A and B are siblings
C is married to B
A&Bs parents were fairly strict around things like sugar, crisps, screen time.
C really appreciates the impact this has had on B.
C had completely unrestricted access to sweets, crisps, screens etc and when he was older alcohol too.
He thinks this makes it much harder for him to regulate as an adult, his nervous system being used to and looking for the "highs".
C wishes he'd had more boundaries as a child like B did.
But speaking to A, it turns out the same parenting had the opposite impact, and when A became an adult he overindulged in sugary drinks, computer games etc until he realised for himself 10-15 years later the impact it was having on his health.
B didn't ever feel overly restricted and understood the reasons why the rules were in place, and was never particularly bothered by sweets/screens etc as an adult, but clearly A did feel overly restricted and rebelled.
It just made me totally confused about what the right thing to do is as parents! Ultimately made me realise that no matter how we are parented, there are some things that we just need to take responsibility for as adults and on the flip side we can't look to our parenting as a way of trying to mitigate every pain point or self reflection a child might have to do in the future. It made all the thinking we did around sleep training vs co sleeping , nursery vs SAHM etc etc seem a bit pointless, and ultimately "we probably messed something up so here are some skills on how to find resources to help yourself" is the most helpful thing.