To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

This

I think it's not always that they're too busy to tell MN about it but I've lost count of the threads over the years, where a woman starts a thread saying how lovely her husband is, others start to post about their lovely husbands and BOOM!

Loads of MNetters come on to say they shouldn't be 'grateful' or they'll get accused of being 'smug'.

I kid you not, there's even been calls for trigger warnings because those sort of threads can 'upset MNetters who don't have a great relationship'.

So as much as I agree there are some God awful DHs being posted about on here, it's obviously going to be skewed because MNetters really only tend to start threads about the bad ones.

I'm not single but have been in a dv marriage before thankfully my now dh is nothing like half the men I have read about on here that said I would be single if I ever split up with my husband now because I couldn't be bothered to actually get involved in another mans life given what alot of men are like

I agree OP 🥰I cringe to think back over past christmases where I’ve loved the man I was with so have done all the wife work, chosen man a thoughtful gift, spent time with his family etc etc only to be rewarded with lazy, thoughtless gift, critiqued over my cooking, pawed at and left to clean up while he snored on the sofa.
This year I spent Christmas Day in female company only, my dd, sisters and female cousin. We had an amazing time, my face actually hurt from laughing so much.
I do have wonderful men in my life who are in healthy relationships, so I’m not a misandrist by any means - however I can’t imagine giving up my happiness ever ever again

I’m very happily married and childless. Without kids or mortgage, ending things would be straightforward if we wanted to do that, but we don’t. We stay together because we want to. My DH is older and so likely to predecease me, but in that event I will not be looking for another relationship.

I think when you get to our age (I'm also 40s) and you're happy, financially secure, good job, you really struggle with the idea of letting someone in, especially if you've been hurt in the past.

I wouldn’t mind having a very close friendship with a man but once you have tasted freedom as a woman there is no going back.

I don’t feel less ‘free’ with my partner than I did when I was single.

I enjoyed being single. I also enjoy being with my partner.

I think a big thing that gets people marrying is the desire to have children and a family life. Leads people right up the garden path, that desire! If you're happy not having children, in a way that's a blessing because you're less likely to marry the wrong person when there's no time pressure. You don't mention kids, so it seems you're not that bothered.

Enjoy your low-pressure, stable life! And not marrying or co-habiting doesn't mean you can't ever date. Go for a divorced women - many of us never want to marry again if we live to be a thousand!

I wouldn’t mind having a very close friendship with a man but once you have tasted freedom as a woman there is no going back. When I first discovered what it was like to be truly single (not wanting a relationship) it was as though I had discovered this incredible hidden secret that people kept from us because I had never really heard anyone talk about the pleasures of the single life. It is so peaceful. I have never met a man who didn’t resent in some way being with a powerful successful woman - unless it was in his cocklodger interests. Even in this day and age there are subtle ways in which many woman make themselves smaller when they are around such men. I have always been ambitious and desirous of power but when I am with a man there is less space for that human need to find its expression.

I'll give a male perspective - I'm a nice, decent chap in mid 40's. Two serious relationships, the first cheated on me and left (leaving me heartbroken), the second, for no reason decided to up and go.

Thankfully I hadn't married either of them, I now find myself in mid 40's, having worked hard, owning two properties outright and being very secure - frankly any serious relationship, especially with marriage involved would not be worth the risk.

It seems people just don't really have staying power any more - I'm not talking about abusive relationships, which of course need to end, but for example one on another current thread where the OP is wanting divorce after 20 years because her DH isn't much use around the house - the solution there of course is easy, hire a cleaner/housekeeper. The net result of that is both will be fiscally buggered in their mid 40's.

Its sad, but not worth the risk, so I have gracefully bowed out and am quite happy single.

The last Christmas Day I ever spent with my husband with his parents there, he left just after lunch as he was "on call" for his job as an engineer.

I later found out he left to go and visit his girlfriend. We split up a few months later.

I had lovely Christmas celebrations when at home with my parents and brother when younger and have had lovely Christmas Days since I divorced with no husband/partner around since but it still has a slight taint to it all these years later.

I did have a lovely time yesterday though, my cousin came over, he is on his own too, we had lovely food, nice wine, a few presents to open and everything cooked really well, he went home many hours later very happy and I watched Slow Horses, also very happy.

It was a very nice day. 🤗

I'm going to join in saying how happy I am I have no miserable, abusive twat in my house - like so many posters on here seem to have. I married young, was married for quite some time - and never realised everyday life can se so stress free and enjoyable until I become single. Yes, I have other problems some days - loneliness and less money - but I'd take that any day over dealing with stroppy, nasty, unpleasant and grumpy man child who expects me to pander to his every wish.

I don't even click on threads about domestic abuse anymore, it's too depressing to read about yet another generation of kids being traumatised and have their health destroyed for life, like mine.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

I was single for nine years and they honestly were some of the happiest years of my life. In a (happy) relationship now but I really miss it.

Cohabitation is grossly overrated.

That sounds like a bad choice of man.

My DH has never said this to me.

I’ve been single for well over ten years now (probably more like 15). I never ever feel lonely and never miss having a man. I have adult sons and they’re the only males I love having in my life. Their dad made me so miserable and stressed it took me years to get my equilibrium back and the only way to keep it is to stay single.

It made me sad yesterday to read so many threads from women who had done everything for Christmas and had no gifts to open, were left feeling upset and completely unappreciated, or had to spend the day with a drunken man child.

I am very grateful to be single, I couldn’t tolerate any of that bullshit for even a second. No, I don’t think it’s “all men” - I know plenty of good men, but there’s an awful lot of shit ones out there.

YADNBU

Just skim read the thread about spent thousands on giving children a magical Christmas…..then we argued about the turkey and husband told me to fuck off …. another huge row later on and thought wow those poor children would probably rather have a father who didn’t shout and swear than the magical Christmas.

I said "people," not "women." Goes for men too. Also never said that you have to be married to want to drag your comfort blankie around with you everywhere. I'm sorry, but I was narked by that poster who was so smug about partnered people and "believing" that being partnered is best for everyone.

Completely agree with you OP! I’ve been single for about 10 years now and never been happier. I’ve been very fortunate that all previous relationships have been with decent men, but I just have no interest in having another relationship. I have a lovely life with my very close family and wonderful friends. A great job, my own house and an adorable little dog. There are a couple of people who think I should be in a relationship, but a lot of people (mainly women) are applauding my decision. I never wanted children so that has made my life uncomplicated, and I know that it can be very difficult to end a relationship when children are involved, especially financially. Reading Mumsnet makes me realise I am completely right in staying single. I would say all of my friends are unhappy in their relationships, none of them are with ‘bad men’, just lazy and expect their full time working partner to take responsibility for all the childcare and the house/life admin. It’s like it’s engrained into them, and they are so entitled.

People aren’t coming onto mumsnet to post their happy stories but I see why you would think that!!

Feel the same, divorced a year.
I’m currently in bed with a heavy cold. Was feeling a bit sorry for myself as no one to look after me then remembered no one would have looked after me anyway and I’d still be expect to organise and manage the whole of Xmas!
happy days I can just veg all day today and not have to deal with the manchild Ex!

I am happily married but I have to say, based on a lot of the relationships people post about on Mumsnet I can only assume that there are people who think that any relationship is better than being single, which is sad. My friend recently extracted herself from a relationship. Nothing wrong with the guy but they’d fallen out of love. They’re both now living their best single lives.
People don’t like change. Or indeed financial uncertainty or instability and will tolerate a lot to avoid these things.

I get where you're coming from.

The only two options aren't:

1. single or;
2. absuive relationship

There is a third option....
3) good relationship