Christmas expense split unfairly

How’s the presents being split? Are you buying 4 and getting one back, or are you buying 4 and getting 4 back? I know it’s not in the spirit of Christmas but I used to feel ripped off at spending £200 in presents for (each of) my siblings families and getting something like a £20 gift back. This is when I was single. Funny how it suddenly changed to ‘buying for kids only’ once I wasn’t single! I would also factor this into how much you are paying for Christmas.

Point taken . Yes I see that

The OP isn't a big drinker and said this in her first post

Very strange comment . Jealous much? !

I have no issue with you contributing to the cost of food/drink but people saying there’s hidden costs to hosting and a lot of work and effort… yes that’s true but you surely don’t expect to be compensated for effort and gas and electric when you offer to host? I’d split it 4 ways, it’s still unfair due to the fact you don’t really drink and her two kids are being subsidised but I’d let that go, subsidising her husband is too ridiculous to ignore

In some families - no. It might be for reasons that some people don't have much money to be fair and need a contribution

She'd have the lights on anyway, its her house and shes responsible for her electric bill. Im all for not taking the mick out of the host (contributing and doing your share of the cooking and cleaning up) but charging your family in this way when you keep all the left overs and booze is going too far. Its your mum and your sister! Just two extra ppl. Dont charge them anything ,just ask them to bring some soft drinks and a bottle or bring a couple of dishes and or the desert.

I would message her before she requests a third of the costs and just say “I’m going to send over my share for Christmas on X date, it seems fairest to split it between us 4 adults?” Then see what she and your mum say. I don’t understand why you all wouldn’t make it clear before the shopping was done what the split would be. I know you said you were anxious to bring it up but surely it’s making you more anxious now

For goodness sake you are all adults, you bring it up well in advance, pointing out you dont drink alcohol!

Doesn't the host - host? Supply food and drink? That's how it works for us. I'm not counting how many drinks and slices of ham people are having or asking for a per head contribution at any meal, Xmas or otherwise.

Do you really want to fall out with your sister for the sake of £30 or similar? If you host it, you can be in charge of the financial breakdown but you might decide it isn't worth the effort.

This year I'd give her one third of the food costs - as you didn't/don't drink, you shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol. Next year agree who is paying for what upfront.

It might be worth suggesting that the bill is split between the 4 adults. Resenting the cost of young children can come across as a bit mean-spirited, and it’s likely your mum would be perfectly happy not to include her grandchildren in her share anyway.

You chose to have one alcoholic drink on the day, but could just as easily have had more and at Christmas people often overbuy to avoid running out. On that basis, splitting the bill four ways between the adults may feel fairer overall. As a practical compromise, you could suggest taking a bottle of wine home since you only had one drink. In the same way, if you didn’t fancy dessert on the day, you might take it home for later.

Most importantly though, this should have been raised and discussed in advance of the day. Doing it after will almost certainly cause a conflict as your sister and mum will have budgeted for their agreed share based on the usual arrangement. Christmas with young children is very expensive and any extra unexpected cost will cause stress, you should have raised this prior to the food and alcohol being purchased not after.

But surely that's other peoples choices? Someone posted above that they fed 20 people for 143 pounds and bought food from Aldi. I'm personally perfectly happy with eating Aldi food at Christmas or other times. I would also be more than happy with a non branded champagne or cava or prosecco

I had prosecco over Christmas and it's on offer at 5.12 just now (prices are higher in Scotland due to minimum pricing).

I said earlier on in the thread that I'm on a low income - I wouldn't be spending hundreds of pounds on good at Christmas - it's just not feasible - and it won't be feasible for a lot of people either

Yet another post where someone is incapable of not letting someone walk all over them. She’s taking the piss, transfer whatever your share is and let her take the fucking huff.

No people I know have £300 Christmas meals and are happy.

Yes possible but sounds miserable

I think I would offer her money but perhaps not the money she asking for but you should offer.

TBH though I actually took a large part of dinner to our family Christmas at my brothers house with me - I bought, paid for and cooked the turkey which came from a butcher plus it had butter and bacon on it etc, I also took christmas crackers, cheese etc with me. It didn't occur to me to mention the cost to anyone. Or the fact my sister only took chocolate brownies and a bottle of wine. I think collaboratively we covered the cost of Christmas Dinner between us. I also had time to cook the turkey whilst my brother and his wife have 18mnth little one. I just viewed it as making Christmas more special. Next year maybe you do some shopping and bring it with you.

Oh wow £250 for Christmas dinner is an awful lot. How much of that was food/drink? I guess its the alcohol thats bumping the price up as a turkey is around £25, veg was on offer for around 15p each, starters approx £15 total, dessert approx £15 total. What was the rest spent on?

'Oh behave you are a family of 4 mum and I an only 1 person as is mum'
' not in a million years and I subsidising your husband and surely he'd be mortified that you've asked me too get a grip'

I cook Christmas dinner every year, I never charge my dad and brother for their meal. The meal in total cost maybe £50. We only have soft drinks. Whether they came or not, I'd have the oven or heating on. My personal view is that if I invited them, I provide the food.

Maybe because some families wouldn't expect to eat everything you've listed at Christmas - some would be happy with a main meal comprising of turkey (or whatever meat they eat) potatoes, carrots, sprouts, gravy - a dessert - and they might bring their own booze and snacks. Some people won't buy free range turkeys - they'll get cheaper ones and veg in several supermarkets ranges from 5-11p around Christmas.

Some people don't have the money to be buying smoked salmon, champagne. Port etc. That's reality for a lot of families these days - and some people will do it but they'll buy cheaper champagne, or cava or prosecco

Someone earlier in the thread said they fed ten people for 140 pounds - so it is possible

She's keen on being subsidied, but she is providing the venue.
Sounds like she's getting a good deal, a boost to her Christmas budget

If you are splitting cost it should be between the adults, so 4.

It should be split between the four adults and the alcohol left from the main shop and everyone brings their own. She should also share out the leftovers, she’s being greedy and selfish keeping it all and it sounds like she’s using your money for a free ride. My dad always comes to me for Christmas and he gives me some money towards food as he knows
money is tight for us so I make sure he has plenty to eat on the day and I sent him home with left over lunch food and a slice of the Yule Log we had for dessert.