To be a little annoyed by this token gift

Ime people treat you as shabbily as you allow.
Free rides over imo.
You are seen as staff - not even that, a volunteer! .. And a mug.

Then you’re a mug.

I think next time I was there to babysit I would bring the gift and leave it there, saying its not really of any use and that you're happy to let them know what products you would use if they do want to say thanks for all the babysitting!

Its hard because wanting a gift for doing the babysitting ... makes it not free. I get it, it's the principal of it all.
What happened last Xmas?

OP - my suggestion is that you tell them that among your other Xmas presents was an amazingly thoughtful unlimited cinema subscription / series of bridge classes / ten paid sessions for jiu jitsu (delete as appropriate) and that being the case your previously free time in 2026 is now too busy for babysitting after all. With a breezy ‘Sorry!’

@ZeldaFighter ..Time difference here so slow to respond. She definetly felt slighted and minimized the hurt by saying”she didn’t want anything anyways” but she has retold me this…cases of wine and jewlery gifts for other people but not her” so I know it hit hard.

the little girls love her. They get a bit anxious if my dd mentions not babysitting anymore. The parents changed the night from wed to Tuesday and now my dd is back in school but she continues to babysit as the little girls are worried and will say “ please tell me you will
still be able to babysit” and they are only 6 and 10 expressing this concern. I think the lack of gift is crappy myself. She does a lot of drop offs and pick ups and seems to be very helpful to the family

You need to take control - you hold the cards. You are rightfully upset at the lack of appreciation and thought so in your shoes I would be serving notice that I will no longer be as available to them. It’s not your problem if they are upset / will struggle to get an alternative babysitter. Claim back your time and agency. They are taking advantage of your generosity - time to stop it.

You’re completely justified in feeling upset. They have treated you badly.

So I think you should find that you’re quite busy now! And if they whinge, you could respond “Well, you decided to have children!” and laugh (not awkwardly).

I adore my nieces and nephews but my siblings respect my time and appreciate the time I spend with their DC, not treat me like an unpaid nanny.

I think in 2026 you should be far less available. Your SiL sounds like a dick.

You feel like shit because they have treated you like shit. Don’t let yourself down by then going and doing free babysitting! Have some respect for yourself when they clearly don’t. Would be so furious actually.

They appreciate and thank the people who only babysit for money or are available only in an emergency, you're family and unpaid so they take you for granted. They know you love their DC so they think you're happy to have them whenever, since you hardly ever say No. Now you know they feel entitled to your time what happens next is up to you

It sounds like you won't say no to them because you are afraid of the negative emotions associated with their reaction: their negative emotions, and perhaps your negative emotions in reaction to their emotions. And yet, they don't show positive reactions when you DO babysit: they don't compensate you, they don't even bother to put any thought into a nice gift for you. Their negative reactions are just smoke - there's no actual punishment of you because they don't ever give you anything nice that they can STOP giving you if you stop doing what they want.

Maybe this is just me getting old but I would just tell them, "I'm canceling all babysitting beyond February 1st [or insert your date of choice here] because you obviously have zero gratitude for all I do for you. You treat me poorly whenever I say no, as if I somehow owe it to you to do huge favors for you for free. Even when I can't babysit because I have my own things going on, you complain about how you never get free time, which is completely untrue. You get free time on a regular basis as I know because I am the one who regularly gives up my weekends each [insert accurate frequency of your babysitting here], for free, so you can get breaks. Well, I'm done. I am done being used and I am done having my effort go unappreciated. If you want me to babysit beyond Jan 31st [or insert date, from now on you will have to pay me a rate of X, and starting June 1 [date, etc.] , I will not be babysitting at all. In addition, the answer to all your future babysitting demands is no."

I'm a cranky old lady. But that's partly because my experience has been that people who use you like this will never treat you better. And as I get older, the poor treatment becomes less tolerable and a worse memory. But then it will be in the past and there's nothing you can do about it. The only time you can change the outcome is before it happens.

But that's your choice.
You don't HAVE to babysit for free, you CHOOSE to babysit for free.
Honour any commitments you've made in the (very) near future, but then set some boundaries.

I know what you mean @slightlyjadedbythis, and it isn't about the cash value.
I let someone live with me for several months when she left her husband. I didn't ask for any money so I was quite out of pocket.
When she left she gave me a postcard and a bookmark.
I sort of expected hoped she'd take me for dinner or something, to acknowledge all I'd done.

@slightlyjadedbythis echoing all the posts saying be less available. I hate ungrateful people and even worse when it’s family members!

Say you can’t do those dates anymore, new years hobbies etc, or say you’ve got a part time job with COL going up so much. If they offer to pay you, then take the money - you’ve said they can afford it! Cheeky buggers!

Cancel. They are not paying you so there is no contract. If you feel generous, give them a months notice. They have really played you by getting you to commit for a lot of time before they showed that they don't appreciate or respect you.

Their unhappiness is not your concern. People treat you as badly as you let them. Pull back, get busy on some of the dates they want and if they moan they’ve got no
help you can remind them that paid sitters are available.

They’re taking you for a mug, will they babysit for you when you have children?

They are completely taking you for granted and need to snap out of it, some parents have a habit of thinking they are doing you a favour as you love spending time with their kids (especially to childless people) whether you enjoy the time and cherish the children, it's still a favour and use of your time and should be valued in some way or another, heartfelt thanks or gestures. Good reliable babysitting is like gold dust and makes a huge difference to parents lives, if we had access to that, I'd be treating the person like royalty and spoiling them rotten in recognition of what a difference it made to our lives whether they were delighted to do it or otherwise - that doesn't matter. I would 100% be giving them notice that you are unable to make some of the more far off things you have committed to next year and scale down what else you commit to, their response to you being unavailable seems massively entitled, this needs knocked on the head and it's up to you to start changing the cultured around how your time is valued, it's not just about the gift. Which was offensive in its lack of thought btw.

They are taking the piss out of you. A thoughtless last minute cheapo gift is actually an insult. This would make me stop baby sitting immediately. So they’d be unhappy about it. Boo hoo. Unless you take a stand and make yourself unavailable they’ll continue to take you for granted and treat you like a doormat.

You have zero self respect and neither do they, for you.
You would be far better investing in developing self-esteem than providing 200 hours of free childcare for people who couldn't care less for you.

We teach people how to treat us.
They are cheeky fxxker users.

You are sadly ripe for an abusive relationship if you let so called family use you like that.
Deeply unhealthy.

You have saved them thousands in childcare and they think a $3 last minute nothing is all you deserve?

Carry on as you are if that is all you feel you deserve for all of that time....that is the equivalent of 5 weeks of 40 hours childcare.
Unbelievable.

well uncomit yourself then
they see you as a mug its not fair on you

You are being unreasonable to consider this 'a bit cheeky'.

In these circumstances it's an absolute mickey take and a humiliation.

If youre too afraid to stand up for yourself, direct them to this thread and let them find out for themselves!

No more beyond the current commitments if you are unhappy.

You’re being taken advantage of. You can cancel but you know they’ll throw their toys out the pram like a toddler if you say no. So you don’t.

They hold the power, because they know you won’t say no. Take it back.

I voted yabu because if you have no expectation then you get no disappointment.
You may not have consciously expected it but it wouldn't bother you at all if you hadn't

Cancel. Seriously, how fucking rude are these people?