To expect children to say thank you?

I was always taught to say thank you, even if it wasnt something I was pleased with. As a child I was made to write thank you letters to distant relatives who sent gifts via my parents. Parents who fail to teach their children the basic politeness of saying, please, thank you and excuse me are doing them an ill service.

I can recall an incident where a friend of mine had advertised a job for an office junior (when there were still such roles). He chose one applicant over another because the rejected one had been rude to his secretary,

I'd be telling their mother exactly what I thought of their lack of manners as well.

I think I'd be tempted to knock back a bottle in order to deal with a meal involving a random auntie who doesn't see disability beyond using a wheelchair.

That’s really rude of them, I have 2 teens and they would have definitely said thank you. Surprised the mum didn’t say anything at them not saying thank you as well!

Really rude of the children who should know better and your friend not to remind them.
I would expect my dc to have manners and would remind them if needed
Saying that my neice never says thank you even when opening thoughtful gifts in front of you. She doesn't get anything from me know
My bil yesterday didn't say a word to my family yesterday not thank you or merry Christmas

Well you now know that next year you’ll be saving a lot of money not buying these rude people anything!

DH said oh that's normal that's just how children are nowadays.

It’s not normal nowadays. My children have received lots of money this Xmas and we have gifted lots of family and friends children money this Xmas, all have said thank you.

Your friend and her kids are rude and your husband must be mixing with lots of rude people who haven’t brought their children up with good manners if he thinks that is how children are nowadays. Maybe you should both look at who you’re mixing with.

My kids are 9 and 13 and if they don’t say thank you they don’t have the gift anymore. That is literal bare minimum parenting.

Absolutely not normal behaviour.
But blame the parent that allowed that behaviour to stand.
I wouldn't dream of giving another gift to either child again.

My DC is 3 and I prompt him to say please when he's asking for something and thank you when he's given something / at the end of the groups and classes we go to / at childcare / when family have come to visit etc. He's learning good manners are nice as people respond positively to please and thank you.

I would be surprised that at 11 and 16 they didn't say thank you immediately to £30 in a card. I would also be surprised that the parent didn't step in and check if they had said thank you.

Good manners, saying please and thank you, all seem to be a complete after thought to a lot of people. For me it's alongside dropping litter, deliberately spitting in the street, damaging property. A complete lack of consideration and care for other people.

A lot of DC are not taught or expected to say thank you now. I'm late 40s so hardly old, with DC ranging from 20s to pre teens, and it's definitely changed since I had my oldest. Even among my actual friends, there's not a consistent expectation from parents that their DC will have basic manners. I know several people (otherwise sane and pleasant!) who think it's "shaming" to pull DC up on not saying please/thank you and therefore don't insist on it.

I'm quietly appalled and always expect my DC to say please and thank you. One of my DC has learning differences but I expect the same of him too. We often rehearse with him how to react to gifts while on the way to visit relatives for Christmas/birthdays - he knows that even if he isn't keen on something he still needs to say thank you and ideally find something nice to say about the gift. I'm definitely more strict about it than most parents I know.

It's nothing to do with being child free OP. If an adult would say thank you for a present that you've given, why wouldn't a child? It's poor training on the parents part. I've given him DB's three near-adult children £50 apiece Christmas money for the last few years whilst DB has given my one child less than this (not that the value should matter, but it does add to the effect). The difference is that my one child always says thank you whilst his three children never do.

Very rude and bad mannered. Don't give them money again.

Not normal in my house. Two young DC and I’m a stickler for manners

Extremely rude, they aren’t babies. My 2.5 year old has managed to say thankyou unprompted for around half of his gifts this year and with a little prompt has thanked for everything. There is no excuse for an 11 and 16 year old.

No , they aren’t examples of ableism. They are a stated fact. Virtually EVERY poster on this topic has agreed it’s “not normal” and “very rude” to not say thank you. Nephews wife is categorically not autistic, just bloody rude, like her very strange, very rude parents. Perhaps you think it’s ok for people not to say thank you, on the basis they might be autistic!. No, she’s just bloody rude. Like the time she got up midway through Sunday lunch and said she was going for a nap, because she’d had too much to drink ( something she does regularly) and walked off. Upon meeting her parents, I was shocked by their own appalling lack of grace, and manners. They are in their 70s- they should have learned to express gratitude, but they simply don’t, so obviously their daughter thinks this is ok.dont presume to tell me about ableism. I’m a wheelchair user, and I’ve seen plenty of “offensive” examples. It is “not normal” to grow up never saying thank you, and getting drunk at every family lunch. Sorry, but I’m “not normal” - I’m in a wheelchair, unable to walk and incontinent. I think I’m allowed to define myself as not normal. Because most of the population can walk and aren’t incontinent !!!

Definitely rude.

My siblings’ children and grandchildren always say thank you, whereas I’ve noticed a lot of friends’ offspring and their friends treat adults as their staff. Actually, I would be politer to staff.

My family is working-class and most of my friends are middle-class. Just my observation.

Same. I have a SIL who made a big deal about how we had to post gifts to her 3 kids (they live in another country). So that's 3 birthdays, and 3 Christmases. The 1st year I did so, I received a thank you for one of the gifts. The second year I received none. I sent no more gifts...

It's rude.

We have stopped a lot of giftgiving these years. Not worth it.

Is this where we play 'spot the Autistic woman being picked on by her husband's oblivious Auntie'?.

Dysfunctional, strange, isn't normal and not brought up well are all pretty offensive examples of ableism.

That’s appalling. I wouldn’t give them anything next year.

That’s pretty shocking.

You’re very generous. £30 is a lot of money to an 11 and 16 year old.

If they don't thank me I don't give them anything else.

We stopped giving presents when thanks weren't forthcoming. All the different ways of getting in touch to say 'thank you' and they couldn't be arsed. If they can't be bothered neither can we.