“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

Stay strong @Devoed

You’re going to get there, and your kids will be so grateful for you looking out for them when they’re old enough to understand everything.

@CunningLinguist2
thank you 💐 I promise to update everything properly when it’s all over but I’m reluctant to say too much at the moment.

I will say is that I’m really panicking about what KH is going to say, how everything will be twisted and that he’s going to try using his covert recordings as evidence.

@Nevermind17
would you mind sharing why on a pm please?

Mine went from 50:50 initially to EOW at the final hearing.

Does contact always increase at a final hearing, in general (unless there are serious safeguarding concerns)?

In view of your response to my post about the books, Google came up with these:

For a "nasty" divorce specifically, "Dinosaurs Divorce" and "Was It the Chocolate Pudding?" are often highlighted for their directness in addressing complex emotional situations.

Thank you, we’ve been reading Mum & Dad Glue and Everything Changes too….unfortunately, they depict everyone still getting on and being at parties together 🙈

@TheFormidableMrsC
Naff all, KH has even less resources than I realised. I’ve put a formal complaint in with the police.

@Devoed what is happening about him still squatting in your house?

I don't know whether you've already looked at this OP, but I just Googled how to help young children when going through divorce, and these books were recommended:

To help young children (ages 3–7) process the emotions of divorce, experts recommend using age-appropriate books and therapeutic play tools. These resources provide a "third-party" perspective, making it safer for children to project and express feelings they may not yet have the words for.

• Two Homes by Claire Masurel: A classic for ages 2–6 that focuses on what is gained rather than lost, highlighting that a child is loved in both households.
• Two Places to Call Home by Phil Earle: An uplifting picture book for ages 3–7 that uses imagination to help tackle anxiety about living in different houses.
• Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families by Laurene Krasny Brown: A comprehensive resource for ages 4–8 that uses dinosaur characters to explain custody, new partners, and complex emotions.
• It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky: Widely recommended for ages 3–6, this book directly addresses common fears and reinforces that the child is not to blame.
• Was It the Chocolate Pudding? by Sandra Levins: Uses a relatable scenario to explain divorce in simple terms for younger children

Supporting you from a distance.

Thank you…it’s just same old bonkers nasty behaviour here.

When it’s all done, I’ll send a full timeline of events!

I am so worried about CAFCASS…whenever I ask DC how they’re feeling, etc. I just get not sure”. Worried about them.

@Devoed Also been thinking about you.
Hope all is well, and sending hugs 🤗

If KH is talking to the DCs about the court process, CAFCASS will want to speak to them to find out what he’s saying. If they do parrot things he’s said, that will work in your favour and prove that he’s involving the DCs in inappropriate discussions. They will also set the record straight with DCs in a child-friendly way. I understand that it’s extra stress that you really don’t need, but he really is hanging himself with his own rope.

Stay strong @Devoed, you are doing brilliantly! 💐

Yes, I’ve told them.

CAFCASS want to talk to DC about the court process which seems wholly inappropriate IMO. I’ve asked for a call back.

You may have said this before - apologies if I missed it - but have you had the chance to tell CAFCASS that you are concerned about what he tells the children?

CAFCASS want to meet DC again and now I’m spiralling.

I know KH has been saying to them about things being “fair” and divided equally, I’m worried DC parrots that.

Another bout of sleepless nights ahead.

@Devoed,
i wanted to also say I was thinking of you and admire your strength in horrendous circumstances.

I was in an horrendous situation 23 years ago. Lost everything fortunately no children involved. I was in a women’s refuge while he remained in the lovely house all supported by my adoptive parents. At the time it seems things shall remain dark and there is little light. The slowly but surely the glimmer of light appeared and then colours joined those lights to make a rainbow. There has still been dark times however I survived and in time I grew to be a warrior woman.

I walked away from them all, continued my education and a new world opened up to me. I hope the same for you, whatever direction to take with your life. You are raising sons who will know how to treat their partners and will be in a position to be proud of your sons. He will end up sad and alone. Honestly the best form of revenge is best achieved by living well and how you want to live.

So he was projecting on to you that you were seeking legal advice, when in fact it was him.

I am not surprised!

Keep looking ahead, when you are finally free of him the relief will be amazing.

💐

Turns out he was seeking legal advice before I’d said I wanted out…like, months before. Which is what he accused me of doing.

Or he has a secret family.

Both are plausible when it come to KH

So, it feels pretty obvious that he was always going to push it down the court route.

Keep your side of the street calm and clean. Cafcass will see it, submit evidence of this behaviour to court to show his patterns.
I know this is a really hard time, going through Family Court is not easy in the slightest. You've got a lot of people routing for you!

Somewhere along the line, surely it has got look bad to the court on his part, that he won't communicate RE your DC?

Your patience in going through every step in the necessary processes to get the best outcome for your DC is amazing @Devoed .