Am I a strict, unreasonable mum to 15 year old DS?

As long as it’s not interfering with the rest of his life, you might be fighting a losing battle.

To many people nowadays gaming is just another form of socialising. As long as it’s not all he’s doing with himself, I’d probably let him be.

We have a young coworker though that if he could he’d do nothing but stay up gaming (many times he comes to work barely functioning because he’s been up all night playing), in which case then yes I agree with limiting it. You don’t want your DS to reach 24 living a fantasy life.

He sounds busy when he’s offline, I’d probably relax a bit more about this tbh. With most 15 year olds the more you show how much you hate it the more he will do it.

I don’t understand why you think is mh will deteriorate from gaming? Many psychiatrists will tell you gaming is actually very very good for teens and for people with adhd/asd. I game, I have done all my life, when used properly it’s a great additional tool.

I really think it depends on what else he does, how his social life and mental health are, and how it affects him.

Gaming has plenty of benefits in moderation, which is generally estimated at up to about 3 or 4hrs a day on average. It would be better if he could spread that out during the week, but it sounds like he doesn't have the time then, so he's pushing it to the weekend.

It's something he loves and he should be old enough to focus on hobbies he loves and not need a parent to ensure exposure to a wide range of alternatives. So in general, if he wants to spend 10 hours gaming twice a week, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing if he's getting enough sleep, doing his homework, getting exercise in the week, has friends, is helping around the house, etc. And if it doesn't have a negative impact on his mood.

When you tell him he has to stop gaming, are you asking him to do something else in particular or are you just telling him he isn't allowed to do something he loves because you don't like it?

This is something I really worry about for my 5 year old. And then I remember the hours upon hours, in the summer holidays, curtains drawn, playing Sonic the hedgehog 😂
I don't think it's a generational thing. However, I think the key difference is how much they socialise on line and if they have any friends in real life. When the games replace this, that's when there is a problem.
Me and my sister would finally defeat final villain 🙌 and then knock on for our friends and spend an evening zooming about on our bikes

Zero is the proper answer. Should not be alone with computer without being sure it has appropriate blocks against porn etc (which is too easily accessed). Realistically? Allow an hour for games with long breaks between sessions, and pop head round door to see what is on the screen at irregular intervals.

Because the saddos with nothing else to do like searching through previous posts and will say things like "but you posted in 2007 that you bought him the PlayStation so it's all your fault". So weird but they do.

As long as DS has his revision/homework done and his bedroom is tidy/clean I don’t mind how much time he spends on his PS5. But he does spend almost all of his day outside playing football (he’s in an academy) so it doesn’t feel so bad if he comes home and spends 3 or 4 hours gaming, I would probably feel different if he wasn’t already getting fresh air/exercise

My 15yo games for hours but she also reads and watches tv and engages in conversations with us so I don't mind it. If she was constantly gaming whilst shouting down the headset to people online, like her younger cousin, then It would be a different story.

I am on your team with this.

If its fine its fine but when its not fine it can derail things completely.

We arw a low tech house despite my dhs love of tech and staying that way

Our kids are small right now so its easier... but my friends 3 yr has her.own iPhone "for games" 😵‍💫

Because your social skills are coming across very well …? Generally speaking people with hobbies don’t troll Mumsnet on Boxing Day morning to slag off other people’s parenting. Is it your DS’s turn on the TV, are you bored?

We had 3 teen gamers.

All now successful in jobs. All do housework/ cooking. All emotionally intelligent lovely people.

Ds is with a female gamer. Shes got a very high flying demanding career.

None of them are in the least bit useless.

My husband games and he is not “useless”, he does more around the house than I do. He just chooses to game in his downtime, you don’t see the irony of having such dogmatic and ignorant opinions as if that’s a healthy balanced way of raising children tolerant of others.

As long as they want but they happily come off if we are doing something as a family. They are doing well at school and are really pleasant and no bother. Keep their rooms tidy ect.
They would just watch TV instead but with games they are usually playing with friends and are laughing and enjoying themselves. Im not monitoring it over the holidays. In school time I like them to be off an hour before bed to wind down.
They are also active with clubs after every school day. I let them zone out on weekends and holidays.

I hear you. It’s hard. I would rather my son wrote a book or played an instrument too. The thing is gaming is fun, social and typical for boys that age. If he’s playing sport and doing well at school, has friends and is generally happy I would probably let it go and let him game a few hours a day. There are alot of benefits to gaming, and it does sound like he has a balance.

The same with the girls, but I thought the “men are all useless” trope would land better with the MN crowd. I agree it was a sexist statement but the same goes for women who have no hobbies or skills as an adult to rely on for socialising later in life.

We don’t allow any screens or devices in bedrooms. We have one TV in the lounge with a games console that DS has to use in front of the family and take turns with the TV. That’s how it’s regulated. Bedrooms are about relaxation and reading in our household.

What about the girls?

I’m 40 and I remember the same speech. Go outside! Do your homework so you can go play! So and so is out already.

No , thanks. It was a really good book. They all were.

The teens on screens are the future useless men of MN.

Please let’s not produce any more of these useless men where nothing’s ever demanded of them as a teenager.

I suspect it’s the socialising aspect you’re missing. Basically, he’s mostly just hanging out with his mates , but in a format which is alien to you. As long as he’s laughing , chatting , having fun and interacting (as opposed to getting angry, swearing etc) it’s honestly not that bad.

Yes, it would be better if he went out with his friends, but it’s blooming freezing, people are away or half committed with the holidays, can they meet up easily without lifts or spending money to do an activity/be warm , etc.

dont have kids this old yet but I guess similar to tv so if I’d be happy to sit down and watch gone with the wind or lord of the rings then About 4 hours seems reasonable.

plus games benefit from immersion especially some of the long form narratives. Could you play some together?
I’d be more upset they didn’t want to be with family tbh but we’re always doing stuff rather than sitting round

I'm only 51 and my Dad thought I read too much. He was the sporty/active type and didn't really understand my hours of absorption in a book. And, to be fair, it was pretty anti-social. I heard nothing when I read, I was totally immersed in the world of the book.

Honestly at 15 I just leave them to it during the holidays.