Page 2 | Working all but boxing day and I'll still be expected to cook

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 26/12/2025 10:43

Just don't cook! Get a box of chocolates out and sit on the sofa.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 26/12/2025 09:56

Dh does all our cooking. He works full time too.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2025 09:55

For the love of God, woman - grow a fucking spine! Tell this lazy arse to shape up or ship out.

And have a damned good think about why you think this is OK. Yes you came here to have a bit of moan but you're still pandering to him. How did you get here? Was this behaviour modelled to you by your parents (was your father a wanker and your mother a martyr), did you grow up in care and had no model to follow, did you start more equal but were slowly manoeuvred into doing all the work?

Change the workload within your relationship. And if you can't, finish this relationship and start again with a man who isn't a lazy tosser.

LavenderBlue19 · 26/12/2025 09:46

Tell him (in advance) that he needs to cook because you're working.

My partner made Christmas dinner yesterday. It was delicious. He makes most of our meals, I only really cook if he's not around. I do most of the cleaning, laundry etc (and have a cleaner). We both cleaned the house for Christmas, both bought presents for our respective families.

Expect better.

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 09:45

Sneesellsseashells · 26/12/2025 09:03

How did you become a competent cook? Practice? We all have to start somewhere.

Edited

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Agree. People learn to cook gradually. Christmas roast is not easy for a beginner

But good point well made - there's a middle ground between ready meal and roast dinner

OP, what would happen if you asked your DP to cook a simple meal of his choice?

user1496146479 · 26/12/2025 09:40

Stop being a martyr! Let him cook, use your words!

CatAsstrophe · 26/12/2025 09:39

YABU

Being female has nothing to do with it. Being a mug/martyr/doormat is more appropriate.

Get a grip woman!

IwishIcouldconfess · 26/12/2025 09:33

Do you think there's a special place in heaven for martyrs?

user1471538283 · 26/12/2025 09:25

This is nothing to do with being a woman. My DF cooked a lot and he always made the meals over Christmas. My DS cooks. If I only had one day off over Christmas I wouldn't be in the kitchen making meals for anyone.

AgnesMcDoo · 26/12/2025 09:22

Don’t do it

Mum2Fergus · 26/12/2025 09:15

Stop being a martyr. Just don’t do it.

Iloveeverycat · 26/12/2025 09:12

Why would you cook on boxing day. I am in my 60s we always have a cold spread. Lay it out and people help themselves.

chattyness · 26/12/2025 09:08

Why didn't you tell him in advance that you expect him to cook for change?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/12/2025 09:05

Lostthefairytale · 26/12/2025 07:31

I've ticked yabu because you have put yourself in this role. It's not a "being female" thing, it's a being a doormat thing. If you keep doing it and then coming in here to complain rather than actually standing up for your own needs then why would anything change??

If your relationship is abusive please get in touch with women's aid. If it isn't, then please take control of your life and stop telling yourself that having a thoughtless uncaring partner is just part of being a woman. It isn't.

Agreed.

I am a woman and this just wouldnt happen to me.

And I'd go hungry if needed to make my point.

PinkyFlamingo · 26/12/2025 09:05

Mardy45 · 26/12/2025 06:32

Care worker here, worked Xmas, and working all sat and sun today is only day off yet partner will still expect a Sunday dinner style meal and won't enter his head to cook it🤔
Not working or anything this week, managed to get away with takeaways Xmas eve👀😊,
Hate been a female!!, happy I've cheated, ready made yorkshire puds mash to microwave and pre cut veg😂😂😂😂, knackered and wondering when my me day is😁

What on earth has female got to do with it! I despair at posts like yours "expected to cook", nooone is forcing you...

Sneesellsseashells · 26/12/2025 09:03

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

How did you become a competent cook? Practice? We all have to start somewhere.

Godlovesatryer88 · 26/12/2025 09:02

What’s being female have to do with anything?

What did you both eat yesterday after you finished work/before you started work? Why couldn’t he have cooked then?

If he doesn’t cook 364 days of the year then why would you suddenly expect him to start now? You need to higher your bar.

loganrock · 26/12/2025 08:55

OP, with respect, this is your choice. You are choosing to live with the mindset of someone living in 1955, not 2025.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2025 08:51

nc43214321 · 26/12/2025 08:29

Same…. I have worked all week, my partner has looked after out 6 year old, hasn’t crossed his mind to do any cleaning, tidying, cooking ….even still
had to cook meals etc. he has decided to invite his family round today and he is cooking still debating whether or not I should tidy the house before they arrive as he’s had so much time to do it….
the crux of the problem is his family who are coming today think because I am the women/mother I should do everything domesticated 🫩

Then if they say anything you can say ‘yes, I’m disappointed too, Tim has been off all week too’

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 26/12/2025 08:40

And how is being female relevant 🤣

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2025 08:37

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

You don't ask. You tell him that if you are expected to cook on Christmas Day when you have been working all week, it's a ready meal unless he does something about it.

It shouldn't be a discussion if it's getting to you that much.

Otherwise you simply enjoy being a martyr

itsthetea · 26/12/2025 08:35

You also him What are you cooking ?

pass him a basic cookery book if he’s that useless

you eat bread and cheese yourself if he doesn’t

DH is male and a perfectly competent cook. He usually says he’s making dinner if I am busy and I would have no qualms asking him if he missed

Dancingsquirrels · 26/12/2025 08:30

What woukd happen if you said "I'll be tired, let's just have a ready meal?" My DH isn't a confident cook, so I wouldn't expect him to cook a full Christmas dinner but he wouldn't pressure me to provide it

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2025 08:30

HoppingPavlova · 26/12/2025 06:43

Hate been a female!!

No idea what you are on about. Being female does not mean you are the only person allowed in a kitchen, you seem to have very odd thought processes

I'm with this.

Being female doesn't stop you from saying "I'm not cooking this Christmas because it's the only day off over Christmas, so if you want a roast you'll have to do it otherwise we'll have to come up with an alternative plan"

You need to start saying no.

The martyrdom is your own fault ultimately.

nc43214321 · 26/12/2025 08:29

Same…. I have worked all week, my partner has looked after out 6 year old, hasn’t crossed his mind to do any cleaning, tidying, cooking ….even still
had to cook meals etc. he has decided to invite his family round today and he is cooking still debating whether or not I should tidy the house before they arrive as he’s had so much time to do it….
the crux of the problem is his family who are coming today think because I am the women/mother I should do everything domesticated 🫩