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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
Airspice · 28/12/2025 09:58

Fuck that shit, what an absolute tool! Sounds just like my exH who would throw a tantrum and storm off to his Mum’s every time he didn’t get his own way. Me and my kids (not his) were constantly on eggshells.I saw the light 5 years ago and got rid, best decision ever!

GreatFish · 28/12/2025 08:39

Narcissist.

Nearly50omg · 28/12/2025 01:20

Please contact your local women’s aid/domestic violence unit and ask to go on the list for the RISE/domestic abuse course so you learn about what things you need to look out for and also what to put in place so you don’t go through this again and not just with a potential partner - with friends etc too

sumayyah · 28/12/2025 00:56

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:44

I waited over a year before introducing him to my kids. That felt like a sensible, cautious amount of time.

He wasn’t showing any of these behaviours back then, they’ve developed much more recently.

Obviously hindsight is great, I felt like I waited a sufficient amount of time to introduce him to the kids. As previously mentioned his behaviour started to change only recently.

I know of couples who have met, got married and had a child in the amount of time we were together.

I feel like i was cautious but some people are capable of keeping up a pretence of who they truly are and you never know that it's happening till that mask starts to slip...

Most abusers dont start with coming out swinging
My ex husband started with subtle digs, the kind that slowly erase your confidence, make you believe your at fault, that if you did things differently or were better that things will go back to how it was.
It never does, he moved on to much worse when he was sure I wouldn't leave

Please keep protecting yourself and the kids from him. Hes clearly escalated his behaviours, possibly because he thinks hes got you on the hook now

sumayyah · 28/12/2025 00:41

Sounds like Christmas with my dad growing up, always waiting to see how he would ruin the day

Please stop inflicting this man on your children
He isn't related to them, hes not married to their mum so why should they have to put up with his childish ass

barbielews56 · 28/12/2025 00:14

Get rid of the selfish manchild

JustSawJohnny · 27/12/2025 23:11

No offence but what's happened in the past that you will put up with such absolute fuckery?

Do yourself and the kids a favour and get him gone.

JoyfulSpring · 27/12/2025 23:07

OMG people, read the updates! He's gone and blocked. She's said it at least 5 times!

Granddama · 27/12/2025 22:57

Cut your losses. He wants out of the relationship but isn't man enough to make the break. Good luck.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2025 22:20

He’s telling you who he is. Believe him. And be thankful you have no ties to him. Things would have been so much more complicated had you shared a house or children with him. Block him and don’t look back.

Horses7 · 27/12/2025 22:11

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:55

He's blocked, the locks are changed, ring doorbell/camera are set up and I will never speak or make contact with him again x

Well done OP - enjoy your new life!

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:55

Horses7 · 27/12/2025 21:52

You know what you must do - if not for yourself then dump him so your children don’t have to be around such a horrible man child.

He's blocked, the locks are changed, ring doorbell/camera are set up and I will never speak or make contact with him again x

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 27/12/2025 21:53

You've done the right thing and kudos to you for changing the locks.

The relationship had run its course, you gave it a good go.

Next year will be better. x

Horses7 · 27/12/2025 21:52

You know what you must do - if not for yourself then dump him so your children don’t have to be around such a horrible man child.

MaddestGranny · 27/12/2025 21:49

Congratulations, OP. You have acted decisively and bravely. You know you’ve done the right thing. Now you can look forward to a happy new year and a fresh start. Good luck to you. Well done.

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:44

Moonboots123 · 27/12/2025 21:28

Oh give it a rest, it’s hardly two weeks or two months is it

I waited over a year before introducing him to my kids. That felt like a sensible, cautious amount of time.

He wasn’t showing any of these behaviours back then, they’ve developed much more recently.

Obviously hindsight is great, I felt like I waited a sufficient amount of time to introduce him to the kids. As previously mentioned his behaviour started to change only recently.

I know of couples who have met, got married and had a child in the amount of time we were together.

I feel like i was cautious but some people are capable of keeping up a pretence of who they truly are and you never know that it's happening till that mask starts to slip...

OP posts:
Moonboots123 · 27/12/2025 21:28

Ministerofmumbles · 26/12/2025 12:57

Seriously OP, how have you allowed this man that you’ve only been in a relationship with for 2 years around your kids?

Oh give it a rest, it’s hardly two weeks or two months is it

Blizzardofleaves · 27/12/2025 21:17

What a knob

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:16

Blablibladirladada · 27/12/2025 21:15

🎶🎶🎶 music to my hears.

Take care. 👌👏🏼

Thank you. You take care too 🤗

OP posts:
Blablibladirladada · 27/12/2025 21:15

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:04

I'm not even going to waste my efforts on messaging him. What he did was inexcusable so he is blocked and I never want to hear from him again x

🎶🎶🎶 music to my hears.

Take care. 👌👏🏼

LubyLooTwo · 27/12/2025 21:07

You've answered yoh own question when you said you and the kids were having a great Christmas without him. Ditch this egotistical shithead now and don't even bother to contact him agsin. If he has jets get them back of him and tell him it's over.

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:07

HappyNannie · 27/12/2025 20:59

Get rid now, not only is he’s spoiling your day he’s spoiling your children’s Christmas memories.

He is in the bin, blocked and I will be making no further contact with him.

OP posts:
Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:04

Blablibladirladada · 27/12/2025 20:55

I am very sorry to have, it seems, annoy you so much that you would storm out like that. I feel that I don’t understand you the way you deserve and so wish you best of luck to find someone more suitable.

then block that horrible piece of work and yes. Be done with it.

He is showing you who he is. Listen.

I'm not even going to waste my efforts on messaging him. What he did was inexcusable so he is blocked and I never want to hear from him again x

OP posts:
HappyNannie · 27/12/2025 20:59

Get rid now, not only is he’s spoiling your day he’s spoiling your children’s Christmas memories.

Jinglejells · 27/12/2025 20:59

Well done on blocking him and getting rid. How old are your kids? Maybe hold off on any relationship till they leave home. Not fair on them to go through this for someone who is no one to them.
what a loser.