Am I a strict, unreasonable mum to 15 year old DS?

More than an hour a day is a waste of time when he could be doing something productive - learning music, playing sport, reading, volunteering, for example.

This was our approach with DS who is autistic. The screen was the only thing that helped him regulate. We had a ‘everything’ switch off time of 11pm where we would all go to bed but he was free to use his screens at any time for any length of time before that. Far from being damaging to him it actually just gave him the comfort and space he needed. It worked for him and he now has a first class honours degree in a related area. I know it isn’t the right way for all teenagers but for some it actually can be far more beneficial to allow them the time than not.

What’s your other thread about that you wouldn’t want it linked to this??!

I didn’t set boundaries around gaming but I did have rules on other stuff - revision, chores etc.

he didn’t have much time for gaming in term time and in the summer he mostly preferred to be outside or at friends houses, so honestly big picture I didn’t care.

he stopped doing it at uni which was about when everyone else stopped.

Ive always been strict on this and as such i dont need to be so much now. Only my youngest (16) really games but he plays sport and an instrument so actually has limited time to play. The 'deal' we have is i trust him.to set boundaries but if i think hes on it too much or staying up too late or its impacting revision/other hobbies then i will intervene.

This works for us as the starting point is a conversation e.g the other day he played a lot so i raised it at dinner and he had just bought a new game. After a couple of intense days he was back to usual so i accepted that as a one off.

Would they be open to setting boundaries WITH you rather you imposing? Discuss what you both think and meet in the middle?

And even if we did

is this really a thread you’d be worried about being attached to you??

I have a 16yo DS. I don't set screen time limits for him, but he does lots of other stuff as well - plays football, earns a bit of money refereeing, plays in a band, meets his friends, does his homework. So I don't mind him spending his spare time gaming. Does your DS have other interests that you could encourage?

Yeah this. WE DON'T KNOW YOU. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR NAME

My 15yo is probably a slightly different situation as he’s autistic, attends an SEN placement and his social battery is much lower. He uses ‘gaming’ as decompression / being in a world he can control and knows the rules etc. we don’t limit him at all and he has learnt self regulation to a point. He often watches YouTube - but it’s on his niche, special interest topics. He plays his PC a lot, but often on chess or historical / battle / strategy games which has taught him a lot of skills and knowledge and he will sometimes play smash up games on the PS or VR but he’s often online with friends, socialising and jumping about the place. I see no harm in any of it considering he manages school full time, has no interest in any of the usual social media platforms, gets good marks, attends a club 5 hours a week, swims and walks about 20 miles per week. When he gets bored he comes and looks for something else to do or just listens to music!

edit to add as above - he sleeps really well, eats all meals with us and showers daily and looks after himself. I think if all basic tasks are completed, there is variety in the rest of life, fighting over gaming just isn’t worth it. You aren’t going to be there forever to police it so they need to learn how to do it themselves.

It’s a quid pro quo

so he has a stake in the ground of no more than 5 hours a day
but he’s doing 3.5 hours solid revision day this holiday
a long dog walk every day
eats all meals at the table with family
and during term time he’s in A team rugby and swim team

so I’m tentatively comfortable with it all

Its not as much how long they spend on it thats the issue, its what else is not part of their life that should be the focus.

Ultimately, it's the norm for kids of that age to be on it for most of day. As long as they still have a mind on their future to some extent, be it studying, having a part time job, or doing activities.

Those who do usually get out of wanting to be gaming all day by the time they are 18 or so. They even get bored of it. It's when their life still revolve around it in their young 20s that is a real concern.

I have a 16yo.
If there's no homework to be done, anything less than 5hrs gaming time is definitely cruel, unreasonable and tantamount to torture. I have occasionally allowed up to 7hrs when there's been some particularly stressful time recently and recovery time is needed. I usually try to ensure that it's no more than 2hrs at a time and extol the virtues of having a bit of variety in the day with a walk outside or sending them on a shopping errand. Even just switching to watching tv for a bit to give the fingers a rest is encouraged

I think as long as any necessary tasks are done, they are sleeping enough and there are no mental health issues that would benefit from being switched off of the internet then I’d leave them to it, especially during holidays when they need some down time.

I’d expect them to wash themselves, eat 3 meals, make sure there’s nothing that would classify as a bio-hazard in their room, engage for a little bit each day with the other humans in the house preferably over a meal and do any required schoolwork. But that’s about it during the holidays.

We constantly get them down to help, play board games and go places, also they’ve projects and homework due (not making hem do that for a few days obv!!!) . Realised a few years ago if you don’t parent a teen as you would a toddler you’re essentially leaving them to rot. Would leave them tk screens for an hour at a time probably three times a day but never eg three hours at a time. Everyone does it differently but mine are addicts and would go without eating etc if we left them to it!!!

Battleground here too but I’d agree that’s ok over an entire weekend day/evening interspersed with non screen stuff. If he’s doing some active stuff as well and any homework then it’s ok. It’s definitely requiring their brains though and isn’t a given in other countries but I guess it’s about finding something else - better lol - to replace or reduce the gaming.

It depends on the full context.

If he's done well in school, is sociable the rest of the time, you're not concerned about his online safety/trust he understands about that, then I wouldn't be too concerned.

I think it probably depends on other things as well (I also have 15 and 13 year old boys). If mine have done homework, music practice, gone outside for some time, are getting good marks and are generally helpful and friendly around the house then I think it’s fine really to have even 5 or 6 hours online, be that games, chatting to friends etc.
My 15 year old is a big reader and gets through a book every 3-4 days, plus does piano practice, goes for a run most days, plays basketball with his brother, gets As and Bs and also probably spends at least 5 hours at weekends either playing F1 on the PlayStation, watching YouTube , messaging friends etc. I’m fine with that, I probably spent the same just watching TV as a teen.

I used to watch that amount of tv in the nineties on school holidays! So was the difference? My ds doesn’t watch tv unless I beg him to watch a movie with me

I can’t leave my 15 year old to it
adhd and no self regulation