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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
ByPinkOP · 28/12/2025 12:13

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2025 13:01

Oh come on. I know some on MN think you shouldn't introduce them until you're on your 25th anniversary and the kids are 40. Two years is reasonable.

The time period isn’t the point. Taking the drama and unreasonable behaviour around the kids is.

Jade3450 · 28/12/2025 12:09

PollyPlumPeach · 26/12/2025 12:56

Always blows my mind the way some women have such low standards that they settle for someone like this. If you'd been married and his behaviour had changed over time that would be one thing, but you don't even live together, and you knew enough about his awful behaviour to give him a warning before inviting him for Christmas, yet you still thought things would work out somehow

Why are you blaming her for his behaviour? She’s not happy with him so she’s kicked him out before she made any commitment to him or moved him in etc. So she’s done the right thing.

These aren’t ’low standards’ - it’s the opposite.

upsofloating · 28/12/2025 12:07

Sam9769 · 28/12/2025 12:03

Yes, dump!

She has.

Sam9769 · 28/12/2025 12:03

dannyufcfan · 26/12/2025 12:48

Sounds a keeper.

Yes, dump!

BufferingAgain · 28/12/2025 12:00

Well done for blocking him. Enjoy your peace. Hope you don’t hear from him again

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 28/12/2025 11:52

congratulations and a very happy new you in 2026!

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 11:52

ThxForTheFish · 28/12/2025 11:49

Just wanted to congratulate you on your resolve and strength. You and your kids deserve better and you have put you and them first. Not all women are strong enough to do this- well done you and wishing you a safe & happy new year, xx

I agree with this, you've done really well OP. So glad you've got rid of him without wasting even more of your precious time on this oxygen thief

ThxForTheFish · 28/12/2025 11:49

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 21:55

He's blocked, the locks are changed, ring doorbell/camera are set up and I will never speak or make contact with him again x

Just wanted to congratulate you on your resolve and strength. You and your kids deserve better and you have put you and them first. Not all women are strong enough to do this- well done you and wishing you a safe & happy new year, xx

nicepotoftea · 28/12/2025 11:48

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama.

In the future, I think you should recognise this as a red flag. It's not the kind of promise you should need to extract from a partner.

Enjoy the rest of Christmas without him!

JMSA · 28/12/2025 11:45

Have just read your update, OP. You have absolutely done the right thing and deserve to be proud of yourself. The key, however, is to learn from this for future relationships.
Wishing you all the best.

GingerDoris · 28/12/2025 11:40

Block him on absolutely everything and never talk to the shithouse again. He sounds utterly ghastly!

BreatheInMoveOn · 28/12/2025 11:38

Onwards and upwards OP. Cheering you on

Sooose · 28/12/2025 11:37

I can't see one single reason in your post why you might want to stay with this person. He may have some redeeming features that you don't mention. But he throws a wobbly and you're the naughty one?! Big red flag right there. He seems utterly self absorbed. And lazy. It's also not a good role model to have around your children of how to behave in a family. Next time, try and find someone who cares about those around them and shows it through deeds.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/12/2025 11:35

Sounds as if you’re very well rid of him, OP!

Horrible, selfish git!

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 28/12/2025 11:32

New year, new start, without this nasty bastard. Hurrah for new beginnings.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 28/12/2025 11:29

There are so many toxic men out there, they clearly don’t want the ties and relationship part. They should just get themselves a blow up doll and a housekeeper / cook. Bless them.

StarTrek1 · 28/12/2025 11:23

The best gift he gave you was leaving your house!

Jiski · 28/12/2025 11:19

I’m so glad you got rid of this loser. Hope you have a wonderful new year!

Payitforward55 · 28/12/2025 11:11

Well done!! This cannot be easy for you but you have had a very lucky escape. You are doing the right thing ♥️

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 28/12/2025 11:02

Sounds like you spent 2 years with my exh! Total sulky man child.
I ended our marriage via text.. Best message I ever sent!

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 10:53

Just wanted to say obviously he wasnt a massive thundercunt from the outset. In the beginning he was amazing, he was communicative, supportive, empathetic, funny, thoughtful, romantic, generous...

Yeah, they always are babe x

Enjoy your new, single life! xx

ichifanny · 28/12/2025 10:46

Keep this angry manchild away from your children

Allypallypea · 28/12/2025 10:39

What a pr#@k - get shot

Familyvalues80 · 28/12/2025 10:19

He sounds like a narcissist! Walk away OP and move on in 2026, be glad you found out in time!

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 28/12/2025 10:07

Well you don't live together and they aren't his children so this sounds like a really, really easy decision.

Although by everything you've said it sounds to me as if he's willing you to dump him by behaving as awfully as possible. I suspect he's already checked of the relationship and probably has another one waiting in the wings. He's just not got the balls to tell you so he's hoping if he behaves horribly all Christmas you will throw your toys out of the pram and then he can extract himself easily with the excuse that 'it's what you wanted.'