“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

Definitely sensible to be cautious about what you share for now. I posted very little about my awful divorce whilst in the throes too. I wouldn’t have put it past my then husband to have been trawling through Mumsnet looking for any posts I made!

Keeping everything crossed for a good outcome for you and DC, Devoed.

I’m still being cautious of sharing too much but I can fill you all in once it’s over….in short, he’s being as bad as ever.

You are right though, @Daftapath, I keep telling myself that. At least he’s not pretending to be the dream coparent

I guess that I would look at it as the more he does this, the more he is proving that he can’t co-parent.

I'm so happy you're ok Devoed, I was so worried about you when the thread disappeared. You crossed my mind this morning and I found this thread. You're amazing and I hope everything works out for you and your DC.

@BookArt55
I hope you’re right, particularly as it’s one sided. There is some case law though which says that I parent shouldn’t be denied time with children because of parental conflict.

I could understand that if I were the one being high conflict and that case law was, probably, to stop one party purposefully creating conflict. I’m not though, he is whilst also being the one pushing for more time.

Sending hugs @Devoed 🩵🩵

Chances are you can't have 50/50 because conflict is so hard. So him refusing to communicate is great for that reason alone. Not great for the kids or you, a reasonable person.
My ex does the same helped me in court to say how do we coparent when he refuses to communicate about anything I deem as important for the kids. Keep documenting!

If things remain as they are, I can cope with this. If he ends up with 50/50, I just cannot see how this will work

He’s doing it to himself. Speaking from experience, try not to worry about things you can’t control …. It’s bloody hard though. I’m 8 years in and life gets easier

@MysticHalfWitch
thank you…just more waiting.

KH’s communication is getting worse, he just keeps signing any message off saying he won’t speak to me on the topic again.

It is bonkers and really sad for DC.

Just checking in @Devoedto see if you’re ok. Hope this year is better for you so far

For now, at least, I feel I need to show I’m trying and give him opportunities to coparent.

I don’t feel I can say he won’t, when he can they say I’ve stopped giving him the opportunity to do so.

I used to do this too! So I completely understand. Now I do absolutely everything I can to do it during my time and have as little to do with ex as possible.
Also, speak to any other hobbies, school, afterschool club, anything and have it in writing that dad doesn't make these decisions on your time and money. My ex was booking afterschool club, the kids weren't attending and then I got a big bill! Madness but they find ways to get to you!
Keep going! You're doing amazing. You're reasonable, he never will be.

Ergh. Imagine being that desperate to not have to parent on your day, not spend your own money, and not putting your kid first. What a t**t.

Keep going, @Devoed . He really is an absolute knob isn't he.

Absolutely
this very much feels like "doing the same thing over & over expecting a different result"
I've been following all along but haven't commented because didn't have anything to say, but wanted to say that I'm hoping for a good. Outcome for you & your DC

I've not commented before. But can I say, I think you're bloody amazing.

Once this is sorted out, I think you should go into politics. You could sort out the mess the country is in, no problem.

Where does your house fall in all the financial discussions? Is your barrister going to raise it?

I know it’s hard but I think you would have been better not contacting him about the hobby. I can see your logic because you are trying, as always, to plan ahead for what’s best for the children. But he’s shown time and again that this does not motivate him. What motivates him is upsetting you. So each time you reach out to him you’re giving him yet another opportunity to upset you. And he never fails to take it.

I’ve sorted it with the organisers and asked them not accept bookings from him without his card details.

Nope I’d be royally pissed, he does not get to decide, because it won’t affect him! Have a word with the organisers.

Sanity check me…

DC does a hobby once a week, I have always been to one to take them and liaise with the organisers, etc. It is also my bank card registered to the account (direct debit).

DC is moving up an age/level band after half term. I told KH they were moving up and that we weren’t guaranteed a booking on the same day. I said I was hoping to book the same day but asked if he could take DC on his time if they couldn’t (this would likely be on a day we alternate between us). It was phrased very nicely but He ignored me.

KH then contacts me today all “great news”, I’ve contacted the organiser and booked DC in on the same day but at a later time. He’s also cancelled their sessions in the interim.

I am just gobsmacked. He didn’t check with me, he’s not involved at all and it is my direct debit! I also cannot make that time as it means a really late night for DC.

AIBU to be really mad?!

His barrister was really told off for some of the points raised.

This sounds very satisfying! Glad to hear judge seems to have KH's measure. Wishing you all good things.

Good, barrister KH2.