Christmas expense split unfairly

She’s married, so that’s 4 adults. So I’d split it 4 ways. It’s really late in the day to be discussing this now, you should have had this conversation before Xmas.

Sitting between the adults is fair.

I'd agree here. Hosting is far more than just buying the food and cooking.

I'm assuming the kids aren't full blown 17 year olds who eat as much as an adult and drink etc? My kids (I have 3, 2 teens and an 8 year old) probably ate about £20's worth between them yesterday if that.

Although to be honest I think everyone is being a little weird an miserly here. I’ve never had people over and asked for money - if she doesn’t want to host then don’t host?

I was thinking the same - is there a class aspect going on here? As I'm as rough as they come and my family/people I know from home would never ask for money if they were hosting. Bit of a working class pride thing.
My Gran would make enough Christmas dinner to serve the entire estate 10 times over but would shudder in her grave at the idea of anyone financially contributing towards it.

My mum has never asked me for a contribution towards Christmas. For context we don't spend anywhere near 250 pounds (there's only three of us though) . Yesterday my brother came up to hers and the three of us had a takeaway and it cost 23 quid. She paid.

But I do things for her during the year. I take her out for meals. She came to mine for a takeaway last week.

I think it's the expectation that the OP and her mum pay for food and alcohol even if someone isn't drinking that's the issue here - not the fact that they've been asked to make a contribution

I agree with this. What my 5 year old ate yesterday would have cost a few quid at most - the cost of them joining a meal is negligible compared to feeding adults. I accept some 9 year olds can put away more but given you were being hosted it seems a bit mean-spirited to include them in the split. Agree with pps also that in future alcohol should be removed from the equation.

we've invited family to our house for lost of the last 40 years and I would never have considered asking anyone for a financial contribution. I remember my dad trying to give me some money on a couple of occasions towards the cost of the food and drink but I actually found it mildly offensive that he asked - I don’t expect my guests to pay towards the cost of coming to my house for Christmas Day. We would still be spending almost as much if it was just the two of us, or three of us when my daughter was here.

Each or between 3?

Is there a reason that it's not split four ways because I assume the husband eats as well? I also get that she's hosting but she keeps all the leftover food and booze

So essentially she's getting money back from you and your mum towards the cost of the shop - when she's still got a lot of food and drink left? That's not fair. It's to be split 3 ways and she's basically buying 250 pounds worth of food and drink and paying just over 85 pounds because you and your mum pay the rest?

Maybe consider cutting down the spend a bit if that's the case

Id be telling her you and your mum will be going elsewhere next year

Absolutely she's hosting and using fuel - but she's getting the much better deal out of this - and I'm sure she knows it

Wow

my shop cost me £140 for 10
people

although alcohol is separate to that

say you are happy to contribute to food shop but do your own thing on alcohol

If you are eating other meals there too the money doesn’t seem to be so bad. Ask for some leftovers to take home if that bothers you (e.g. unopened alcohol if you can use it e.g. for bringing to a party). Next year ask to split food only and for everyone to bring their own drink.

Depends a bit on kids ages, if primary aged or younger split it 4 ways (between adults) if older 6 ways. People should bring the drinks they fancy and if not be in with the shop. Energy isn’t free so them keeping the leftovers seems a fair exchange for hosting

So costs you £85 and you stay for a couple for days while sister hosts and cleans etc.
If that's the case I think your being tight

If you split it 5x ways - so 4x adults and 2x 0.5 adults it’d be £50 for your share. Split 3x ways it’s £83 for you.

it’s your call whether you want to fall out with your sister over £30. Personally if she’s hosting and doing a lot of the planning and preparation I’d be tempted to just let it go.

id split it 5 ways- half for a kid, and a full for an adult. so you pay a fifth, so does your mum and she pays three fifths. Of course mumsnet says kids go free- but thats ridiculous, they still eat!!!

This is what I have been thinking £250 for 6 people’s Xmas shop isn’t really a lot (I spent over £325 and I didn’t even host Xmas day). So it’s about £80 🤷‍♀️

Although to be honest I think everyone is being a little weird an miserly here. I’ve never had people over and asked for money - if she doesn’t want to host then don’t host? 🤔

Edit to say she could at least send you home with some leftovers - they are so yummy on Boxing Day.

How about you offer to host next year? Then you can agree (in advance) how you want the costs split, and you can keep the leftovers. Oh and you can also do the colossal amount of work involved in hosting a family Christmas. Fair's fair!

For this year, you need to pay the third of costs that's been agreed by custom and practice. You can't attend, eat the dinner and try to change the terms after the event. There's no good way to do that without cauding problems, cos it's a shitty thing to do and will obviously cause offence.

I’d just suck it up given your sister is hosting at her house. Yes it seems a bit unfair, but is it worth a potential fall out? How much alcohol was purchased? I think you could start saying I didn’t drink this, or eat that, but as your sister is hosting i’d just pay it.

In future split the food bill into 4 (each adult pays 1/4). Everyone brings their own drinks. Each adult is entitled to a share of the leftovers so you and DM can take something home with you if you wish.

For this year I would split the food into four (1/4 per adult). If you had one alcoholic drink I would offer the cost of a bottle of wine plus any soft drinks you had.

This.

You should probably suck it up this year, it's bad form to bring it up after the fact when you knew what her expectation would be.

Splitting between the 4 adults seems more reasonable.

If you don’t drink next year ask to only split the food costs and for the alcohol costs to be kept separate only for those drinking.

Hmm this is a tricky one. Your dsis should really only be asking for say £50 each from yourself and your DM, but as she is the one doing the cooking and the hosting and you say she is a difficult person, it will be very awkward to propose a different split.

I would ring the changes next year by suggesting that everyone just brings what they want to drink. But tbh £30 additional for family harmony doesn’t seem too bad.

I think it should be a food only bill that is split between 4 adults, and you each bring a bottle of your favourite booze to share. BUT this should be agreed BEFORE the event, not after the spending and hosting has been done. I think you just need to pay your third of the total this year and not mention anything about arrangements for next year until closer to the time (Oct/Nov or whenever it is you usually start making arrangements). Then make the suggestion about a 4 way food bill split and bring your own booze at a time in the future when it won't be perceieved as ungrateful for what you've just received. Even though you help out, just the task of tidying the house fit for visitors in advance when you have 2 kids to occupy is a mammoth undertaking, so I wouldn't even think about billing her for the kids food. See that as a hosting tax.