Over stimulation or Christmas ruined by overcommercialised, high expectation December?

People are just consuming far too much and the financial stress puts everyone on edge too because for all that money then you create this expectation that it will be foolproof and perfect.

I like a quiet Christmas with a couple presents. My partner went overboard this year with his family and then he was hurt/disappointed that they really didn’t seem to care that much. But it’s on him really, he put all that burden on himself - but now we know better for next year.

It's Mumsnet.

people come to moan

Well said @TempsPerdu my sons are adults but there is still a huge pressure to make it all "perfect". Maybe we should all start a movement to "reclaim" Christmas next year.

I think this is quite insightful and true. When I was a child my Christmases were magic and we didn't do a fraction of the events that are available now. I had a lovely Christmas this year but I was tired - I think next year I will scale back my events and spend more time enjoying time together at home and less time trying to cram in a lot of different events.

It's a lot for children and adults to handle and especially with children I think we can set them up to fail by hyping them up so much for so many weeks. It's almost like Christmas Day can't live up to the hype of the preceding weeks.

Yes, said ít many a time. Christmas is brainwashing. You've done it for years, so you think you must do it.

You dont have too. I look forward to the time people start thinking for themselves instead of being sheep.

On reflection, the two things that have made me happiest this Christmas have been attending a small community carol service, choosing and decorating our tree with DP and DD and and buying and wrapping a gift for an elderly person in a local sheltered housing complex.

I agree OP. For years the build-up to Christmas used to be my favourite part, but that was pre-DC and due to low-key traditions like attending (or performing in) carol services, lighting the advent candle each day, reading Christmas-themed books, wreath-making with friends and so on.

Since we’ve had DD and our parents have aged we’ve been much more exposed to the frenetic and commercialised side of Christmas. DD’s school goes (IMO) hugely over the top about the whole thing as well; we were receiving around 15 Christmas-based emails from them daily at one point this month, relating to panto trips, the PTA’s Winter Wonderland week (Buy this! Wear this! Send this in!) and various other events. We now have to split Christmas Day itself between two sets of elderly parents who both live locally, with the second set expecting a full Christmas dinner somehow to be provided despite us not having been at home for the entire morning as we’ve been visiting the first set. Both set of parents have always gone very OTT with Christmas presents and DD is an only child, so the volume of ‘stuff’ entering our small house at this time of year feels obscene and makes me feel stressed out and guilty, subsequently spending most of January decluttering and charity-shopping unwanted items.

For the last couple of years the things we’ve always enjoyed about Christmas have been drowned out by all the noise and stress (this year in particular we are all now exhausted and ill) but next year DP and I have already decided that we’re going to ‘reclaim Christmas’, try as far as we can to stay very low key and hopefully find some enjoyment and meaning in the season again.

I am so so glad it is over

Biggest pile of nonsense

I love gifting kind people

I love gifting my kids

That's it

The rest is madness
And I have felt on edge for one whole month worrying that I have not done enough

I started shopping in July ffs

Anyway
Lovely to have some down time and bring on 2026

I was just having this discussion with my DH. All these new ‘traditions’ put me off Christmas. Elf on the shelf leaves me feeling dead inside. I grew up in the 90s and would do one Christmassy outing - visiting Santa or carols and that’s it. We’d also bake on Xmas eve. Apart from that it was just presents and a meal. Can’t stand all this insane commercialism, it really puts me off Xmas.

I think that’s fair comment @LoveBeingAMum555 if things are usually chaotic or stressed at home, if he’s usually an arse hole, abusive or controlling things aren’t suddenly going to be perfect because it’s Christmas. If anything the increased financial pressures and busyness is going to heighten pre-existing behaviours. And who decides what perfect is anyway.

We never did many activities leading up to Christmas- after all kids are in school til just before. Maybe a trip to a Christmas village/market, a carol service (usually by the school) and of course the ritual of getting the tree. A few Christmas specials on the TV. During the week off we might go ice skating and visit a few relatives.
But I guess if people do Dec 1 boxes, Elf on the shelf, visit Santa, a pantomime etc then yes they are putting a lot of pressure on themselves. Christmas is a lot of work - that magic we remember from our childhood was our parents working hard to make it so!

My 85 year old Mum is baffled by it. She talks about a time when you prepared for Christmas on Christmas Eve, had a fantastic Christmas Day with luxuries like chocolates, Christmas pudding and turkey, had Boxing Day to recover then went back to work the day after, and that was it. Apparently when we were very small they put the tree and decorations up after we had gone to bed on Christmas Eve because it added to the excitement when we woke up on Christmas Day.

It breaks my heart to read some of the posts about ungrateful husbands and family dramas. I know that won't be a new thing but maybe we have all just lost the plot a bit and are chasing a reality that is not achievable.

@Liverpool52 & yet I didnt see any because I don’t use those sites. You are the audience.

One thing that stuck me yesterday was all the pictures on social media of children opening their gifts. It can't just be a quiet family day of gifts and nice food anymore, it has to be a big performance for social media. Leave the poor children to open their presents in peace without having to perform for the camera so parents can brag on social media as to how happy their children are because, newsflash, they probably aren't with the phone constantly stuck in their face recording every reaction to every gift.

A few years ago it was just pictures of piles of presents beneath the tree but now it's escalated to this.

I don’t do a huge run up. When the kids were little we’d do a visit to Santa in a local garden centre and a Santa steam train. Now we do a Panto and a Christmas market/lights. My Christmas shopping happens in December, the tree goes up mid-December. I’m not starting Christmas in October.

The time from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day is holiday time, we rest, see family and friends, bake and cook nice food. We have time to do it because nobody is at school or work, so can spend time together playing games, watching movies and doing crafts. It’s low key, family oriented and lasts for 8-10 days or so, not crammed into a month when everyone is working, knackered and full of the cold.

Yes you are absolutely right - the build up is so frenetic and extended that everyone is wrung out and exhausted by Christmas Day- adults and children alike. I purposely didn’t book any “Christmas experiences “ in the run up this year as there was already so much going on with community events, Christmas fayre and parties at cubs etc

I agree the build up can be horrendous. My primary school age childrens old school started the Christmas build up and show practices in mid November. Then the church show was over 3 mornings in mid December depending on the age group (anyone with 2 or more kids had to take a minimum of 2 mornings off to watch it). The kids absolutely hated it and 2 of mine refused to take part in the show because of it. They were tearful and overwhelmed by how much was being demanded of them as were many other kids. There current school keeps it all so low key and they have enjoyed it all. The show was simple and all years were at the same time. The kids loved it.

We dont do huge amounts in December. We did visit santa and an inflatable place but other than that we keep life fairly normal. Christmas dinner is a chilled affair and the kids can have what they want to eat rather than being expected to sit for ages over a meal they dont enjoy. Dh has been told given I ensure the Christmas magic happens that I expect a nice gift like my favourite perfume which I always get along with other nice gifts. I think the pressure to have a insta perfect Christmas is ridiculous. My tree will be up till early jan.

My dc have a similar Christmas to the one I had. They get excited when they finish school & then get really excited on Christmas Eve.

They see Santa in the days just before eg 22nd, we went to the cinema to watch a Christmas movie on the 24th and we are off to panto on Sunday. Why would you do any of that stuff in November.

I think social media has ramped it up in the past 10-15 years... things like Elf on the Shelf, winter wonderlands, Christmas Eve boxes adding on to older traditions. As the demand has gone up, the need to plan in advance goes up, so it escapes December and leeches further back into the autumn.

You don't have to do everything. Pick and choose what is meaningful to you.

This year I've enjoyed the DCs being older. Their expectactations are pretty realistic and they're happy to have had their short lists fulfilled, and they understand the value of them. They don't appreciate additional fluff, so there's no point in adding to the load of buying it in. We normally did one Christmassy activity/ day out, but they've outgrown that. I've enjoyed a carol service. I have some family/ friend visits to look forwards to still. We don't buy presents for adults in extended family because it quickly turns into tokenism- DH realised this the year of the mutual wine swap with his siblings. That takes a lot of pressure off. We're fortunate not to feel bound to a rigid set of routines that must be replicated every single year.

Do what adds (emotional) value, not just because other people do it.

That thread involving the thermostat is particularly heart-breaking.

I think you are right. I feel like so much of our culture nowadays is built around looking forward to the next thing and getting ready for that ( and all the spending that comes with it), rather than just being in and enjoying the present moment.

My son’s birthday is at the end of November and there were already loads of Christmas events going on near us on his birthday and places decked out for Christmas already. There is a lot of pressure and expectation to provide children with a full roster of Christmas-themed events throughout December- lights shows, Christmas markets, ice skating, fun fairs, crafts, Santa ‘experiences’ - non longer just popping in the a little make-shift grotto in a shopping centre. It can be exhausting and stressful. We’ve not done the whole hog this year as my eldest is still only just 3 and doesn’t expect too much, but I think next year he will be much more aware of just how much is going on and will notice if we miss anything.

And I’m sure when we venture out today on this , the second day of Christmas, we will see a fair few discarded Christmas trees already awaiting collection by the council refuse department. Whenever I hear from people who take the tree down early, it’s always the same reason ‘I’m sick of it all now, want to get the house back to normal ready for new year’ - again, all the looking forward again. My social media is already full of ‘new year, new me’ adverts for meal planning services, workout apps, etc etc.

My partner is Spanish and we are heading there in a couple of days. Christmas will still be in full swing - and there this means families relaxing and spending time together, decorations still up, good food being consumed. It only ends after Epiphany on 6th January and the visit of the three kings. I really love that we have the chance to fully experience the twelve days there as here I feel like an oddball when we keep the decorations up and keep our Christmas jumpers on past this week.

I got sucked into all the December events when my kids were little and burnt myself out. I now forward plan very little in December, and am back to enjoying the ‘main event’ from Christmas to after New Year.