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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
coconutchocolatecream · 26/12/2025 14:11

He's not necessary for your happiness, and in fact, he's contributing to your unhappiness. Since you don't have children together or share a home, you don't have to deal with him, so don't. He can stay out.

RoamingToaster · 26/12/2025 14:08

He’s never going to improve. Please stick to your decision. Happy Boxing Day and a happy new year!

Sasha07 · 26/12/2025 14:07

Seems like you got the present you really needed, him leaving. What an absolute arse. Me and DH were washing up in between cooking, not a word was said about the workload or anything. Your guy wasn't thinking of making Christmas Day special alongside you, he was expecting you to make it special for him. And for him to have the audacity to leave like that, that performance on it's own would have made me certain he'd never be around my kids, or me, again.

Please, please don't let him have a hold over you. He left but you can chose to lock and bolt the door after him. You're worth so much more than a man baby, make sure he never has a chance to make you feel like shit again.

somanychristmaslights · 26/12/2025 14:04

Why on earth are you putting your kids through that???? You only let him come over if he promised not to cause a drama? WTF?!? So this clearly isn’t a new behaviour, but you’re exposing your kids to this. For goodness sake dump and block this man and focus on your children!!!

MaggieBsBoat · 26/12/2025 14:04

Are you sure OP. He sounds like a right prince!

Paramaribo2025 · 26/12/2025 14:04

What a twat,

Just delete and block him.
Your kids deserve better than this shithousery.

PersephonePomegranate · 26/12/2025 14:04

He's a knobhead. The fact you had to ask him not to create 'drama' verifies that. Those sorts want drama and chaos all day long. He's horrible and you're well rid.

CountryMusicFan · 26/12/2025 13:59

You said you’re being ignored, does that mean you have contacted him? Why? You don’t live with him, haven't been with him long and he sounds like a complete loser. Just block. Don’t let a man like him near your kids again. Poor kids.

Bananalanacake · 26/12/2025 13:57

And did he bring anything positive to your life? thank god you don't live together, so much easier to ignore.

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 13:57

Fuck sake. Don't subject yourself or your kids to any more of this. Enjoy your day with your children and fuck him.

Lovelanza · 26/12/2025 13:53

Life’s too short for this shit. Block him on everything and enjoy the New Year !

ThisElatedShark · 26/12/2025 13:52

You deserve much better. Throw this one back 🐟

Dollymylove · 26/12/2025 13:51

YABU for having this excuse of a man around you and your kids. What a loser.
Bin him off

Bellyblueboy · 26/12/2025 13:50

Your children are watching this. Why would you let someone treat you like this?

Cando6 · 26/12/2025 13:49

Why did you put voting on? Did you think there was a chance somebody would think this was OK?!

Happy No-abusive-twat 2026 and thank you for illustrating one of my firm beliefs: That nobody should make big decisions about a relationship until two years in.

Interpink · 26/12/2025 13:49

He’s just not that into you.

And also a cunt.

ArtfulScreamer · 26/12/2025 13:48

Is he doing that thing were he's a complete cock so that you bin him and then he gets to act all woe is me and be the victim because you've dumped him. Either way he's a cock so block and move on no child whatever age they are need this example of a prince among men!

cocobanana922 · 26/12/2025 13:48

Your poor children. Get rid of this piece of crap, if only for your children if you believe you don't deserve better than him.

Applesonthelawn · 26/12/2025 13:47

Just remember that you and your kids deserve so much better than that. Why would you waste time lowering your standards to have such a loser in your life? It is a blessing that he's gone, make sure he stays gone, and make sure you are on your own until someone who deserves you all shows up. Don't waste a single moment thinking about him. Onward and upward.

SabrinaCarpetCleaner · 26/12/2025 13:46

I don't normally comment on these types of threads, but I just had to chip in on this occasion. Because he sounds vile. You're conferring to yourself a lifetime of misery if you stick with him. I've been married for 20 years, and my husband never sat down at all yesterday. He also bought and very thoughtfully (he bought packaging he knew would make me laugh) wrapped my gifts. Tell the waster to gtf.

Toomanysofttoys · 26/12/2025 13:44

Your 24 month contract is up.. yippee. Don't renew but look for an upgrade.

Message him a we are done text then treat yourself.

Alittlefrustrated · 26/12/2025 13:44

Your children deserve much better than being forced to have this emotionally and verbally abusive man in their home.

MO0N · 26/12/2025 13:43

OP, sounds like this man wants to be admired and to be the center of attention, has to be the important one in the relationship etc.
In his mind he has put in two years of effort trying to train you to be what he wants you to be. He may well try to reel you back in by buttering you up. He might pull out all the stops and be as nice as pie in an effort to get his feet under the table so that you can't get rid of him.
Don't fall for it @Cheeseyminky

Zov · 26/12/2025 13:42

Oh FGS @Cheeseyminky ditch his ass. He sounds awful!

Allmychickenscometoroost · 26/12/2025 13:41

KarmenPQZ · 26/12/2025 12:50

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama
sounds like he has past form if you had this conversation so it doesn’t sound like his behaviour has changed, just that you’re wise to him and ready to end it. Well done sounds like a good plan!

💯 this. He sounds like an attention seeking twat and a drain on your energy. You'd be unreasonable to expose your children to him ever again. You have a choice in bringing him into their lives whereas they do not. They have to put up with it. Make better choices.