“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

It’s not physical harm, it’s nothing illegal…it’s just constant conflict and accusations. Control.

Oh this is very sad and concerning @Devoed. I hope you are ok. He clearly isn’t averse to making stuff up about you to falsify the narrative and sounds pretty unhinged. Do you have anyone in real life who is supporting you closely?

I don't know how this works and have no direct experience. But if you have reason to be scared and are then you must log this, preferably with police if you feel that he is likely to do something that is illegal.

I'm so sorry this is so tough.

This sounds scary.
Do you think he is going to harm you?
Do you think he is going to harm the children?
are you speaking to someone (school, police, women’s aid) about these concerns?

Thank you all, again. I wish I could explain what is going on but it would be very outing.

I don’t think I’ve said it before, but I am scared of him and what he’s going to do next.

I feel very vulnerable, as are DC.

@Devoed I really haven't posted before because there are many wise women giving you excellent advice. However, I just wanted to say you are amazing and you and DC WILL get through it.
As the song says "there may be trouble ahead..."; but you are amazing and I very much hope that you and your DC thrive. They will, at some point, see KH for his worth.
I have a family member who had a "similar-ish" situation. Within a year or two the children made their own decisions about the person "who hurts mum". Life settled down.
Wishing you well.

Thinking about you. As pp said, this is just your ‘now’. Things WILL get better.
Keep advocating for and having fun with your DC. They’ll pick up on your energy, so make it positive! 💐 🩵

My heart hurts tonight.

KH is getting worse, not better, and he’s trying to control me through DC.

DC are not coping well, I’m dreading the school holidays for them. The prospect of them going abroad without me is weird too.

My poor loves.

@Devoed this is not your forever. It’s just your ‘right now’. You’ve still got so much to get through and with him being a spiteful and spineless trail of cat sick it just gets dragged out. This too shall pass and it will all be sorted, and you’ll get the life you deserve.

Speaking from experience the kids will be ok. It’s hard now but they’ll form their own options. They see far more than we give them credit for, and they will see their mum being strong and dignified, their safe space and role model.

You are amazing, you keep that head up and keep going. Better times are coming.

@MysticHalfWitch
I am feeling very downtrodden, worse so when i think this is the one life I’ve got.

Nope, it didn’t come into it.

I'm sorry he's being such an idiot. But I'm glad that you are finding time for yourself. Therapy for DC sounds like a good idea. Hope your MP is helpful!

Really stupid stupid man. Any judge would surely tell him to grow the fuck up
KOKO…

You’re a warrior @Devoed. Keep going x

And thank you for all of your support, I can post everything when it’s all over…I’m conscious a lot of it doesn’t make sense at the moment. 💕

DC are finding it hard, but we’re coping. It’s funny, I thought I’d be finding it harder than them but I’m managing to fill my time quite easily. It’s nice to do things I should have been able to do all along, like exercise.

It just breaks my heart that it’s making DC unhappy, I’m going to broach the idea of them going back to therapy.

KH won’t communicate or discuss anything with me. He’s tried to slip in to the order that I’m not allowed out of my car at handovers…DC cannot fasten their seatbelts, get in the boot and we could both live with on street parking. It’s not safe or practical, it’s now for the judge to decide.

Finances are dragging on, we’re not back for a few more months.

I’m in touch with my MP about it all, it’s disgusting.

I think of you often too, Devoed. Hope DC doing better and school no longer worried.

Was thinking of you Devoed. I hope things are moving forward for you and the kids are ok.

Thank Goodness you have family to live with,

Good to hear that you are feeling lighter and finding stuff that you enjoy. And it sounds good that school are on it with DC. Hope things improve for them soon.

Thank you…I’m actually okay and making the most of having a bit more freedom. I’m dipping my toe into an old hobby and start exercising again. I genuinely feel lighter for it being over, KH is always going to be a KH now and I’ll always diarise everything but I’m quite a ‘get on with it’ person.

School on the other hand are worried about DC, so we’ll see how things go from there.

In other news, finances were delayed by a few months. Which is really hard…

Hope you are doing OK, @Devoed. Thinking of you.

I second not deviating from the court order. KH will find any loophole he can to get what he wants, but won't prioritise the kids or your wants or needs.

A bit of advice from an old 'pro' :
Never deviate from the court order if ex asks you to. I guarantee he won't return the ' favour' and you will be scraping for actual time with your dc he will mess you around so much. Word for word it needs to stay. Even at times you miss out - it will be worth it. When, also ime- he won't adhere to it word for word it will go on your favour in Teh future. . When it goes back to court your side of the order is squeaky clean. His not so much.
Take care of you op. So you can be the best version of yourself when your dc are with you. I ended up 6 stone and a mess after 4 years fighting with exh.
When dc hit 13 +14 they went nc with their df.. As adults they started seeing him but he wasn't the main influence during their teens.

So glad to hear it’s finally over @Devoed, despite it not you going quite the way you hoped for. Look after and be kind to yourself - you’ve been an absolute ‘warrior’ throughout the ordeal xx