Am I a strict, unreasonable mum to 15 year old DS?

So long as they are doing their schoolwork, eating, showering, a bit of exercise and sleeping. No limit.

Hang on until he’s 16 and then push him to get a pt job. Neither of mine were massive gamers, loved their screens though, but sport, scouts and most definitely part time jobs as soon as they were 16 were great distractions, got them out of the house and and were the absolute making of them.

As long as homework gets done and some attempt at being present in the home/also getting up for school in the morning. I accept defeat. The battle isn’t fun.
The more I make less of a fuss, the more he finds time to do other things - but then he’s younger at 12, so Lego and some other toys are still a draw.

5 hours is max me and dh allow. And they have to take a break every 1.5 hours for 30 mins

Totally reasonable @echinaceaberry and I sympathise. Children today don’t seem to have the hobbies that children growing up any time before the 90s had.

And they don’t read enough - I’m seeing this in the undergrads I teach (humanities). They just don’t have the background of wide reading that I would expect for undergrads supposedly devoted to the discipline I teach ( they talk about their dedication in the UCAS forms and interviews but I see limited evidence in seminars …)

*she also gets regulation from swimming, riding her bike, climbing and reading. Justifying excessive screen time with 'regulation' is a bit strange.

What about RSI? Do teens who excessively game get RSI?

you know girls play just as much if not more?

It doesn't make it right, but even if men were the only gamers, the girls who spend their lives on their phones, the MN who spend their life on their phone and call "quality time" to watch rubbish on tv every single evening are not better.

The OP just happens to have a son

I am less bothered about time than about what else mine actually do.

Spend 1 or 2 full days playing video-games over the 2 weeks + off they have? Complete waste of time, but fine. Providing.. they do normal chores of course, but also read and more importantly spend most of the days out of the house.

I expect them to go do some sport for a few hours every day, meet their friends, they can go to the cinema or watch movies at home if they want. We have families outings to go to, they still have friends staying over - which mustn't be focused on video games as far as I am concerned.

It means some days they don't have time to spend anytime at all with video games.

I don't have fixed amount, because they know that if grades go down, if they don't do sport, and don't have a life, there will be an instant ban.

I think if he is a good kid with other interests, I'd let him have gaming days as down time. I played hours of the sims and spent days binge watching TV at that age. Maybe have days you set aside in your mind without telling him as 'gaming days' so the battle isn't every day. Then other days where he can play until a healthy bed time around other activites. Edited to add as I just remembered commenting to my DH recently how much I miss having a day gaming together between Christmas and new year playing call of duty like we did pre kids.

What is the actual problem?
Ive been a gamer since my dad bright a ZX81 home .. back in 1981.
It never stopped me getting qualifications and a high paying job.
It’s not my only hobby- I do loads of things …but modern games are a work of beauty and imagination and you need to use your brain and coordination to play them.
Studies have shown it helps older people keep brain-fit.
Currently playing Assasins creed Mirage and I’ve been doing so for the last 3 hours ( although I was up at 6 mucking the horses out)….

I’ll be honest, I cut my 15 yo some slack and do let him game all day in his room sometimes. He’s a good kid, never been in trouble, set to get straight 9s in his GCSEs and already has a place in a good college. He goes to cadets twice a week and is dedicated to that. He isn’t often rude or unreasonable at all, keeps his room pretty tidy. I think he deserves some downtime.

Presumably because there’s been a family discussion which might be outing to the op?

My daughter gets a certain amount of regulation from methodical, systematic elements of screen time. That is very different to using them all day long to the extent of extreme reactions when having to come off them. I honestly don't know what I would do if she gets to 15 and it becomes this big thing. I feel for you, teens are often difficult to parent on general without this added in. I think as others have said I think it's about the overall balance. Can you even try talking with him during the week and agreeing a schedule of sorts for the weekend where he does do other things for a couple of hours? I kind of do this with my daughter so she's not on her tablet for long stretches and I find it works better to be firm and clear beforehand and stick to it - although I'm under no illusions that this can be absolutely pointless with an older teen.

I guess for me the question is if you set stricter gaming limits would he be happier or doing more useful stuff? What does he enjoy or benefit from that gaming is stopping him doing?

Early 70s, when I was a teen we got "pong", the bat and ball computer game for XMAS. By New Year, we were bored with it. Times change.

I don’t think there is a simple answer to this. If the young person is doing well in school, has friends, gets some exercise and does some kind of activity away from their computer games, I don’t think that giving exact set boundaries (as in number of hours a day) or constantly nagging at them is helpful.

The problem you have it's a generation thing ,it's how they relax and connect with each other ,and then they chat about it at school ,so it helps them feel part of things at school ..to be left out of the discussion at school , because you missed out of an exciting game ,will be upsetting for them .
It's sounds like you have a lovely young man there op ,he's doing activities and doing well at school ,and eating meals with family .
If he was reading a book in his room ,you wouldn't have a problem with what he was doing ..but you feel gaming is not such a valuable activity than reading is .
But does someone dictate how you spend your down time ?
I've always been very relaxed with mine ,
I wanted them to cope with the Independence university brought,so they they lots of freedom way before uni

Somebody asked about watching the TV vs gaming and I think that the issue is that gaming you have to really stare at the screen but obviously if it’s on the phone or tablet it’s worse as you’re holding it near to your face. TV at least sometimes you look away or can do something else at the same time!! I used to be a tv addict but also read, drew, went out cycling bike etc

What sort of games is he playing? Is he playing online with friends?

Content of any sort of screen matters more than timing in our house. DS is 13 and plays on his PC for an amount of time each day that would make the majority of people on this thread clutch their pearls so hard it would turn them into paste.

He plays games about strategy, history, politics. There's games with beautiful immersive worlds and character development that changes depending on the choices you make. He chats to his friends online when they play together. And yes, he plays games where he runs around shooting bugs and aliens with his friends and it's all a bit graphic and violent.

But he's fine. Last parents evening his teachers thought he was doing loads of reading around his subjects because he's excelling. He's not, he's playing games that gives him historical and geographical knowledge he wouldn't get from just reading. He's watching YouTube in between gaming in things that interest him. He's a good kid, a bit shy and and a bit full of teenage hormones and grump but I was worse at his age and all I was doing is reading.

You have to decide what works for you as a family. If it's definitely the gaming that's harming him then yes, put something in place to restrict it. There's a whole load of other environmental and social factors (particularly socio-economic) that can make kids' behaviour and mental health poor, everyone screaming that screen time is destroying a generation is a taking an overly simplistic view.

Completely agree with this. Bedroom being screen free makes it a heck of a lot easier

I've left my kids to it - their grades are amazing and they are well behaved.

He’s 15 , not 10!

Fair enough on the porn though.

I’m an ex gamer , somehow , I managed to move countries, get a job, make friends and make a family despite the hours upon hours playing Heroes or Need for Speed.