Over stimulation or Christmas ruined by overcommercialised, high expectation December?

The thing is, a few people have said that this is partly down to schools but I remember being in our primary school’s PTA and having a few people suggest that we do a Christmas fair. I said no because our school really did Christmas well (to the point of being a bit relentless) and I had no weekends free between half term and the Christmas holidays.

This stuff is driven by the parents’ demand as much as anything else. If anyone else is doing a thing then they must do it too.

Definitely this. It’s also getting harder & harder to avoid it. It’s like a huge intoxication of Christmas stuff from November onwards. The UK seems indoctrinated. Even finding normal food in shops gets tricky: Christmas tree crumpets, anyone? I find it all in poor taste.

I think a lot of people don't go overboard, but maybe it's not as obvious as people who go all out and shout about it?

Dc are primary school age. We didn't do any paid for extras before Christmas, but I still felt fairly exhausted by yesterday with the Christmas school events, buying and wrapping gifts, decorating (never til early Dec), and family visiting. Dc up early on Christmas day left me really tired!

We have panto booked before NY, but otherwise taking the next few days to chill out at home/ go for walks etc. I made sure we have a down day in between doing things so no one gets too tired. Kids haven't been dressed for 2 days now though and feel the need to do something tmrw as I get cabin fever!

I don’t know about this. I’ve had fantastic Christmases in recent years, nowhere near as stressed as my family Christmases when I was a kid.

I remember being totally overwhelmed by Christmas ever year when I was a kid back in the 80s. We didn’t have a huge long build up, but it was the only time I was going to get toys other than my birthday. So if they missed the mark I was hugely disappointed. And even when they weee good (which was most of the time) I was still tired from not sleeping, over fed and over heated. Grown ups were pleased to interact at first but by the time we had had dinner they were tipsy and soporific and not eyeing the washing up with any enthusiasm. Not to mention the nasty single relative or friend who always seemed to be invited.

Things massively improved in the 90s when we were better able to travel for shorter stays, get in ready prepped food, more people got dishwashers and my parents’ generation started hosting and not inviting the relatives and friends who made it all difficult.

I was having similar thoughts about Easter becoming more commercial. I don't think having one magical time per year (even if some try to stretch it to 2 months) is a good thing. It's probably better to have say 3 or 4 smaller seasonal events throughout the year rather than a build up to a single day. Spread the joy amongst some different things.

Just because it all starts in November doesn’t mean you have to buy into it if you have a mind of your own.

Our tree went up on Saturday with all the old decorations. It will come down just before 12th night. We had a few presents but not over the top. No Christmas fairs or special events just nice food and seeing a few friends. It’s all been very low key and probably the best Christmas I’ve had in a few years.

I’ve purposely only been to Waitrose a few times and stayed out of the shops to stay away from the frenzy because I cannot stand the chaos and excessive waste.

So true! We went to a theme park on the 2nd of Nov which was still full-pumpkin and it felt very firmly autumnal still. No fake snow to be seen.

I haven’t RTFT but I really agree with you. We had a crap Christmas last year for all the reasons you gave. The kids were overexcited, overstimulated and utterly, utterly exhausted. That’s because December had in itself been a flipping event. We’d gone to every fair, party, Santa experience, etc - along with all the excitement of school, nativity plays etc.

This year I vowed to learn from my mistakes and I scaled everything right back in December. No Santa visits. No unnecessary parties. No stupid Elf. We did still enjoy the season by looking at lights and trees and so on. It’s been like night and day - and so much more joyful. We all actually enjoyed Christmas Day rather than spending it fielding meltdowns and screaming fits.

As an aside, one thing to be said for the over-commercialisation of Halloween is that at least it acts as a sort of retail dam holding back the worst commercial excesses of Christmas until 1 November.

or that's what lazy parents say 😂

Nobody expects their children to just loll around at home, read, draw, watch TV sadly when you see the rate of obesity in this country, that's what too many do. Nothing.

YANBU at all. I said this on another thread (apparently it was "sad") but we didn't do some of the usual things we would in December. No trip to the garden centre in late Nov (too busy otherwise) to get a decoration, no Santa visit as DS7 is a bit too old, no driving ages to get to National Trusts when DS was just as happy in the park with a football and no trip to Longleat for the light festival (used to be members). Our Christmas Day was lovely but we just treated it as a Sunday with presents and some nicer food. Fortunately we had a couple of normal birthday parties and DS had some football matches which just made December feel like a usual month. It has massively helped with that flat feeling today.

I agree. I think people are generally more miserable and more poor than they used to be and trying to keep things fun. Im almost always sick by Christmas day as Im so burnt out and exhausted.

Duplicate post

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

I think you've summed it up well here

When my children were children, we'd go akd see Father Christmas, put the tree up and spend the couple of says believe Christmas Day (in the holidays) doing Christmas crafts and we sometimes went to a NT property that was decorated for chiramtas or had reindeer to see but, otherwise, December was just another month.

I see parents of younger children now filling days, weekends and evenings with "festive fun" and it just seems like an awful lot.

I'm a teacher and, to be quite honest, by the time the Christmas holidays come, I'm all Christmassed out.

I've just said to DH that I'm not "buying into" the commercial Christmas anymore. It's just too much, and I want to reclaim a quiet family day again.

I agree to a certain extent.
But it’s in our hands isn’t it ? We should do what we feel makes us happy not conform to expectations.
why do we feel so pressurised ?
Also, the stories of abusive partners etc that’s not because or just at Christmas it’s likely all year it’s just Christmas is a time when we expect or think things will change. Well they won’t. Don’t need Christmas to tell anyone Partner or husband is a d”ck !
Ive been fortunate but those with other stories need to reevaluate their relationships.

I think on top of SM, part of the issue is that pare ts feel their children have to be entertained constantly when they're out of school for a few days, or even at weekends. This tendency goes on steroids in December.

Kids are overloaded with activities even at the best of times - clubs, sports, after school activities. They are taken to soft play places and other entertainment at weekends. Nobody expects their children to just loll around at home, read, draw, watch TV, kick a ball around a garden for hours. People think boredom is a curse that must be avoided at all costs. Boredom is much better for children than constant entertainment.

I have pictures of my grand-parents and parents opening their gifts on Christmas day 😂

Social Media is new, but taking photo is not. No way is any poster old enough that cameras and photos were not a thing when they were little

I've never done any of the hoopla that is now de rigeur, and never will.

We start Christmas on Christmas Eve. There are no fancy Advent calendars, no panto trips (panto isn't a thing where I live anyway, but we've never been to the Nutcracker, which is popular here). No Elf, no December 1st boxes, no matching pajamas, no Christmas Eve boxes, no wreath making workshops, no visits to Santa. I did take the DCs to a local mall where they had a kiddie train ride thing once or twice. Someone in the DCs' school once tried to make St Nicholas' Day a Thing, but it fizzled out.

I've always tried to keep to the religious meaning of the day (we are RC), and the DCs were in the parish children's choir and took part in Christmas liturgy - bell ringing, processing with candles, etc.

We live in a very diverse area and there isn't the pressure to conform to anyone else's idea of what Christmas should be. Kids are conscious that everyone has their own family and their own cultural traditions, and that not everyone even celebrates Christmas, and the surroundign culture isn't one of conspicuous consumption.

Nobody I know lives their life on SM either. I agree with PPs who have said that social media has a lot to answer for.

(Ed for spelling)

You need more context? Fine. We all had been unwell before and during the weekend, so my usual pace of cleaning was extremely slow because I was still not feeling well on top of all the extra washing etc because nobody had been available to clean for days! My house is not generally in a state that it needs 2 days cleaning to be habitable cheers. I only moved in at the end of October and my son only finished chemotherapy 2 weeks ago so I’ve barely been in a house that I’ve just moved into so there was a lot of stuff yet unpacked that needed moved and sorted on top of cleaning! Nobody martyred themselves, I did my best in a really difficult situation and I’m not complaining, more explaining why I’m exhausted, in the context of this thread which is about people being overstimulated and tired at Christmas.

Agree, shame for the kids they have no privacy at all its pathetic.
Just because the parents want validation.

Saw this my kids got everything they wanted and more. Im so lucky with my children.
Look at the camera darling this way.
Absolutely desperate its sad.

When I had a toddler I sewed a patchwork advent calendar. I filled each pocket with a little note of something special to do. Most of the activities were very simple, and often added that morning, and a few were bigger things like a performance, or visiting reindeer. It was a nice way to make the season magical. We started Christmas eve boxes about 8 years ago. The first one had a projector and some snacks in it. Every year since, we've watched a Christmas film on it, and had something for baking and something cosy (waterbottle, fluffy socks etc) and a special decoration for the tree.

Christmas day is very relaxed, we eat anything we want, and not necessarily Christmas dinner. We stopped the Advent activities by the teen years, but still go on a trip to a market each year and enjoy the hotel. We spend time together on Christmas as a little family, and don't see any relatives and that's removed the biggest stress of all. It's just calm and relaxed. I had to assert boundaries there and it caused upset with my narc relative, but our peace is too important to have it trampled over on Christmas.

I feel bombarded by the shops filling up with Christmas things from September and think it's ridiculous. I noticed that so much of it was still on the shelves right before Christmas too, the shops are trying to force it upon us but we don't want it.

Christmas can be a funny melancholy time.

I sorted my gifts in November to avoid the stress of a last minute panic. We eat out on Christmas Day to remove another stress. Toys are minimal for our child, and the pile under the tree from Santa is bulked out by consumables that won’t take over our house forever: play doh, craft supplies, fun bubble baths and foams, baking supplies and so on. Our decorations are hand made every year- just simple paper chains, paper lanterns and snowflakes- all things that can be taken down and recycled. We only have one box of Christmas decorations that are kept for each year.

In short we try our best to keep Christmas fairly minimal and as stress free as possible, while still retaining the magic we felt ourselves as children. Despite our efforts there is always an element of stress that’s part and parcel of the season. We eat out but we still like to get nice food and festive snacks in for the Christmas period- the shops were bonkers so I just had to grit my teeth and get through it. We’ve all had a bit of a cold which hasn’t helped things. And no matter how low-key you make it, Christmas is always going to be a bit overwhelming for little kids. We do all the usual stuff through December that builds them up and is guaranteed to make their brains short-circuit eventually: advent calendar, posting a letter to Santa, Santa’s grotto, Christmas movies, nursery Christmas party, a walk round the town’s Christmas lights with a hot chocolate, nursery nativity, baking biscuits for Santa and so on. We do as much as we can in the second half of December and try not to fill the whole month with nothing but Christmas things and what we do is similar to what I remember as a child which wasn’t over the top by any means, but it’s a lot for little people no matter what you do.

I absolutely love Christmas and the whole festive period.

But we never do even half of the stuff that posters on here deem essential. We don't do presents, we don't host (or expect to be hosted), we don't force ourselves along to Christmas markets, or light trails, and don't spend hours decorating or cooking or cleaning.

I'll get shot down for this, but I think the reason so many people have rubbish Christmas Days' is because they build up massively unrealistic expectations in their heads, expect everyone else to conform and then get upset when it doesn't happen.

There was a thread on Christmas Eve about a man who wanted to take 90 minutes out of the day to go to the gym, and going by the responses, you'd think that he'd decided to go to a strip club for 9 hours straight - it was insane.

1. youre only reading the worst of it because people who have nice normal boring Christmases aren’t going to make posts about it.
2. Just because social media is full of that bullshit doesn’t mean you have to participate in it.