Inappropriate present, hideous bookends and me in drag!!!!

I don't understand this friendship at all. You are close enough that you have a enough photos to fill a whole calendar of the two of you. Close enough that you are confident that a calendar about your friendship is a fitting gift rather than her and her partner, or her and her family or dog. Yet you are not close enough to sort out the bill for the meal that you offered but then put all the expense on her. And not close enough that you can't ask her straight out what the hell the present is about. Also not close enough for her to know the gift is a complete miss. Also not close at all because you suspect her of wanting to hurt and humiliate you. What is this friendship? None of it makes any sense.

That's horrible. These people are not your friends.

Not sure that Op particularly makes the cut as a friend either!

You have a few different things going on here.

1. you took them for a meal, encouraged extravagant spending then didn't pay for it.
2. your friends clearly made you a joke present for Xmas, you bought them a calendar.
3. you expected £300 tickets for an event when you got them a calendar.

Pay them back for the meal.
Get a sense of humour.
Stop expecting extravagant things when you're giving little to the relationship in terms of money.
Stop confusing separate issues for one big issue.

I honestly don't think it's got anything to do with the restaurant bill though - don't go down that road. Course they're not laughing at you and sending you some weird message via bookends about your bad luck that night. Take them out another time and pay with cash. Or take them to A Christmas Carol and move on from all of this. It's just a misunderstanding. I bet if you said they made you feel insecure about your looks she'd feel bad and set you straight in no time.

It's Roy Barraclough, isn't it? He used to play Cissie to Les Dawson's Ada.
Perhaps it's meant to be him?
Anyway, this whole scenario is somewhat strange, especially the meal.

It sounds like you are socially awkward, and they are equally socially awkward

Send them the money and end the friendship. I don't think this is a healthy dynamic.

I’m so confused about this. You took them for dinner, played “the role of host”, let them think you were paying, then let them pay for the lot and never even transferred for your share of it - is that what happened?! The book ends seem an incredibly strange way to take revenge but this whole situation is bonkers

This is a good idea.

Don't be ridiculous. I know that on Mumsnet men are all devils and women are all saints, but this is taking it to another level.

This can’t be real but I can’t stop reading the updates 😂

You can buy the bookends off Amazon

The gifts she gave you sound (and look from that pic) pretty bizarro, but tbf she mightn't have loved all the pix of her you put on the calendar. That was a super risky choice too - I'd only do a photo calendar for grandparents featuring grandkids, that level of unconditional love/lack of self-consciousness. It's thoughtful of course, but just because they're photos that mean a lot to you, doesn't mean they're shots she loves of herself and would want to gaze at all year round. Maybe she does, or will be polite enough to say so, but still, neither of you are playing it safe gift-wise so you're well-matched pressie-wise.

That's horrible. These people are not your friends.

@confusedgoldilocks are the bookends different to the figurine you posted?

I would love to buy these for my very close circle of friends, but we all have a very similar sense of humour.

This is obviously different to your situation which (if true, sorry) seems mean. Also yes - pay them back, at least half, for the meal.

did they think it was fancy dress and the photo was ironic, so they sent something that reminded them of that ridiculous bow?😂

Put the money in an envelope and shove it thru their letterbox..then package up the gift and leave it on their doorstep with a note saying.
I know I messed up with the money for the meal however this present is hurtful and the video you all watched on the tv of me opening it is shameful of you as friends. I feel humiliated.

I'm sorry you had to open this awful gift

Then perhaps it's just a jokey reference to that?

How long was it between the meal and receiving the gift from your friend?
Any reason no one suggested splitting the bill?

Yea I go to the trouble of making bookends and a figurine in my own quirky style just to let you know I think you are… what? Cheap? Mean? Ugly?
Or could It be that your friend loves you but has different taste and thinks these things look great (have to say I think the image looked charming not at all scary)! I think you are reading WAY too much into this. And frankly if someone said they’d take me out to dinner, didn’t in the end so I had to pay, I’m not sure I’d be giving them a present at all!

Just thinking about how I’m never going to get the precious minutes of my life back that I spent reading this ☹️

I wondered when the crazy man haters would appear 😂

Then this post is a fabrication "faux" I couldn't possibly (but the truth is you could, you wont). Edited to refer to someone's rational request for photo of supposed bookends...

And I am ignoring the restaurant thing as that is bad form but another seemingly tall tale "spin off story" 🕵

Brilliant

The obvious imbalance of this situation makes me question whether or not it’s real.

Immortalised as bookmarks!

Oops!
Bookends!