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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

313 replies

CunningLinguist2 · 26/12/2025 12:34

Is @devoed okay? Threads disappeared & I am rooting hard for her & her kids against the KH.

OP posts:
Devoed · 22/01/2026 07:57

Nothing was mentioned over the house, it was really just going through the queries about the questionnaires.

KH has said he’ll pay for a courier, and I just can’t bring myself to let him do that to me. I think it, for now, is something we can keep mentioning in terms of him being so unreasonable.

I feel this with probably go to final hearing too. His barrister was really told off for some of the points raised.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/01/2026 07:00

Devoed · 22/01/2026 06:36

We’ve been in over the finances.

It went well, judge sided with us on everything.

Trying not to get my hopes up though, and manage my expectations.

Did judge comment on you losing the home you own because he’s helped himself to it?

Lennonjingles · 22/01/2026 06:59

@Devoed good to hear you think it went well, any news about getting back into house?

Ilovegoldies · 22/01/2026 06:49

Good luck with it all.

Whyherewego · 22/01/2026 06:48

Glad to hear. Good luck and stay strong

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/01/2026 06:44

Sounds positive! Well done. Hang on in there.

Devoed · 22/01/2026 06:36

We’ve been in over the finances.

It went well, judge sided with us on everything.

Trying not to get my hopes up though, and manage my expectations.

MonGrainDeSel · 21/01/2026 22:11

Hope all is going OK, @Devoed

Thinking of you.

rainbowstardrops · 15/01/2026 11:32

I’ve been thinking of you @Devoed and so pleased to see you back on here! Stay strong.

Devoed · 15/01/2026 11:15

@Mix56
i wonder if that’s why he has been stalling the finance side of things….i wonder if we’ll have the same judge too

Mix56 · 15/01/2026 07:43

He has declared he has no income, then says he is self employed & is flexible.
Someone with half a brain needs to pick up his lies.
Anyway, he can & will need to work if he intends to have dc a lot.
This will probably annoy the judge who will recognise him as the sponging, manipulative liar that he is.

BookArt55 · 14/01/2026 19:12

Devoed · 14/01/2026 17:54

I think they’re deciding once statements have been submitted. I think they’ve only allocated half a day though!

My original one was down as half a day... so you never know. Fingers crossed for you!

Devoed · 14/01/2026 17:54

I think they’re deciding once statements have been submitted. I think they’ve only allocated half a day though!

BookArt55 · 14/01/2026 17:18

We went to the final hearing being told clearly by thr judge that we would not be giving evidence. At the end of the first day the new judge said there was no way she could make a decision without both oarents giving evidence, final hearing went to a secind day a month later. Best decision. Ex went up and loved the spotlight got cocky and showed himself... mostly, but enough. So I really hope you both give evidence, he won't be able to keep his mask up and it will only help you. I know it will be nerve-wracking for you, but it will be worth it.

Devoed · 14/01/2026 15:09

I think they can say no to oral evidence if they don’t want to cause further hostility.

KH behaved poorly yesterday but nowhere near as bad as that @Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing!

I think reality might be hitting about DSC and DC schedules not aligning in terms of childcare, etc. I’m just not sure how to get around it. I’d like a right of first refusal putting in but it will be really odd for DC if I have them 9-5, it’s a lot of back and forth.

This is what I hate about KH lack of communication though, he just keeps saying he’s flexible due to being self employed but he still needs to work (and probably get a job).

CarpeVitam · 14/01/2026 14:11

On what grounds?

I thought oral evidence was standard at a final hearing.

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 14/01/2026 14:09

Have you heard the saying Give A Man Enough Rope?. Took 4 years to get to our Final Hearing.. First day exh lost his cool and tried to punch me from the stand. Security were called...
The judge had finally seen the facade slipping...
Exh lost his case...
He lost interest in the dc soon after.
They stopped seeing him at 12 and 14...
Bloody rooting for you woman!!

Devoed · 14/01/2026 14:04

@CarpeVitam
Yes

CarpeVitam · 14/01/2026 12:24

Devoed · 14/01/2026 10:31

At least by it going to final hearing, I can say my piece. If they allow oral evidence, one side is requesting we don’t give any.

KH is requesting you don’t give oral evidence?

Devoed · 14/01/2026 10:31

At least by it going to final hearing, I can say my piece. If they allow oral evidence, one side is requesting we don’t give any.

CassieKumquat · 14/01/2026 09:56

Just wanted to cheer you on @Devoed. I can’t imagine how much stress and anxiety this is causing you Flowers

Devoed · 13/01/2026 18:12

It’s going to final hearing….added an extra night to his weekend, which was my suggestion.

Downside, Easter gets two blocks of three nights which means my time is divided into 3 lots of 4 nights due to how it falls and tying some time in with DSC. Something to keep in mind for the final hearing.

KH behaviour was poor. In again next week for finances, interesting to see if it’s the same judge.

MonGrainDeSel · 13/01/2026 16:27

I know it must be horrible to be waiting and wondering but honestly you have done everything right and KH has been an absolute prick. Try not to worry. Can you book some stuff in to keep yourself busy and unable to dwell on it? See friends, go to an exhibition or a museum, do something nice with DC.

Devoed · 12/01/2026 21:49

I just keep reading both our statements and thinking surely mine cannot be argued with. It’s just the unknown…it’s horrible that DC has asked for nothing to change too and that they’re happy.

I feel like I’m letting them down by not being able to promise them that.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 12/01/2026 13:06

Argh! I really hope things go well for you, Devoed. I’ve not commented before but have been reading in the distance wondering why KH is such a pillock, and why his mum facilitates his foolishness.