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AIBU?

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Original poster

Choice of side plate , who was unreasonable

39 replies

BeMintFatball · 26/12/2025 09:53

I brought to the table the wrong side plates for Christmas cake. Mum told me she could not eat cake off plates she would use for her breakfast toast.

She wanted specific side plates with spots from the lowest shelf in the sideboard. Asked daughter to get them as I have mobility problems. Daughter who has learning disability got out the plates with flowers. Those also wrong. Mum insisted on the spotty plates.

Despite causing me a lot of pain I got the desired spotty plates and told my mum what a pain in the arse she was being. Mum sounded all childlike but Christmas is only one day a year .

Vote
YABU its Christmas that’s when the spotty plates are used. Make your 88 year old mum happy

YANBU Does it really matter , all the plates were clean. Cake would taste the same no matter what pattern was printed on the crockery.

OP posts:
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 26/12/2025 11:32

throwaway20262025 · 26/12/2025 09:54

If your mum is neurotypical, then she’s being fussy. It’s fine to have a preference but in the circumstances you’d described I’d suck it up.

Agree with this. There are worse things that happen at sea, than not having spotty plates.

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2025 11:30

I like to use specific plates too but I’d make sure they were out and ready, especially if you have mobility issues and your DD might not understand. She should have just got them herself, unless SHE also has mobility issues then she needs to move the darn plates!

daffodilandtulip · 26/12/2025 11:19

I have preferences for certain plates and mugs for certain things, even cutlery. But I wouldn't force these into other people (for fear they would think I'm batshit.) I would just silently eat my cake whilst thinking it didn't taste the same off the wrong plate 😂

CuboidRectangle · 26/12/2025 10:44

tripleginandtonic · 26/12/2025 10:31

Its not difficult to get the plate she wanted, she was clear which one it was. Yabu.

Try re-reading the OP when you're sober...

Original poster
BeMintFatball · 26/12/2025 10:41

Surprised replies are unanimous in my favour. Genuinely thought it would be an even split.

Mum could not get the plates herself. She walks with a frame and needs carers in 4 times a day.
She has always had set crockery for certain times of day. Add into the mix special cups for Easter ( got daffodils on) She even has a special mug for when my eldest dd visits her. No special mug for DD2 who has additional needs though. From Mum’s point of view having to accept carers has meant compromise. I think she was enjoying having things done her way.

From my point of view. We had packed up the car with the dinner to be cooked at mum’s . Husband had cooked the turkey the day before. I had done all the cooking at Mum’s single handedly because that was my way of coping. Plus mum’s groceries for the coming days. DD2 is mentally very unwell at present signed off sick from work. I had to help her get dressed yesterday because her mind is in that much confusion. I’m on my last fucking nerve . Mum should have put herself in my shoes.

OP posts:
OvernightBloats · 26/12/2025 10:38

She is dictating to you about what plates to use?! In your house?! This is so rude.

Probably her way of trying to control you and make you second guess yourself. Don't let her! If she does this again, refuse to entertain her pettiness.

tripleginandtonic · 26/12/2025 10:31

Its not difficult to get the plate she wanted, she was clear which one it was. Yabu.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 26/12/2025 10:16

Elderly people can get a bit like this, but that doesn't mean she wasn't unreasonable. Of course she was completely unreasonable - cake tastes the same on every plate. Well done to you and DD for trying to do the right thing, though.

Saz12 · 26/12/2025 10:12

If she's put loads of thought into hosting, then she maybe would just get hung up on silly details. At 88, she quite probably has overthought it all, and would find getting the plates out physically difficult. I wouldn't get too bothered - let DD have time to find the right ones.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/12/2025 10:08

I'd have told her to get her own plate or go without cake...

ShodAndShadySenators · 26/12/2025 10:07

If she wanted a specific plate, she should have got off her arse and fetched it herself. What a ridiculous thing to make fuss about, is she usually so awkward and pedantic? She might be 88 but she should be aware that it's not easy for you and make allowances accordingly. She must know it's painful for you to get it for her?

My family is mostly not NT and we don't come up with this sort of nonsense. Any plate will do!

pinotnow · 26/12/2025 10:05

I have special plates etc for certain uses but I wouldn't expect people to be running around accommodating it, especially if they had additional needs/physical ailments.

Jungleballsjungleballs · 26/12/2025 10:02

Wouldn’t pander to this kind of crap.

a plate is a plate.

it wasn’t she ‘couldn’t’ Eat cake from it - it was she wouldn’t.

her choice - fon’t like the plate - don’t have cake then - totally pathetic and unnecessary fussing.

Life is too short for this type of fussing.

throwaway20262025 · 26/12/2025 09:54

If your mum is neurotypical, then she’s being fussy. It’s fine to have a preference but in the circumstances you’d described I’d suck it up.

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