Page 2 | To wonder why I put myself through the awfulness of having a toddler again?

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 2025-12-26T16:00:17+00:00

Seriously, I really do question it. I hated it with ds and didn’t start to enjoy parenting him until he was four. And I’m back in that place again but this time with another child’s needs to try to balance. If you adore toddlers and think that when you’re ninety you’ll look back and want another day with them this is NOT the thread for you. Nor is it a thread for those struggling with teens; you have your own board. I really do not know what the hell I was thinking.

Jinglejells · 27/12/2025 09:48

People say you will miss it, I know I won’t.i look back at the photos and all I remember was how hard it was.

Jinglejells · 27/12/2025 09:46

I feel you through and through op. Cannot tell you how much I hated, loathed and despised the toddler years. My kids were hard work from day 1- colic, reflux, massive sleep issues, Velcro babies and toddlers, incredibly fussy with food, high needs, hated it. At 4 it changed for the better so just wait it out.

PositiveCat · 27/12/2025 09:45

You probably have thought of all this, but for this moment can you rule out over-tiredness, pain, and hunger? Saying what little she’s eating made me wonder if she could have a blockage somewhere and be uncomfortable.

Mine would get more and more wired as she got more tired, so her dad used to miss the cues that she desperately needed to sleep, and that made things very hard.

More widely, is it possible for you to get some 1:1 time with your older child on a routine basis, like taking him out for tea or breakfast once a week or something, while her dad has her?

I do hope you find a solution and enjoy your children once again. This is obviously a really hard period to go through.

Mincepiefan · 27/12/2025 09:44

This sounds incredibly tough and you sound exhausted. This stage will pass, of course, you already know that - but you need help now. Where is her father in this?

I wonder whether her eating patterns could be affecting her behaviour? It might be time to ask a doctor about her development, if only to put your mind at rest.

AhBiscuits · 27/12/2025 09:42

Can you divide and concur? DH and I would sometimes take a child each so that both could have some 1 on 1 time and attention.
Since they were about 4 and 6 they have pretty easy and have a great relationship. I think from this age it's easier to have 2 than 1. Mine will play together and I don't need to be involved. They still bicker of course, but on the whole it's easier.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:38

BatchCookBabe · 27/12/2025 09:36

Wow, how supremely unhelpful, and not very kind.

@whydidiputmyselfthroughit YANBU, and I hope this difficult stage passes soon. Stay strong!

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I still don’t really understand the post you quoted, tbh. I think - think the poster had secondary infertility (and I don’t want to dismiss her pain ) and seemed to think I was being smug about having two? I’m really not, though. It was probably the worst decision of my life and I’m not saying that as an emotional reaction to the recent awfulness of DD. I don’t think there hasn’t been a day in the last twelve months or so I haven’t regretted having two.

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Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:36

addictedtotheflats · 27/12/2025 09:34

Im in the same boat, my 1st was full on, not trantrummy just on the go all the time, stubborn, ran off. He was lovely from 3 so we had another when he started school and MY GOD she is hard work. Hes 6 now and she has just turned 2 and its trench city over here.

It’s the crying and wailing. There’s an interlude of calm and then a plaintive bleat starts and it builds into a wail and a cry and a scream, it’s been going on for days now and it’s awful. I normally do get on fairly well with MIL but she made some remarks on Christmas Day about it.

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BatchCookBabe · 27/12/2025 09:36

Platypusdiver · 27/12/2025 07:49

Sorry. I am going to be the cow that says it. I would love to have a horrible toddler. It reminds me of a poster who complained about "hating the early baby years".

Go back. Don't have your toddler. See how you feel then. It's not like wishing that you hadn't bought a white dress that got dirty.

It's one thing finding it hard, it's another thing to say "ooh i am such a wally for having an another child when they get too much". I hate the fucking smugness that comes with the whole-too-much-handle -with-my-bundle.

If you genuninely thought that you would not be expressing yourself as that on this forum.

Wow, how supremely unhelpful, and not very kind.

@whydidiputmyselfthroughit YANBU, and I hope this difficult stage passes soon. Stay strong!

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:34

Do you think they do? I’m aware I am spiralling here but all I can think is that DS’s childhood ended when DD was born. He can’t play with his toys; days out are compromised, our relationship is distant now.

He is a different child on the very rare occasion I get one to one time with him.

I know that isn’t DDs ‘fault’; it’s mine. I just don’t know why I seem to be unable to cope, everyone else does.

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addictedtotheflats · 27/12/2025 09:34

Im in the same boat, my 1st was full on, not trantrummy just on the go all the time, stubborn, ran off. He was lovely from 3 so we had another when he started school and MY GOD she is hard work. Hes 6 now and she has just turned 2 and its trench city over here.

AhBiscuits · 27/12/2025 09:32

Toddlers weren't for me either, but you suffer through it for the greater good. Both of mine benefit so much for having a sibling.
DH alleges that he loved it when they were 1 & 3 and so cute and innocent. I think he is misremembering.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:27

We do loads of that @FlyingApple . She has had a lot from me, she really has. While the other has had nothing. It still isn’t enough and I’m resigned to that right now. I just hope it gets better because at the moment things feel pretty bleak, to be honest and I am trying to see a way forwards and can’t.

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FlyingApple · 27/12/2025 09:16

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:50

I was there with her for ages yesterday, but I need to get dressed etc first and even that is challenging as she won’t stop following me around wailing. Unfortunately, ds is a massive trigger for her tantrums: he only has to look at a toy for her to start screaming because she wants it and sometimes he actually does just hand it to her and pick up a different one but then she starts screaming as she wants that one. The poor kid can’t do anything.

This is what I mean when I say I just wish I hadn’t put myself through it again. I don’t care which fucking idiots actually want to go back to this time, it’s hell, utter hell. All I hear is whining, wailing, bleating, screaming. I have no relationship with my older child because I’ve been forced away and I give 100% every day and it isn’t even close to enough but apparently I’m going to miss it??

Have you tried playing with her 1 on 1? Dancing to kids songs? Reading? Maybe ask her to help you do something, like can you help me chop this? Sweep this? Put wrapping paper away? Etc etc

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:50

I was there with her for ages yesterday, but I need to get dressed etc first and even that is challenging as she won’t stop following me around wailing. Unfortunately, ds is a massive trigger for her tantrums: he only has to look at a toy for her to start screaming because she wants it and sometimes he actually does just hand it to her and pick up a different one but then she starts screaming as she wants that one. The poor kid can’t do anything.

This is what I mean when I say I just wish I hadn’t put myself through it again. I don’t care which fucking idiots actually want to go back to this time, it’s hell, utter hell. All I hear is whining, wailing, bleating, screaming. I have no relationship with my older child because I’ve been forced away and I give 100% every day and it isn’t even close to enough but apparently I’m going to miss it??

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NoisyViewer · 27/12/2025 08:47

i have teens here & I would take where I am now over the toddler stage despite the worry being more. The mental & physical strain of toddlers was the worst. The constant running around, not getting anything done & the drama minefield of tantrums & over tiredness on both sides isn’t fun. They’re at their cutest & worst at the same time.

user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:46

Oh no I'm sorry to hear that the screaming has already started. Is there anything she's obsessed with to take her mind off it? Could you go to a park so she can run around for an hour?

Sometimes I just had to get out of the house with DS.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:45

user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:43

With my DS he struggled to have agency so whilst he was so cute and intelligent he often roared in frustration. Or run. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and I was working full time. He used to climb up me! I honestly don't know how I did it.

But we had so much fun and I miss those times.

Yeah we’re not having fun. At all.

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Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:45

and yes the eating …

she has had half a crumpet, a slice of ham, a few mouthfuls of scrambled egg and half a slice of garlic bread - in a week.

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user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:43

With my DS he struggled to have agency so whilst he was so cute and intelligent he often roared in frustration. Or run. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and I was working full time. He used to climb up me! I honestly don't know how I did it.

But we had so much fun and I miss those times.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:43

She’s two and a half. Another days screaming is starting now. There’s nothing I can think of; obviously things have been a bit disrupted with Christmas but the tantrums and screaming are just awful, beyond awful. It really is driving me to a very dark place.

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Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:32

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:20

I am a bit worried. I was thinking about it last night, as she used to communicate reasonably clearly and she still does sometimes but the noises and pulling me around is new.

The eating is also a huge worry. I do know it’s best not to make a big deal out of it and I haven’t until now but she just … doesn’t eat 😩

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How old is she?
Had any illness (especially ears) lately?
Sleep regression or same as usual? When did you notice the change in her communications, is there any changes outside of just her that might contribute besides the festive period? Like moving to a new room at nursery perhaps? Older child started school?
When you say worried, is there a particular bigger worry you have or just worried something has changed in the last couple weeks?

Eating is a tricky one, everyone says they will eat when they are hungry enough but that isn't true of all children and we can't always bank on it.
Is she eating something even if it's a mouthful of the same thing everyday?

You sound like an lovely mum OP, that's perhaps a bit overwhelmed yourself and worried about what's going on.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:20

Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:15

Toddlers are tough OP. It's an overwhelming time of year, all the changes, new things, social activities, routines out of whack, lights/noises etc. as parents we are busier, possibly seeing lots of family, the weather being so warm then cold then back to warm (you might think I'm odd but the wind winds them up too).

It's overwhelming for parents at times too. It's not unheard of for toddlers to go a bit backwards with communication when they're having a tricky time but it's good you've spotted it and shows that some of your frustration is actually more worry about why.

I am a bit worried. I was thinking about it last night, as she used to communicate reasonably clearly and she still does sometimes but the noises and pulling me around is new.

The eating is also a huge worry. I do know it’s best not to make a big deal out of it and I haven’t until now but she just … doesn’t eat 😩

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andfinallyhereweare · 27/12/2025 08:18

YANBU the toddler years stops me from going again, I love the newborn days (and the first year) then 2-4 awful just awful.

Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:15

Toddlers are tough OP. It's an overwhelming time of year, all the changes, new things, social activities, routines out of whack, lights/noises etc. as parents we are busier, possibly seeing lots of family, the weather being so warm then cold then back to warm (you might think I'm odd but the wind winds them up too).

It's overwhelming for parents at times too. It's not unheard of for toddlers to go a bit backwards with communication when they're having a tricky time but it's good you've spotted it and shows that some of your frustration is actually more worry about why.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:13

I think you might mean that I’m being smug for having another child.

It’s true that I am very lucky in that sense and have never struggled to conceive or to carry a successful pregnancy.

As for going back and not having her … that’s hard, isn’t it? I know her now and I do love her dearly; however although the tone may have been humorous I was very nearly at breaking point yesterday and may yet be today. Probably looking at it coldly and logically I shouldn’t have had a second and if I could go back to a time where I haven’t ‘met’ her or ds I do suspect I’d only have had the one, to be honest. Having two children really hasn’t brought me much joy at all. I love them dearly as individuals but I am not able to meet their needs very easily which causes problems.

I am sure you will come and kick me for saying that, too.

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