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Original poster

Over stimulation or Christmas ruined by overcommercialised, high expectation December?

110 replies

Didyoujust · 26/12/2025 09:50

There are so many posts this year about awful Christmas Days. Arguments. Meltdowns. Short tempers. Dislike of gifts. Dislike and intolerance of others. Making exceptions for teens (they don't have to join in).

Are we misdiagnosing the problem?

December has become the main event. Weeks of activities, experiences, pressure and expectation, mostly driven by adults. We do more and more, expect more and more, and then act surprised when tolerance is gone.

By Christmas Day, many children are not overstimulated. They are tired, just tired and worn out. And many adults are too. Short tempered. Less patient. Less able to meet their children’s needs because their own capacity has already been used up.

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

So when we ask why the joy is missing, it might be worth asking whether we exhausted it ourselves.

Should we re-evaluate and scale back December?

OP posts:
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mathanxiety · 28/12/2025 07:25

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 27/12/2025 16:53

Obesity comes from eating far too much of the wrong foods.

Not necessarily. It can come from eating slightly too much of healthy foods over a sustained period of time. It doesn't take much to overeat to the tune of a 1lb weight gain a month, especially if you have health problems that limit exercise, but over a year that's the best part of a stone, and if you continue on that course, you will end in the obese category.

I'm not saying, of course, that no one is obese through eating greatly to excess or eating very unhealthy foods, but the stereotype of the fat person eating McDonalds three times a day every day should be challenged because that's often far from the truth.

I am currently a healthy weight, but I gain if I eat more than about 1400 calories a day. That's not a lot of food in the scheme of things.

Presumably you're not a growing child...

CruCru · 27/12/2025 18:34

WhatNoRaisins · 27/12/2025 08:22

I remember doing Christmas things at school, Nativity, Christmas lunch, school fayre but I think that ability for schools to instantly message parents is a bit of a blessing and a curse. I don't think my mother had anything like the amount of requests as we do.

Yep - apart from anything else it would be embarrassing to list all the stuff they want in one letter that goes home.

CruCru · 27/12/2025 18:32

TidyCyan · 26/12/2025 21:38

I don't know - Christmas Fair/Nativity/disco, yes, but I could do without Christmas Jumper Day, donating gifts for the kids to wrap for family members in aid of the PTA and a sponsored Reindeer Run (running in antlers) complete with old-school paper sponsorship form.

Show quote history

Oh God - that sounds awful. We didn’t do that stuff (although the school did Christmas jumper day for their chosen charity).

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 27/12/2025 16:53

Obesity comes from eating far too much of the wrong foods.

Not necessarily. It can come from eating slightly too much of healthy foods over a sustained period of time. It doesn't take much to overeat to the tune of a 1lb weight gain a month, especially if you have health problems that limit exercise, but over a year that's the best part of a stone, and if you continue on that course, you will end in the obese category.

I'm not saying, of course, that no one is obese through eating greatly to excess or eating very unhealthy foods, but the stereotype of the fat person eating McDonalds three times a day every day should be challenged because that's often far from the truth.

I am currently a healthy weight, but I gain if I eat more than about 1400 calories a day. That's not a lot of food in the scheme of things.

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 14:54

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 18:40

or that's what lazy parents say 😂

Nobody expects their children to just loll around at home, read, draw, watch TV sadly when you see the rate of obesity in this country, that's what too many do. Nothing.

Show quote history

Obesity comes from eating far too much of the wrong foods.

I'd call parents who don't jam pack their kids' days and who don't spend weekends schlepping them to this venue or that 'sensible', not lazy. Clearly, there's a huge cultural expectation to avoid being seen as a slacker parent, and I'd suggest this is part of the problem.

You're not seeing the kids who are fit and trim and who spend their free time at home doing whatever is available to them there. They're not out and about at all the pantos and Santa events, etc, so it may be hard to believe they exist.

Yodeldodeldo · 27/12/2025 14:11

Two episodes of eastenders on xmas day, don't watch it but from the synopsis it's all about another big punch up in the queen vic. Who wants to watch that on Xmas day? Is this inspiring or what? I'd rather watch ET for the 15th time.

I think if you have a dysfunctional family dynamic you just cannot hide from it on Xmas day. I had some utterly shit childhood Xmas's and am so grateful for my little family. I hope that people who have had an abusive Xmas plan their exit routes, and I really hope any children in these families grow up and choose to make a new family for themselves and have many peaceful happy Christmases. It took me years to not dread Christmas

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/12/2025 13:57

whatcanthematterbe81 · 27/12/2025 12:42

Sorry I quoted the wrong post. There was one that asked for experience of a mad run up the chilled Christmas. Doesn’t make sense that I replied to yours 😂

No problem, I did think yours sounded the opposite of mine but different strokes for different folks. It sounds like you had a lovely time.

NormasArse · 27/12/2025 12:48

Didyoujust · 26/12/2025 09:50

There are so many posts this year about awful Christmas Days. Arguments. Meltdowns. Short tempers. Dislike of gifts. Dislike and intolerance of others. Making exceptions for teens (they don't have to join in).

Are we misdiagnosing the problem?

December has become the main event. Weeks of activities, experiences, pressure and expectation, mostly driven by adults. We do more and more, expect more and more, and then act surprised when tolerance is gone.

By Christmas Day, many children are not overstimulated. They are tired, just tired and worn out. And many adults are too. Short tempered. Less patient. Less able to meet their children’s needs because their own capacity has already been used up.

Christmas Day now feels like the end of Christmas, not the heart of it. We have spent all the energy getting there.

So when we ask why the joy is missing, it might be worth asking whether we exhausted it ourselves.

Should we re-evaluate and scale back December?

Absolutely!!

Oioiqueen · 27/12/2025 12:47

I really noticed this year that our children were really emotionally
on edge and hyped up come the last day of school. The after school restraint collapse really was something all that last week. I know they crammed tons into the last week with nativity, special treats, parties, Santa dashes, end of term awards, Christmas services at church etc. The first few days of the holiday it was "what are we doing today" every 5 minutes like they needed to be doing something. This is not like my children who are happy enough going with the flow as long as they get some time physically to burn off energy each day. We took it easy and just chilled with no expectations, by Christmas eve I could see they had finally wound down enough to be sat quietly with a book or some lego. I'm glad we didn't fill our days beforehand with things to do and just allowed them to be bored and wind down at their own pace. As a result Christmas day was lovely and so many nice memories to treasure.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 27/12/2025 12:42

Sorry I quoted the wrong post. There was one that asked for experience of a mad run up the chilled Christmas. Doesn’t make sense that I replied to yours 😂

whatcanthematterbe81 · 27/12/2025 12:41

Jellycatspyjamas · 26/12/2025 11:10

I don’t do a huge run up. When the kids were little we’d do a visit to Santa in a local garden centre and a Santa steam train. Now we do a Panto and a Christmas market/lights. My Christmas shopping happens in December, the tree goes up mid-December. I’m not starting Christmas in October.

The time from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day is holiday time, we rest, see family and friends, bake and cook nice food. We have time to do it because nobody is at school or work, so can spend time together playing games, watching movies and doing crafts. It’s low key, family oriented and lasts for 8-10 days or so, not crammed into a month when everyone is working, knackered and full of the cold.

Me. We’ve done so much in December (and loved every minute of it) and I always make sure the actual day is chilled with no ridiculous expectations like tables that take ages to set with all that decoration and 19 different tables clothes etc when it’s gonna be ruined in 5 mins anyway. We are a simple roast dinner that doesn’t take an age to make and we manage the most chilled Xmas with our kids and other family (kids are 5 and 7 so not exactly known as the chilled ages)

Flowers1985 · 27/12/2025 11:22

TidyCyan · 26/12/2025 18:35

YANBU at all. I said this on another thread (apparently it was "sad") but we didn't do some of the usual things we would in December. No trip to the garden centre in late Nov (too busy otherwise) to get a decoration, no Santa visit as DS7 is a bit too old, no driving ages to get to National Trusts when DS was just as happy in the park with a football and no trip to Longleat for the light festival (used to be members). Our Christmas Day was lovely but we just treated it as a Sunday with presents and some nicer food. Fortunately we had a couple of normal birthday parties and DS had some football matches which just made December feel like a usual month. It has massively helped with that flat feeling today.

I think 7 is still so young defo not to old for santa

PollyBell · 27/12/2025 10:27

No not buying it, thetr is the word no parents can try it sometime

Fundays12 · 27/12/2025 10:25

Didyoujust · 27/12/2025 07:59

Schools have always had a ‘list’ of things to do though. It is all of the commercial extras I was thinking about, combined with the pressure on families to do it all.

December (and even November in some cases) has become Christmas.

Some schools are far more pushy than others about it. My kids last school pushes Christmas so much from mid November Christmas was ruined by it. It was all about "look at us" events. There current school has a lovely low key run up to it. The kids and staff enjoyed it..

Joeylove88 · 27/12/2025 09:49

I have to admit I actually enjoy the run up to Christmas almost as much as Christmas itself. I just set boundaries so I dont get a Christmas tree or decorate until 1st December and DD gets to join in and enjoy Christmas lights for the month, we only go to 1 Christmassy event and at a decent price not something that costs the earth, no Xmas parties with work or friends but I did a lovely wreath making workshop with my colleagues at the end of November that was chilled and fun, also had a couple of relaxed Christmassy gatherings with my closest friends all with babies/yound kids, no constant excessive eating until actual Christmas there's no need, wearing Christmas jumpers to work/DD wearing Christmas jumpers/dresses in December.

Edited to add i also tend to start buying Xmas presents alot earlier (think start of October) so there's no mad rush and I can do it as I go along.

It can be a lot of fun if you dont commit to too much stuff and its a way of fitting in seeing everyone without worrying about cramming it all between Xmas and new year. I feel like new years day is when Christmas is truly over and we are all starting again but in a nice way.

Original poster
Didyoujust · 27/12/2025 08:51

OttersMayHaveShifted · 27/12/2025 08:23

I actually think YABU. Imo, how people handle Christmas is mostly just an indication of how they handle life generally, but just a little magnified by a special occasion. These husbands who are being lazy, selfish, inconsiderate or abusive didn't suddenly get like that for Christmas. Ditto grumpy, stroppy, uncommunicative, ungrateful teenagers.

But how you handle the run-up to Christmas is well within your control. It's no good waiting for society as a whole to come to the conclusion we need to scale back- that's not going to happen, because influencers mainstream media and companies depend on the whole December juggernaut. Just opt out of the month-long festivities yourself. It's not that hard!

I suppose I was thinking of all the threads on here, about the misery of a stressful Christmas Day, including those where children have been overwhelmed, some linked to mental health or neuro diversity, reflecting that perhaps our intolerance of others is much less just because we are all so tired.

Tiredness created by such a full on December. Yes, we can opt out, (we do and Christmas Day and the days since have been very Christmassy’ and relaxing family time) but do the pressures allow that?

Not really MH or SEND issues (as I said diagnosed SEND excepted), just tired, which means, intolerant, shirt tempered, less social, ungrateful, disappointed.

OP posts:
WinterFreezingCold · 27/12/2025 08:45

Incessant buying and a pressure to conform to the culture of consuming both goods and services in December are being sold as a 'fix' and replacement for the lack of real connections. Which, ironically, suffer because of these in the first place... It's nothing new really, but I agree it is getting worse.

daisychain01 · 27/12/2025 08:33

Daisymay8 · 26/12/2025 10:01

The build up is driven by shopping imv-the longer they can advertise and push products the more money will be spent

Before internet-enabled smart phones, Christmas shopping would be when the shops started selling Christmas food and tinsel. Add Christmas to Black Friday (which used to be the last Friday of November to coincide with US Thanksgiving, but now starting in early November) and the Christmas season starts a month earlier. It's relentless and pernicious.

Pedallleur · 27/12/2025 08:26

Daisymay8 · 26/12/2025 10:01

The build up is driven by shopping imv-the longer they can advertise and push products the more money will be spent

This. Every ad shows happy families and couples laughing around a groaning table. Presents are piled high and there isn't any mess/arguing.

OttersMayHaveShifted · 27/12/2025 08:23

I actually think YABU. Imo, how people handle Christmas is mostly just an indication of how they handle life generally, but just a little magnified by a special occasion. These husbands who are being lazy, selfish, inconsiderate or abusive didn't suddenly get like that for Christmas. Ditto grumpy, stroppy, uncommunicative, ungrateful teenagers.

But how you handle the run-up to Christmas is well within your control. It's no good waiting for society as a whole to come to the conclusion we need to scale back- that's not going to happen, because influencers mainstream media and companies depend on the whole December juggernaut. Just opt out of the month-long festivities yourself. It's not that hard!

WhatNoRaisins · 27/12/2025 08:22

I remember doing Christmas things at school, Nativity, Christmas lunch, school fayre but I think that ability for schools to instantly message parents is a bit of a blessing and a curse. I don't think my mother had anything like the amount of requests as we do.

bruffin · 27/12/2025 08:14

Didyoujust · 27/12/2025 07:59

Schools have always had a ‘list’ of things to do though. It is all of the commercial extras I was thinking about, combined with the pressure on families to do it all.

December (and even November in some cases) has become Christmas.

No idea where yoqthere is no pressure, just the pressure you make yourself.

Londonrach1 · 27/12/2025 08:05

Christmas is what you make it. We don't have much money so DD got a £30 present and that's it from us and clothes from family. The other children got one similar priced item from their parents. We had a lovely meal together with extended family, no alcohol or chocolate as limited money this year. Went for a walk and played games. Lots of laughter. It was a relaxing Christmas. No arguments, no one over stimulated. The only thing I'd have loved is to have had a glass of wine but as no one was drinking it wasnt important. None of us over eat.

Original poster
Didyoujust · 27/12/2025 07:59

Schools have always had a ‘list’ of things to do though. It is all of the commercial extras I was thinking about, combined with the pressure on families to do it all.

December (and even November in some cases) has become Christmas.

OP posts:
TidyCyan · 26/12/2025 21:38

CruCru · 26/12/2025 21:30

The thing is, a few people have said that this is partly down to schools but I remember being in our primary school’s PTA and having a few people suggest that we do a Christmas fair. I said no because our school really did Christmas well (to the point of being a bit relentless) and I had no weekends free between half term and the Christmas holidays.

This stuff is driven by the parents’ demand as much as anything else. If anyone else is doing a thing then they must do it too.

I don't know - Christmas Fair/Nativity/disco, yes, but I could do without Christmas Jumper Day, donating gifts for the kids to wrap for family members in aid of the PTA and a sponsored Reindeer Run (running in antlers) complete with old-school paper sponsorship form.