Big gifts for DH but token ones for DD?

If you are finding it too expensive to buy for them and not appreciating the gifts received, maybe he should tell them that he will opt out of exchanging gifts in future. That way your gift budget goes to choosing what you think is best for your dd

I don't think it sounds grabby to ask that they buy DD useful better quality stuff but less of it, than cut price crap simply for the sake of it!

A better quality thirty quid balance bike and none of the massively reduced inappropriate tat would be much better and cost them less! Why should OP be grateful to be given shite they don't want and rubbish the kid will struggle to use because its such poor quality?!

My mum buys the kids bits and bobs from places from primark and Tescos as that’s where she can get to. She wouldn’t ever google for a review of an item, if she saw something and thought it looked ok, she’d buy it. My parents usually would spend more on my siblings and I, but not a huge amount. We don’t want them to as we don’t need anything but they will buy us things like gloves, jumpers etc. as my mum still thinks of us as kids to keep warm which is sweet. They don’t want us to buy stuff for them as they say we should spend it on the kids. But we buy token gifts like books, socks, handcream etc. I think what your PIL bought for your DD is fine. Also fine if they want to spend £250 on their son. But absolutely not fine to comment on your DH only buying them one gift each etc, that’s unnecessary and unkind. There’s something a bit controlling in their approach in this regard, creating a dynamic of needing their approval. Only your DH can extricate himself from that but I suspect it’s a long standing family dynamic.

Probably not worth getting het up about this. Gift habits and preferences aren't that important really. Assuming they care and love you all, be grateful and move on. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things

My parents spend about £300 each on me and my sisters (all grown) and about £70 each on DH and the grandkids. Kids get plenty of stuff at Christmas and we are their children

My family always spent more on the children than the adults and I do the same but my husband's family did the opposite. I always found it odd but I remember mother in law telling me how she worked it out. It was something like twice as much for her children than for her grandchildren and her children's spouses got something in between!

Get your dh to text and say he’s not doing gifts in 2026. Simple.

do you get any gifts from them?

If DH doesn’t want to do expensive gift exchanges with his family then now is the perfect time to withdraw.

In a few days he can send messages thanking them for the lovely gift but letting them know that he/you won’t be participating going forward.

I don’t get the worry over this. Your daughter literally doesn’t care. I’d leave all the agnst’ing to your DH, it’s his family. Your daughter won’t care what she gets unless you make it into a thing. If you decide to not care about this type of thing then it’s so much easier. You won’t be wasting time feeling angry and resentful.

You do your family and your DH does his. It’s much easier. Be happy that they buy your DH gifts.

Maybe he doesn’t want to?

I think your post is a bit misleading over prices. You would be better changing it to inappropriate/crap presents for dd - your example of Halloween waterbottle and spiderman t shirt.

I'd take balance bike back and get her a decent lightweight one she will enjoy using. As a bike person id be spending minium of £50 but more on the £100 scale.

Besides from my own DC, I spend more on the adult gifts. Children get plenty from their own parents so I like to be able to treat the parents.

Your Dh sends a message to his family in January saying that as costs are going up from now on he won’t be buying presents for any adults in the family and doesn’t want them to buy anything for him for Christmas or birthday.

Yeah, that is grabby. Everything else is just distracting backstory, apart from the fact that you don't think they've spent enough on your DD or bought her good enough stuff. Very grabby indeed. A balance bike, some clothes and a water bottle is a pretty decent amount of stuff to get for a 2 year old. How ungrateful you are that you don't recognise that.

You can't complain about people buying Christmas gifts for their own son.

Getting rubbish that will end up in the bin would annoy me, but massive YABU for expecting them to spend a certain amount on a child just because they spend a lot on someone else (which happens to be the dad)

It's not like they spend £250 on one grand-child and £20 on the other

Yabu.
I love the idea of actually spending on the adult kids, and less (still absolutely loads and to tot it up the way you did us frankly awful) on a 2 year old who a) doesn’t know anyway b) will have loads from Santa/parents anyway.

DH’s family spend a pittance on Christmas gifts for kids under 6ish, not because they value them less but because at that age they are as entranced by £5 quid colouring set as they are by a £50 doll. And they don’t buy things that are needed as, to them, Christmas and birthday gift giving is about having a treat.

Some of that may be a part of what’s going on with your DH’s family. Though it sounds like there might be more to it. How candid is your DH with them about how you’re struggling? Would they help out (outside of Christmas) if they knew?

Not buying for family other than spouse and DC, and not expecting gifts from anyone else, has been the best decision all around and I'm glad we made it when DC were tiny. Our total gifting budget now, with two teen DC, is approximately £200, which is manageable. DP and I do small token gifts.

Dare I ask what you get from them?

I haven't got anything from my DP family and we've been together 15 years with two DC. I couldn't give a toss though.

They didn't spend hundreds on your 2 year old who won't even remember and will be happy with Primark, The Works and Asda because she is too young to be a snob?

How awful

Maybe don't go looking at prices

He can easily tell them in September what he wants for DD

Your resentment is palpable btw but also resentment is like drinking your own poison so as the saying goes let it gooooooo, let it gooooooo

nothing to do with you and nothing you can do

A 2 year old isn’t going to know how much was spent or indeed her presents compared to your husbands pile.
I’d be absolutely fine with something £20 for kids. Toys have a limited life span for use , either through boredom or lack or interest or of course if they break.

Voted unreasonable as you sound snobby, oh no not the works, primark and George. Who sits totting up how much has been spent?

Your daughter will probably be treated with more money spent on her gifts when she's older, which I assume you'll be thrilled with.

If you can't afford it, don't spend what you aren't happy spending

Many older people have the view that kids have too much stuff and don’t need more.

Moving forward I would have DH give them a list of items for DDthat fall within their chosen budget but which you know she will like. If they do not want to give your DH vouchers then why can’t he come up with things that he does actually need? Yes it may take more work for him but he needs to work with his family taking into account their views. If they like to spend a lot on him why doesn’t he use the opportunity to have them buy him clothes for the year? Would they be willing to give a zoo or farm annual pass or does that fall within the definition of a voucher?

You and DH need to come up with a budget of how much you are willing to spend on his family and stick to it. That is something you can control and his parents will just need to accept that.