Page 10 | Christmas expense split unfairly

Blackcat54 · 2025-12-26T11:59:52+00:00

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day. When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:31

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:27

Ahhhh, just seen your identical interactions with this poster a few pages back.

I wish you well 😊

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Ah right. You're being snide to me too now. Well this is where I step out. You're the person being nasty to the OP and sneering at me for what I spent on my Christmas dinner.

Hope it makes you feel good

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:27

MissMountshaft1 · 27/12/2025 19:06

You obviously can’t tolerate difference

I’m happy to disagree

obv we would buy diff things and host differently

Edited

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Ahhhh, just seen your identical interactions with this poster a few pages back.

I wish you well 😊

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:25

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:12

So, you didn't cook a Christmas Dinner in the national average sense, which is what we are discussing here. A bit more fancy roast, so to speak, with a starter and dessert. Plus the evening food. You don't cook any meat ever, which is one of the primary costs of aforementioned Christmas Dinner meal.

You made a vegan curry. One course, for two people. And this cost £7.50. Which is very lovely, I'm sure, but absolutely no relevance as a comparable cost to what OPs thread is about. If I'd bought fish and chips for 2 and paid £20 and ate that for my Christmas meal, it's a pointless comparison.

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I did not make a vegan curry - are you actually reading anything I'm writing? My mum and my brother and myself got three curries from the local Chinese takeaway. Two vegan and one meat as he eats meat

I'm quite aware meat is expensive but you can get an 8 quid turkey from Aldi

There's no need to spend 250 quid on a Christmas dinner

At all

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:24

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:17

I stand corrected - I actually did get some "picky bits". Some yellow sticker party food from morrison for yesterday and next week

Yum! In the air fryer with tatties from the community pantry and some veg. Less than a pound a head for Hogmanay and dinner on the second of Jan

And I'll be having my "poor persons curry" on new years day. For 7.50

We always give a tip too to the Chinese takeaway

YUM!!!!

My mum has health issues just now which means slaving over a hot stove isn't feasible

Again, unsure of the point of demonstrating another non comparable situation?

Two meal deals from Greggs cost £9.60. Do we also need to factor that in as a meal for two... with no resemblance to a standard 3 course Christmas dinner for 3 households?

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:17

I stand corrected - I actually did get some "picky bits". Some yellow sticker party food from morrison for yesterday and next week

Yum! In the air fryer with tatties from the community pantry and some veg. Less than a pound a head for Hogmanay and dinner on the second of Jan

And I'll be having my "poor persons curry" on new years day. For 7.50

We always give a tip too to the Chinese takeaway

YUM!!!!

My mum has health issues just now which means slaving over a hot stove isn't feasible

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:12

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:04

I never said that the whole days food and drink for my family came in at 7.50. I said my curry that I had on Christmas day was 7.50

I smashed my leg to pieces just over 18 months ago and even though I get disability benefits I still live well below the line..

No race to the bottom. Just spending what I can afford

Hope that fucking helps

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So, you didn't cook a Christmas Dinner in the national average sense, which is what we are discussing here. A bit more fancy roast, so to speak, with a starter and dessert. Plus the evening food. You don't cook any meat ever, which is one of the primary costs of aforementioned Christmas Dinner meal.

You made a vegan curry. One course, for two people. And this cost £7.50. Which is very lovely, I'm sure, but absolutely no relevance as a comparable cost to what OPs thread is about. If I'd bought fish and chips for 2 and paid £20 and ate that for my Christmas meal, it's a pointless comparison.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:10

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:57

I offer every year to host and its always declined. I'd rather you dont post on this anymore please, you're coming across unkind and unhelpful. Thank you.

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Just ignore. They are just looking to belittle you

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:09

I only have three of a family - our Christmas day curry cost 23 pounds as it happens and my mum and I did buy alcohol on top of that

I'm quite proud of my "race to the bottom" dinner. No food waste. No cooking costs - and spending time with the people I care about most

I also don't eat meat or cheese which is why I have a "race to the bottom" takeaway rather than a cheeseboard and "picky bits"

writergirl007 · 27/12/2025 22:09

My family set up is similar to yours - me single, sister married with 2 kids. I generally go to theirs at Christmas as that's what they want - more room, easier for kids to be at home etc.

So I do all the travel. And as the token childless aunt spend more on presents than I get in return (this doesn't matter to me). Then either not drink and drive home or get to sleep on sofa (obvs as a single person, I don't deserve a bed).

My point is that being single and childfree can work out pricey at Christmas - and that's without subsidising your bro-in-law's dinner. Nothing more annoying than a couple who eats for two (or 3 or 4 if they have kids) and pays for one....

And obviously living alone is stupidly expensive all year round.....

OP...you are not unreasonable!

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:04

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:57

I offer every year to host and its always declined. I'd rather you dont post on this anymore please, you're coming across unkind and unhelpful. Thank you.

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You don't get to call people unkind and tell people when they can and can't post because they don't suit your narrative.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 22:04

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:01

Er, exactly what I demonstrated in the example.

OP thinks she should be paying 1/4 as opposed to 1/3. She thinks it should be per adult, not per household. Well actually she doesn't, she calls it dinner for 6 to make it sound even more "unfair" glossing over that persons 5 and 6 are little children. But she knows she can't get away with that realistically so admits the best she can argue is splitting 4 ways instead of the current 3.

OP feels umbrage at the £20.80 difference between paying per household and paying per adult. She wants to make no recognition to the fact that she doesn't have to host. So she should do exactly that next year. Then we'll see how much she thinks she should be paying her way.

Although, this will all of course be impossible for you to comprehend with your race to the bottom whole day's food and drink for everyone coming in at £7.50.

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I never said that the whole days food and drink for my family came in at 7.50. I said my curry that I had on Christmas day was 7.50

I smashed my leg to pieces just over 18 months ago and even though I get disability benefits I still live well below the line..

No race to the bottom. Just spending what I can afford

Hope that fucking helps

MumChp · 27/12/2025 22:01

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:57

I offer every year to host and its always declined. I'd rather you dont post on this anymore please, you're coming across unkind and unhelpful. Thank you.

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Next year host your mum or set your sister a budget of £30 each adult. It's more than doable.

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 22:01

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 21:48

No. The husband should be paying a share. Four adults - split four ways

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Er, exactly what I demonstrated in the example.

OP thinks she should be paying 1/4 as opposed to 1/3. She thinks it should be per adult, not per household. Well actually she doesn't, she calls it dinner for 6 to make it sound even more "unfair" glossing over that persons 5 and 6 are little children. But she knows she can't get away with that realistically so admits the best she can argue is splitting 4 ways instead of the current 3.

OP feels umbrage at the £20.80 difference between paying per household and paying per adult. She wants to make no recognition to the fact that she doesn't have to host. So she should do exactly that next year. Then we'll see how much she thinks she should be paying her way.

Although, this will all of course be impossible for you to comprehend with your race to the bottom whole day's food and drink for everyone coming in at £7.50.

ADHDdiagnosis · 27/12/2025 21:58

So the total for all of you is 250? In that Case I would not be as keen to argue it. Because what about the cost of hosting. Electricity, gas, dishwasher tablets, toilet rolls, cleaning materials. Wear and tear. Etc. I’d factor it all in

Original poster

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:57

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 21:36

You only seem to be thinking about yourself though? You think her extra effort for the whole affair, equates to £20.80. That's what you want to argue over. Paying £62.50 instead of £83.33. And you're trying to count a 5yo and a 9yo as equals to yourself.

You should host next year. Genuinely. Then, with the actual experience of what she does, Vs what you currently perceive she does, decide what you think is fair.

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I offer every year to host and its always declined. I'd rather you dont post on this anymore please, you're coming across unkind and unhelpful. Thank you.

OP posts:

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 21:53

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:27

I found your message really upsetting and unkind.
I should sit on my own with a microwave meal because I want to split the cost of a christmas dinner evenly and fairly? Okay then.
For what its worth:

me and her plan the whole meal together including starter main and dessert
she wasn't up early to start cooking, we do all the cooking and prep together and I did all the timings to know when things needed to go in and out and at what temperature
we all get our own drinks, no one expects to be made drinks
we all clear the table, clean up, stack and unload the dishwasher.

Of course there are added pressure and work with hosting people which I definitely recognise, appreciate and take into account but I dont think that should mean that I need to pay a third of a meal that was for 6 people including alcohol that I didnt drink.

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I'm going to say this very gently. Your sister is rinsing you. She does not need to spend 250 quid on a meal for four adults and two kids. She could do the same meal for 80 quid tops easily

You should not be paying 83 quid for a three course meal and one drink when her and her husband and two kids pay 83

You and your mum are subsidising her Christmas - please reconsider

My mum and me spent less than 30 quid for three meals for us. Christmas eve Christmas day and boxing day - excluding booze

Your sister knows fine well she's getting the better deal by far

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 21:48

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 21:36

You only seem to be thinking about yourself though? You think her extra effort for the whole affair, equates to £20.80. That's what you want to argue over. Paying £62.50 instead of £83.33. And you're trying to count a 5yo and a 9yo as equals to yourself.

You should host next year. Genuinely. Then, with the actual experience of what she does, Vs what you currently perceive she does, decide what you think is fair.

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No. The husband should be paying a share. Four adults - split four ways

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 21:36

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:27

I found your message really upsetting and unkind.
I should sit on my own with a microwave meal because I want to split the cost of a christmas dinner evenly and fairly? Okay then.
For what its worth:

me and her plan the whole meal together including starter main and dessert
she wasn't up early to start cooking, we do all the cooking and prep together and I did all the timings to know when things needed to go in and out and at what temperature
we all get our own drinks, no one expects to be made drinks
we all clear the table, clean up, stack and unload the dishwasher.

Of course there are added pressure and work with hosting people which I definitely recognise, appreciate and take into account but I dont think that should mean that I need to pay a third of a meal that was for 6 people including alcohol that I didnt drink.

Show quote history

You only seem to be thinking about yourself though? You think her extra effort for the whole affair, equates to £20.80. That's what you want to argue over. Paying £62.50 instead of £83.33. And you're trying to count a 5yo and a 9yo as equals to yourself.

You should host next year. Genuinely. Then, with the actual experience of what she does, Vs what you currently perceive she does, decide what you think is fair.

Original poster

Blackcat54 · 27/12/2025 21:27

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 20:36

Because it's not just about the food receipt is it.

If my Christmas was just the value of the supermarket receipt I'd be laughing.

It's about planning the starter, main, dessert(s) plus all the nibbles. Prepping the night before, while everyone else can relax or get on with other things. Up early to get various meats and whatever in an out the ovens. Spending the morning in the kitchen instead of playing with the DC and relaxing watching TV. The crackers, the extra picky bits, the drinks (alcoholic and soft), the constantly checking if anyone needs a cuppa, or whatever, the table displays, the hosting and prepping your home for guests. The delivery of a tasty, Christmas dinner for everyone. Plus dinner, cold cuts maybe, with a cheeseboard? Laying a Christmas table. Clearing the table. Laying it for dinner. Running the dishwasher continuously.

Seriously, OP should sit on her own, chiming away that a fabulous slimy microwaveable ready meal roast dinner for one is merely a fiver. Eat that, by herself, if she's going to pretend that paying her third of the household bill, absolving herself of all responsibility, is poor value.

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I found your message really upsetting and unkind.
I should sit on my own with a microwave meal because I want to split the cost of a christmas dinner evenly and fairly? Okay then.
For what its worth:

me and her plan the whole meal together including starter main and dessert
she wasn't up early to start cooking, we do all the cooking and prep together and I did all the timings to know when things needed to go in and out and at what temperature
we all get our own drinks, no one expects to be made drinks
we all clear the table, clean up, stack and unload the dishwasher.

Of course there are added pressure and work with hosting people which I definitely recognise, appreciate and take into account but I dont think that should mean that I need to pay a third of a meal that was for 6 people including alcohol that I didnt drink.

OP posts:

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 21:11

redskydelight · 27/12/2025 20:58

Blimey.
And you do all that just because you are having your mum and sister over for dinner? Well lovely if you are happy to do so, but it doesn't sound like you are, so maybe do a bit less? Particularly if your guests are helping with prep and cooking and tidying up, is there really loads to do?

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Depends how nice you want to make it really. We have champagne and canapés, 3 course meal with either prawn, scallop or lobster starter. Evening charcuterie, salads, cheeses, deli sides. Fine wines. There's a lot of us too, so £250 doesn't particularly scratch the surface. Plenty of leftovers. I don't ask for a contribution from anyone, if you're invited, you're a guest. Guests don't pay. Most bring something lovely as well mannered token of appreciation. This year, flower bouquets, very nice chocs, more fizz.

I don't mind it. It's tiring, definitely, but it's greatly appreciated by all, and I have more than the OP's set up to feed. It's also nice because the following day, one of my guests reciprocates and the whole hoard goes to their house for a lovely feast.

I'm also not entirely sure which bit you're so shocked at? The crackers? The clearing and resetting lunch then dinner? The bowls of nibbles? The cheeseboard/cold cuts evening food? Those things are very very standard across the country.

croydon15 · 27/12/2025 21:08

Flickaflock · 26/12/2025 12:19

I would ask for a breakdown, exclude the booze from the bill, and then pay a quarter.

This that seems fair

redskydelight · 27/12/2025 20:58

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 20:36

Because it's not just about the food receipt is it.

If my Christmas was just the value of the supermarket receipt I'd be laughing.

It's about planning the starter, main, dessert(s) plus all the nibbles. Prepping the night before, while everyone else can relax or get on with other things. Up early to get various meats and whatever in an out the ovens. Spending the morning in the kitchen instead of playing with the DC and relaxing watching TV. The crackers, the extra picky bits, the drinks (alcoholic and soft), the constantly checking if anyone needs a cuppa, or whatever, the table displays, the hosting and prepping your home for guests. The delivery of a tasty, Christmas dinner for everyone. Plus dinner, cold cuts maybe, with a cheeseboard? Laying a Christmas table. Clearing the table. Laying it for dinner. Running the dishwasher continuously.

Seriously, OP should sit on her own, chiming away that a fabulous slimy microwaveable ready meal roast dinner for one is merely a fiver. Eat that, by herself, if she's going to pretend that paying her third of the household bill, absolving herself of all responsibility, is poor value.

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Blimey.
And you do all that just because you are having your mum and sister over for dinner? Well lovely if you are happy to do so, but it doesn't sound like you are, so maybe do a bit less? Particularly if your guests are helping with prep and cooking and tidying up, is there really loads to do?

MyNattyCrow · 27/12/2025 20:56

‘My Christmas dinner cost £7.50’ is surely MN Christmas bingo for many people this year.

Did it feed 15 with leftovers for several days too?

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 20:54

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 20:36

Because it's not just about the food receipt is it.

If my Christmas was just the value of the supermarket receipt I'd be laughing.

It's about planning the starter, main, dessert(s) plus all the nibbles. Prepping the night before, while everyone else can relax or get on with other things. Up early to get various meats and whatever in an out the ovens. Spending the morning in the kitchen instead of playing with the DC and relaxing watching TV. The crackers, the extra picky bits, the drinks (alcoholic and soft), the constantly checking if anyone needs a cuppa, or whatever, the table displays, the hosting and prepping your home for guests. The delivery of a tasty, Christmas dinner for everyone. Plus dinner, cold cuts maybe, with a cheeseboard? Laying a Christmas table. Clearing the table. Laying it for dinner. Running the dishwasher continuously.

Seriously, OP should sit on her own, chiming away that a fabulous slimy microwaveable ready meal roast dinner for one is merely a fiver. Eat that, by herself, if she's going to pretend that paying her third of the household bill, absolving herself of all responsibility, is poor value.

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I'm vegan by the way. Lots of people are vegan or veggie and don't spend Christmas up to their eyes in meat

No one needs to spend hours prepping over picky bits and a delicious cheeseboard

No one needs to make a martyr of themselves trying to justify why they are charging their family so much.

Particularly when they could do a meal for 70 tops and not 250 quid

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 20:51

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 20:43

The OP said she helped with the prep and I would never want to do a Christmas meal like you've described as it sounds awful and exhausting - and once more - no one needs to spend 250 quid on a Christmas dinner for four adults and two young kids

I'd personally rather eat that by myself than opt into a meal where I paid 83 quid and didn't even get a bag of leftovers

My Christmas dinner cost 7.50 and it was lovely

I suspect the OPs sister doesn't do picky bits (I hate that phrase) and a cheeseboard.

I suspect they buy lots of booze that she subsidises because she doesn't drink alcohol

It's 2025. Women don't need to be chained to the cooker doing picky bits and cheese

Not even a bag of leftovers to take home for 83 quid? Fuck that

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Yeah I think we can see you can't comprehend "a Christmas meal like that." It's pretty much the average meal going on up and down the country.

I was actually taking the piss by comparing a meal for a fiver. Of course you love your £7.50 meal which obviously is outstanding in comparison to what most Christmas day food and drink, for 6, all day, comprises of, and anything above £2.50 is ridiculous for OP to contribute.

As PP stated, it's very clear who hasn't got a clue about hosting and that 75% of Christmas hosting happens the day before and the day after. Although no doubt you will soon tell us that you're a fabulous host, indeed guests wax lyrical about your opulent £7.50 feasts...