Page 13 | Christmas expense split unfairly

Blackcat54 · 2025-12-26T11:59:52+00:00

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day. When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:39

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:38

Everyone I know does

some up to 1k for hosting what with gifts and all

im low income group

Edited

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I live on a low income - where would I get 83 pounds to give a family member?

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:39

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:38

The sister could do a meal for 6 plus alcohol for much less than 250 pounds

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But she didn’t

it all adds up and OP went shopping with her so assume they agreed

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:38

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:37

Really? My family don't

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Everyone I know does

some up to 1k for hosting what with gifts and all

im low income group

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:38

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:12

As I have said - keep the alcohol out

you have to take into consideration her house is hosting - cleaning up afterwards etc which you’d get out of!

I think the contribution is £250
btw

Edited

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The sister could do a meal for 6 plus alcohol for much less than 250 pounds

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:37

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:13

I t try think £250 for 6 people is very cheap

most people spend double that

Really? My family don't

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:13

I t try think £250 for 6 people is very cheap

most people spend double that

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:12

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:07

The OPs sister doesn't need to be spending 250 quid on food and drink for four adults and two kids. That's the bigger issue in my view. No way would I be paying 83 quid for a Christmas dinner and one drink.

I don't have loads of money - that just isn't doable for me on any level

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As I have said - keep the alcohol out

you have to take into consideration her house is hosting - cleaning up afterwards etc which you’d get out of!

I think the contribution is £250
btw

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 18:07

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:05

I think given it sound alike her spouse doesn’t muck in it’s not good to expect you all to just split 3 ways

but then she does have all the mental prep and planning as it’s in her home as well as all the other cleaning etc

if I could afford it I’d leave it - but say next year can we put the alcohol aside

yea that’s the way just split the food and make sure you bring your own alcohol contribution

The OPs sister doesn't need to be spending 250 quid on food and drink for four adults and two kids. That's the bigger issue in my view. No way would I be paying 83 quid for a Christmas dinner and one drink.

I don't have loads of money - that just isn't doable for me on any level

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 18:05

I think given it sound alike her spouse doesn’t muck in it’s not good to expect you all to just split 3 ways

but then she does have all the mental prep and planning as it’s in her home as well as all the other cleaning etc

if I could afford it I’d leave it - but say next year can we put the alcohol aside

yea that’s the way just split the food and make sure you bring your own alcohol contribution

diddl · 27/12/2025 18:02

She will still have had to do all the cleaning, all the organising, all the clean up afterwards.

Why would she?

Grammarninja · 27/12/2025 18:00

Blackcat54 · 26/12/2025 12:35

I think I'll just say can we split it between the four adults

How big is the booze bill? If someone doesn't drink, I'd never expect them to pay for it. You're best off asking to split the bill 4 ways this year and then next year, get ahead of it by shopping with her but asking for the alcohol to be kept separate as you won't be drinking. Then show up with a bottle of wine if you think you might like a glass.

Sophue · 27/12/2025 17:53

InBedBy10 · 26/12/2025 12:04

It should be spilt 6 ways. Your sisters 4, you and you mam. And why does she get to keep all of the leftovers?

She's being a cheeky fucker. Dont let her bully you.

I totally agree.

Laura95167 · 27/12/2025 17:44

Id split food 4 ways amongst the adults.

She gets to keep leftovers because she cooks.

Drinks are bring your own

redskydelight · 27/12/2025 11:40

Not cheap is an understatement. Pretty sure someone could cook a very decent Xmas dinner from scratch for 4 adults for less than forty quid. Easily

As someone who has done just that (and had more than enough leftovers for 2 small children) I entirely concur. I can't imagine spending £250. It smacks of someone wanting an extravagant Christmas (which is fine) knowing that others will foot a lot of the bill (which is not fine).

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 00:02

The sister and her husband are getting fed and alcohol -plus their two kids fed for 83 quid. Whereas the mum and sister have to pay 83 quid each. Completely unfair split. She's rinsing you both

Sack her off and do your own thing next year

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 23:09

Come off it. The sister and mum are being rinsed and the husband contributes nothing. Why is he getting a free pass here

Some families wouldn't ask for a contribution at all or they wouldn't spend such a ridiculous amount of money in the first place

IndieRocknRoll · 26/12/2025 23:07

dontmalbeconme · 26/12/2025 12:27

She will still have had to do all the cleaning, all the organising, all the clean up afterwards. Washing and ironing tablecloths and napkins, sorting decorations, playing fridge and freezer jenga etc. People who never host always think hosting is easy and cheap, because they're completely unaware of what goes into it.

75% of the effort I put into hosting Christmas happens before the day and after everyone's gone home.

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This! If you’re not happy then host or go elsewhere next year. Otherwise perhaps instead of splitting it purely on money, divide up who brings what e.g crackers, soft drinks, desserts…

wfhwfh · 26/12/2025 22:48

Left · 26/12/2025 12:40

So many ways you could split this.

If organising in advance then I’d probably suggest a fie way split. So you and mum pay £50 each, and that leaves sis and family with £150 (allowing for £50 per adult then, another £50 to cover both kids as one adult).

But as Christmas has passed I’d probably suck it up this year but let them know that I’d want to work things differently next year.

I think this is really reasonable.

I’d also think hard about what you really would like to do next year. You are allowed to do your own thing at Christmas.

Just generally, 2-income households trying to contrive for single income female households to subsidise their children is REALLY unpleasant.

So feel free to ditch them next year and do your own thing - either with your mum
or alone.

sprigatito · 26/12/2025 22:42

Soonenough · 26/12/2025 12:26

Is it really worth it ? ! For that amount .? And she's hosting ? Ridiculous. But do bring a Tupperware box with you and take enough for your dinner on Boxing Day .

It’s a lot of money for a significant portion of the population, surely you must know that?

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:33

Createausername1970 · 26/12/2025 22:23

So it's going to cost you approx £80.

If you didn't discuss it this year beforehand then I feel you need to suck it up. From what you say she has shopped for it, it's her electricity to cook it, she has had extra faff around hosting you and your mum.

You on the other hand have had a nice day, helped with the cooking, no other faff and no debris to deal with.

If it were me, I think I would be happy to be contributing up to £80 towards the cost and have no faff. If you ate out next Christmas day, it probably wouldn't cost £80, but it would also just be a meal - nothing else. No cups of tea or spending time with your family.

But if you can't afford it then next year you should speak up and say you don't agree, or offer to host instead, or just don't go.

But this year, I think it's too late to move the goalposts at this point.

They both shopped for it apparently. The mum also took stuff along. Do you think paying 83 quid for a meal in someone's house is worth it just because they used electricity to cook it and had "faff". I don't. Particularly because there was another adult in the mix. The sisters husband who hasn't been asked to pay a penny towards the cost.

I spent time with my family this year. Our food cost us 25 quid for three days. Too good to go. Takeaway. Stuff from a community pantry

Lets be real here - no one needs to spend 250 quid on food and booze. Particularly given that the OP had one alcoholic drink and subsidises the booze that's being bought. Gets no leftovers

Not a chance would I go to a relatives house and pay 80 quid for Christmas dinner - you can make a decent Christmas dinner for ten quid a head or less

This meal could have been done for 100-120 quid including booze. That's the bigger issue here.

Createausername1970 · 26/12/2025 22:23

So it's going to cost you approx £80.

If you didn't discuss it this year beforehand then I feel you need to suck it up. From what you say she has shopped for it, it's her electricity to cook it, she has had extra faff around hosting you and your mum.

You on the other hand have had a nice day, helped with the cooking, no other faff and no debris to deal with.

If it were me, I think I would be happy to be contributing up to £80 towards the cost and have no faff. If you ate out next Christmas day, it probably wouldn't cost £80, but it would also just be a meal - nothing else. No cups of tea or spending time with your family.

But if you can't afford it then next year you should speak up and say you don't agree, or offer to host instead, or just don't go.

But this year, I think it's too late to move the goalposts at this point.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:10

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

Not cheap is an understatement. Pretty sure someone could cook a very decent Xmas dinner from scratch for 4 adults for less than forty quid. Easily

A turkey or whatever other meat you eat . Some veg and some potatoes and even factoring in the cost of snacks or starters - crisps and whatever else

250 - sorry what?

BTW I'm not assuming everyone else meat. I'm vegan myself but lots of people aren't but I would not be paying 83 quid for a Christmas day dinner on any level. Not a chance

redskydelight · 26/12/2025 20:52

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

OP says they shared the prepping and the cooking and she also helped with the clearing up afterwards.

Perhaps (since this is MN) she should bill her sister for her household labour contributing to the meal?

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

ResusciAnnie · 26/12/2025 20:15

IMO it shouldn’t be split at all, either host or don’t 😵‍💫 yes even if you’re single. It doesn’t have to be super expensive.