation with your mum right at the beginning of becoming a mum yourself to establish some respectful boundaries.

I’m sure she is expressing concern out of love for you and baby, but she needs to respect you and DH as new parents with own autonomy. Also some things change (research, equipment available etc)

You can value her love and support but it will be much easier to keep the peace in the future if she understands that you are a new little family who need to choose how you act yourselves (especially about where to live!). You can assure her you will sometimes be asking for her advice and help but don’t want to fall out when you all want the same thing - a happy family.

I know it can sometimes be fraught in families but my DD made it very clear as a teen she would live her own life and now as a new mum our relationship is really warm and peaceful. it can be hard but worth working towards. I give support but am very respectful of her and DH as adult parents themselves and do things their way. Congratulations.

If you were saying there are two equal houses we are looking at renting the only difference between the two is one has steps and the other doesn't. I would be saying absolutely go with the one without the steps.
There are lots of things about houses that are less ideal for children but you adjust and if something irritates you, you then look at the changes.

My first didn't use the pram for the first 4 months I walked it around like a giant shopping trolley with her in the carrier (no car). My second used the pram for the first month and has screamed in it since. He's nearly 4 months so I go to keep trying him in it too see if he will start using it..

In the house we had our first in, the downstairs was open plan and it got on our nerves having no escape in the evening from toys and we unexpectedly had to turn the nursery into an office. Our room was big enough to have a baby zone in the corner though so we made it work. When my partners commute became untenable we then looked for a house that had a place for toys not in the main living space and room for a study and my daughter to have her own room.

See how you get on, ensure you have a back up fund to facilitate a move should you need to move because of the steps or a hundred reasons not connected to the steps and go from there.

She needs to let you make your own decisions - just keep telling her you know what you're doing and want to make your own way.

If a buggy is going to be tricky get a good sling and / or baby carrier and a nappy bag that's a backpack. I carried both of mine much more than I pushed them, it's a dead convenient way of getting out and about.

Do you have a car? If so you can keep your pram in the boot and save the hassle of getting it in and out of the house.

How do people manage without? I couldn't even use a sling until the baby reached a certain weight.
Carrying even a light baby regularly can be sore on your back, and I loved having somewhere the baby could be while I had a cup of coffee out!

It’s your business but do not underestimate the PITA of stairs and stroller and no place to store it

Have had 4 DC myself,and kind of do agree with your mum.
But it's where you live ,so like everyone else you just have to get on with what you have

Stairs sound like a massive pain to me but of course it's up to you. If you end up having a csection (you honestly never know) even lifting a buggy in and out of the car can be too much for a while. I think the PPs about having a toddler are valid also. That said, people manage with far worse. It's just whether you want to manage the big hassle of moving now, or a little hassle everytime you want to leave the house alone for a couple of years! You might end up wearing baby more but is all quite hard to predict.
Maybe your mum envisages helping you but knows she won't manage the steps?
And: Congratulations:)

You'll manage where you are if you want to. I lived in a second floor flat (no lift) when DD1 was a baby and while I liked living there I managed absolutely fine. It only became an issue when nightmare neighbours meant I hated living there (so ended up hating the stairs as well).

Research the life out of prams. Buy a pram that works for your life - not one that's popular or that is the current "in" pram. Don't worry about off road wheels if you're likely to go off road once a year. Make sure it folds one handed if you use the bus often. Things like that. Colour, brand and look should all come after practicalities.

I had twins in a house with steep steps to both front and back and no driveway, plus the house is tiny.

The size of the house was not an issue until they turned two, suddenly none of us can move and we are desperately wanting to move. As babies the house was a perfectly fine size though, they don’t need much, we’ve outgrown now as their toys and clothes are bigger plus they use walking and standing frames and these things take up space!

The steps I will admit made my life infinitely more difficult than it needed to be, to the point I’m waiting to try for my third until we’ve moved (this year, hurray!) because I just can’t do it again!

However, it’s not really something anyone needs to be arguing over, it’s your house your baby and your choice, you can always move later if you decide it doesn’t work.

You can always move, if the stairs cause an issue.

Lived in a second floor flat when DD was a newborn. And I didn't drive so our pram was a rather sturdy one rather than a little fold up stroller.

And... we managed fine. I would detach the carry cot and carry that upstairs (as we lived in Germany it was considered acceptable to leave the chassis in the massive area by the front door and no one would steal it). If necessary I would take a few trips with the shopping. Plus I managed the same to get to the laundry room in the cellar.

People adapt to their living circumstances.

It does sound hard work.

Is there anywhere outside you could leave a pram/pushchair under a cover so that you wouldn't be in & out multiple times a day for example?

OP could just get a sling? No need for a pram really in the first year or so, after which you can get a stroller that’s cheap and easy to collapse.

Pram can go in boot of the car. I got it out to walk round locally put it back in carried baby into house if sleeping. Cary in the carry cot part whilst newborn also had a carrier and babies were mostly carried around in the car seat?
Are the local schools good are there nursery’s and playgroups and play parks how far is the doctors surgery? These would be the only reason to leave do you have a bedroom for the baby, space for a high chair (these can fold when not in use and sit against the wall. If child has a bedroom you can use it to store toys equipment, get a folding baby bath and look into storage for child’s room don’t buy the cot until baby outgrows snuze pod.

Overall your an adult starting your own family it’s not actually your mums choice where you live and nobody wants to unnecessarily move house while expecting a baby. Or have the extortionate costs involved at an already expensive time when you have loads to buy and need to cover maternity leave expenses.

Drowning is also a common cause of death - should parents also move out of houses with baths to ones with only showers? What about sinks? Children have been known to drown by falling into toilets, perhaps OP should use a commode or chamber pot instead? After all, you can’t be too careful.