Christmas expense split unfairly

It should be split equally between 4. I wouldn't quibble about who ate and drank what, it's still pretty cheap for Christmas day and you didn't have to host.

Yes I agree with those suggesting you get ahead of it. Send her 1/4 of the cost and text her saying..: thanks so much for a lovely day, I’ve sent you money to cover my share of the costs. Look forward to seeing you soon.

It will be awkward for her to question / challenge you. If she does then it’s far easier for you to respond explaining the rationale.

I think 4 ways is fair. She gets the keep the leftovers as comp for hosting.

How would I approach it @Blackcat54 may just be my approach but I would pay rather than bicker "post event".

You mention a few times that you "only had one drink" - is the alcohol the sticking point? Do you begrudge that element as that may be an area for future discussion if you are invited again?

They heated their home and offered the space. I personally feel it would be mean spirited to back track on previous agreements or approaches. Have the chat going forward. Simple?

Get in first with the rationale, however you want to split it. Then the onus is on her to say why (for example) it is unfair that 4 adults each pay 25%, which is harder than agreeing.

If you leave it to her, you are the one in the position of going against the proposal.

You’re quibbling about what 40 quid????

im no pushover but I’d just roll with this one for the sake of harmonious relationship. Of course if there’s many other issues and things an example I might take a stand. Or I might just get her and her partner and kids slightly less nice presents.

Is that the whole total or just your share? If thats your share i suggest you and your mum make different arrangements next year as your sister is taking advantage. As a family of 5 my total food bill including 6 bottles of champagne was £280. The champagne and snacks are for new year to.

There’s no way to avoid an argument given to here
That’s what I kinda had to learn last year or the year before avoiding conflict causes more conflict
So you might as well just face it head on and deal with it

It’s a bit late to bring this up now when you knew the situation and still went.

Bring dishes and own alcohol or don't drink

So many ways you could split this.

If organising in advance then I’d probably suggest a fie way split. So you and mum pay £50 each, and that leaves sis and family with £150 (allowing for £50 per adult then, another £50 to cover both kids as one adult).

But as Christmas has passed I’d probably suck it up this year but let them know that I’d want to work things differently next year.

Just split between the adults

I wouldn’t even suggest, if you know her bank details I’d transfer her your share and send her a text saying I’ve transferred my share of the Christmas food, thanks for a lovely day. Then if she texts and says it’s short say no 1/4 of £250 is X which transferred.

£250 total isn't bad for Christmas dinner. Your sister is hosting and taking on the extra stress of that.

I think it should be split between the four adults. Your not getting a Christmas dinner and a glass of wine for anywhere near to £60 if you where to go to a restaurant for a day. Id also be bringing a tupperware dish for some left overs.

Each or split?

Personally for ease.... i'd say there are 4 adults i want it split 4 ways and I'd be taking leftovers home.
The booze and kids id ignore
The difference recognises the effort of hosting

She will still have had to do all the cleaning, all the organising, all the clean up afterwards. Washing and ironing tablecloths and napkins, sorting decorations, playing fridge and freezer jenga etc. People who never host always think hosting is easy and cheap, because they're completely unaware of what goes into it.

75% of the effort I put into hosting Christmas happens before the day and after everyone's gone home.

I would split it by the number of people and then each person covers their share (so in their case they cover their family’s share). I don’t see why you should be subsidising everyone else.

Is it really worth it ? ! For that amount .? And she's hosting ? Ridiculous. But do bring a Tupperware box with you and take enough for your dinner on Boxing Day .

If she is going to be upset by the new split then it will cause an argument no matter what way you do it. So just say it… ‘DS, I don’t think the way we’re financially splitting Xmas works for me anymore. I am only one person and only had one alcoholic drink whereas you are four people. It would be more fair to split the cost 6 ways, you pay 4 lots and I pay 1 lot and mum pays 1 lot. Or I can pay 1.5 and you 4.5 if we want to cover mum. Otherwise I’m paying a lot extra for a lot less.’

As your sister is hosting she has the cost of the oven on all day, central heating lights etc.

I would split the food and drink out. Split the food between 4 adults, take your own alcohol with you or just forgo the one drink. You and your mum also get to take some leftovers if you want.

Use AI to draft a kind response politely refusing to pay that much. It really is excessive - you are getting ripped off

Veg and sides are about £30 max even for luxury brands

Does she share the receipt

I would ask for a breakdown, exclude the booze from the bill, and then pay a quarter.

And what proportion of that is the booze?

At least split it 4 ways between you, your mum, your sister and her partner? And only for food - not alcohol! Especially if they’re buying it, drinking most of the alcohol and keeping all of the leftovers!

I would message ahead of her requesting cash so you’re on the front foot, offering 1/4 of the cost?