To be a little annoyed by this token gift

The fact you’ve totted up the hours shows you are feeling hard done by and perhaps only just realised how much you’ve done for them? Would you feel differently if they had been much more generous, or do you think it’s their general attitude that’s finally giving you pause for thought?

everyone is saying cut down and be much less available and I agree with that. And don’t make up reasons just say you can’t / aren’t available and if you like offer (very spaced out) alternative date.

What will happens if the OP is ever not able to do so much babysitting? Will there be a big family fall out? Is she meant to continue to do this for years and years?

Well, the ball's in your court op.

No-one is forcing you to babysit.

They clearly do not appreciate you.

So, you babysit for free, then when you are unavailable they make a big fuss and make you feel bad.
Then after doing all this babysitting they dont show any appreciation.

You are behaving like a doormat. I know you aren't one but they sure are treating you like one.

Either start charging for your time or stop.

I get what you’re saying.

I feel like I’m always in a similar situation - where I go out of my way to be helpful and while I genuinely do it because I care about people or it’s the right thing to do, I don’t get a lot of appreciation.

I’d be fine with a thank you or token gift EXCEPT when I see the same people give me a “thanks mate” and then give a gift/pay others who are doing the exact same thing I am.

One time it was helping some classmates move and I got nothing but another person got a voucher and bottle of wine. Another time, in a small work team present exchange - two people got me used CDs. They said they thought I wouldn’t mind getting used presents.

It’s been happening all of my life with different groups of people so it must be some vibe I give off or something to do with me personally.

I’m now menopausal and I have very recently started pulling back a lot in all areas of my life and not being so helpful and generous because I’m angry.

She did better than you in that she at least knows what gas-lighting is.You, however, have trivialized true gas-lighting (which is prolonged mental cruelty and torture, done so subtly that the victim has no idea what it being done to them) by saying this is gas-lighting. This is not even close. You’re wrong. Accept it. Move on.

Thats their problem and not yours. This was a big red flag that you are being taken for mug and they are assuming you will be at their beck and call. You have become "a babysitter" in their eyes, not an an independent human being.

You need to put a stop to this otherwise you will be posting the same thread this time next year.

Just stop now. No more baby sitting. That gift was an insult.

Who forced you at gun point to babysit for free? No one. Do you babysit because you enjoy spending time with the children or for the gifts you get at Christmas?

Are you 12?

Seriously, I gave a perfectly polite reply to the OP (screenshot attached although under review) and you accused me of 'gaslighting' her.

I pointed out that is was not gaslighting and here you are, still fannying on at me 2 days later instead of just accepting you were wrong.

Jeez, let it go 😳

This is your sibling if they're your nephews and nieces.

They're acting like you're their employee, or more likely servant.

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way.

Whoever is my sibling i would be speaking to them and saying 'I won't be babysitting this year, I don't think you appreciate it and I'm frankly fed up with being taken for granted'.

Email them if it's easier, or on the phone, then you can ignore when they go for the inevitable 'of course we value you, the children just lurve you' sort of rubbish that they will try when the truth is 'you're free and convenient and we can treat you like crap but because you're family you can't complain'

I mean even if you forget the babysitting - if you have bought a nice gift for your sibling, their partner and for your nieces/nephews……. And they gave you a shitty £3 gift bought on Xmas Eve, then it’s still insulting. Especially if it’s usually the norm in your family to buy nice/thoughtful gifts for each other.

I would tell them that your New Year’s resolution for 2026 is to rest more / take up a new hobby/ whatever excuse you can use. That you will honour any babysitting commitments you have agreed to up until the end of Jan…… but after that they need to find themselves a new babysitter.

It’s not worth a big family rift over, but make your excuses and stop any favours. They have shown you clearly how little value they put on you.

You don’t have to babysit for them for free - say you aren’t doing it anymore. It’s not compulsory.

If you’re that bothered (which you clearly are) then don’t do it anymore. Simple.

Nothing is ever set in stone! Situations change. Don't ever put yourself in a situation you're not happy with.

That's the best you can do?

Well un-commit yourself. They're using you and you're allowing it.

I bet one of the things making you reluctant to uncommit to babysitting for 2026 is they will likely say, "But you're letting us down" and "but we booked nonrefundable flights" and "But the kids are so much looking forward to spending time with you, how can you let them down like this" and so on. None of these things obligate you to babysit for them. I would argue that likely they booked you for multiple dates in advance BECAUSE it would enable them to continue treating you badly as they consider you unable to back out.

Here's the thing. You aren't getting anything out of this so THERE IS NO CONTRACT. There's no "You agreed to give me your left arm and I'm going to hold you to it!" There isn't even, "You agreed to give me your kidney and you can't back out now." You are never obligated to give up your own resources for someone else without compensation. In other words, you are indeed allowed to back out. To be polite, you can give them lots of notice. A month, two months, whatever you like. But try to stop letting them continue to fool you into the illusion that you owe them babysitting.

If you can afford it, I would suggest therapy to give you some tools to start defending your boundaries. They are family, which means they know how to push your buttons and get you to agree to things that aren't good for you because you are emotionally driven to avoid their negative responses. Hence your comment that saying "no" - ONCE - went over "like a fart at a funeral." They made you feel bad for saying no, when they had no standing to do so. Somehow they managed to twist the rules of social engagement, not just to hide how much they were being rude for asking you to babysit for FIVE vacations, but to make you feel bad for going on ONE vacation. That is expert-level manipulation. I think you'll need help to start withstanding it.

Good luck! You deserve better and I hope 2026 is the year you start being treated better or at least not standing for being treated poorly.

Stop babysitting for the ungrateful bastards.

Try and steal a bottle of expensive likka next time you are there 😁

I'd cut back on the babysitting if it isnt appreciated. This did actually happen to us. My DH did alot of chilcare meeting DGS from nursery at lunchtime the having him for afternoon til parets picked up at least twice sometimes 3 times per week . So I though O I bet he gets a lovely xmas pressie as well as the usual family secret santa . Well I though wrong didn't I . He just got tge secret santa and nothing else . No thank you gift from DGS . It seems to be a pattern with these types . I'd definitely carry on just for the ones who appreciate you.

“Gift” aside OP they’re treating you like a doormat and you’re allowing it. I’m the most people-pleasingy person on the planet and hate anyone thinking badly of me (thanks ADHD / RSD) and I’m working on it but they’re taking the piss and have no respect for you. I couldn’t stand for this. You really need to find a way of firmly stating you will not be committing to future hours of unpaid childminding.

You say they are well off as well? They’re probably laughing behind your back. Do it for your own self respect, please.

Time to start charging for your services……….or being less available! She’s taking the piss.

Or you are available but at the rate you set. Don't make it a token gesture but let's say £10 per hour and £15 after eg 11pm. I suspect you will find you have more free time but possibly more money! Do not negotiate the fee you have set. Only the hours and it's paid into your bank before the date arranged. Easy enough to transfer it back or hold it as credit.

I totally get this, its not necessarily the amount they spent its the total lack of consideration and thought they put into it.