Don't want him at my scan

Nope, it’s your medical appointment, no one else has any right to be there if not specifically invited by you, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to have anyone else present. A man who doesn’t want to be a father isn’t going to bond with a child through a computer screen.

This
He is the baby's father and is probably shaken by everything.
You need to give him and the relationship a chance

I feel sorry for the baby, having parents like you to.

So you're already 20 or so weeks i wouldnt think hed be trying to persuade you to terminate at this point?

Its very different to earlier stage conversations about the decision. At this point hes presumably accepted there will be a baby and wants to be involved if hes asking to come to the scan.

If you want him to be involved, then why not encourage him by inviting him to the scan? If you don’t want him around, that’s ok too, it’s your body, your medical appointment.
It sounds as if he is trying to engage, isn’t that why he wants to come to the scan?
This is a long term thing, best to try to make decisions based on how you want things to be going forward.

It doesn’t make any sense. If he doesn’t want you to have the baby why would he want to see the baby at a scan? Is he planning to sit beside you, watch it wiggling around in your uterus and tell you it shouldn’t exist? Does he not realise how odd it sounds?

If it were me ( importantly it’s not, it’s you) I would let him come to the scan, as he has asked, in the hope it would make the situation real for him and maybe give him the kick up the arse he so clearly needs. It’s all a bit abstract for men at the beginning, very different for women who are actually carrying the baby. If he’s still being a dick afterwards then I would distance myself with as clean a break as I could and focus on myself and the baby.

I’m not sure why you’re engaging with him at all. He’s made his decision, so have you. Tell him when the baby is born but you owe him nothing beyond that. Don’t compromise on anything (including the baby’s names) because he will quite happily get you to compromise and still walk away.

And yet he wants to be at the scan? That’s engagement of a sort isn’t it?

How does someone get pregnant by accident, with all the contraception we have now.

How does a man be so selfish he dosent want to coparent. Has he no respect to the unborn child?

He’s an arse. Time is ticking - I’d be thinking very carefully about being tied to him for the next 18+ years, especially if you’re young.

No do not let him at the scan OR the other appointments and definately NOT at the birth. Its your body not his.

I would let him personally. It might give more chance of him bonding quickly with the baby being involved at this stage.
However that being said, its your medical appointment and completely your choice, so if it would ruin it for you or cause too much stress thats completely your decision to make.

Stop thinking about what he wants and is requesting and think about what you want.

Hes messed you about and disrespected you and you can’t trust him to be consistent.

Move forward not being in a relationship, expecting to do this alone and tell him he will be given all info about the baby but he needs to respect that it’s your decision not to have him at the medial appointments.

If he doesn't want the baby, why does he want to be at the scan? It's totally your choice whether to have him there or not, I'd say not if its going to make you stressed and upset. You can always get an extra scan picture for him.

Given his attitude to the baby I wouldn't want him at the scan and I would be dubious about his motives for saying he wants to be there.
Given what he has said about wanting to be with you but not with your child I would end the relationship. Plan your life according to what is best for you and your child and only expect him to contribute financially.

Please don't take him back. I can pretty much guarantee you that he will just bring you difficulties that you don't need to invite into your life. If he becomes interested in parenting, you can see how that goes, but to my mind, he's already demonstrated that he is not 'partner material'.

@thesa the scan is your medical appointment and he has no right to be there or at any appointments nor the birth.
However if he is going to be an involved parent he will need to bond with your dc and that for the 1st 3 months will need to be little and often (an hour or so every couple of days) at your home with you in the home but not necessarily in the same room and then over the next few months building up that time until he can take dc out for a couple of hours without you, and then slowly building up to whole days, overnights shouldn't happen until dc is atleast a year old.
You need to find a way for you to be ok with that and ti be firm with him on those boundaries ie no taking a new born away from its mum to visit his family/friends/new partner and him not bringing anyone to your home to "help" him parent at all and only bringing agreed people at agreed times to meet dc.
You also have to think about whether to put him on the birth certificate or not (assuming that he wants on it) if you think that he will be awkward or difficult about you holding to the reasonable boundaries of not separating a new born from its mum or not having overnight visits until atleast 1 year old (which are in the best interest of the baby) then dont put him on the birth certificate, let him take you to crt to gain parental responsibilities. As long as you've offered sensible contact hes not going to get more contact than you have offered. The courts tend to look very unfavourable on men trying to demand full days out or overnight access to a child under 12 months, and without having spent the time with mum in the house to build up that necessary bond because they aren't putting the child's needs 1st.
Right now you need to prioritise your mental and physical health and if that means excluding him from your baby related medical appointments and even the delivery then do so, but you will need to talk to him about the future and find a way to co-parent amicably (if possible) for the next 18 years

What am i reading....

Stop shagging / messaging/ "having a relationship with him".

Pour your energy into yourself and the baby you are about to have totally unsupported....

Presumably this is your first child... not to be negative asy kids are the best thing to happen to me... but I had a husband and my mum and newborn phase was one of the hardest periods of my life.

Go to the scan alone.... he is just headwrecking you with this BS

You are about to be a mother you dont have time for this clown....

Then no need to be at the scan of the baby he doesn’t want

On that note I’d stop engaging with him

Your medical appointment. Your body.

it’s not a public event.

you have only whom you want there.

you might like to give him a copy of the picture if he is interested - but you are not obligated to.

don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to

your body - your birth - your decision.