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Original poster

To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

256 replies

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:01

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

OP posts:
SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:58

SidewaysOtter · 26/12/2025 14:08

It seems people just don't really have staying power any more - I'm not talking about abusive relationships, which of course need to end, but for example one on another current thread where the OP is wanting divorce after 20 years because her DH isn't much use around the house - the solution there of course is easy, hire a cleaner/housekeeper. The net result of that is both will be fiscally buggered in their mid 40's.

i don’t think it’s a “lack of staying power”, it’s that women increasingly won’t put up with crap relationships with substandard men who can’t be arsed to put in any of the mental effort (preferring to be told what to do: “Of course I’ll do things, you just need to tell me what they are!”) or who deliberately ruin things to show that they can or behave like petulant children when they aren’t the centre of attention. It would be interesting to hear these men be made to explain themselves, although I expect they’d just shrug and say they don’t know why they do it, or deny that they do. It’s what my ex did.

As for “Oh it’s so obvious, they just need to get a cleaner!”…Jesus wept. It’s not about the cleaning, it never is but the men in question never look beyond the superficial issue that they think just needs a quick fix. It’s to do with the lack of equality and effort and bloody thought. And even if a cleaner was the answer, guess who’ll end up organising it? 🙄

Statistically women are happier single and men happier in a couple - yes, because a significant proportion of men expect women to run their lives for them while still wanting to be some outdated “Big Man Of The House” to whom everyone defers. Women have a choice not to put up with that now and by God are we exercising it if we want to.

I wish I could give this post a thousand likes.

My exH and I had a cleaner for a while. Before she arrived, the hoover and other tools needed to be got out, we needed to make sure we had $20 cash for a tip, and obviously we had to make sure that surfaces were clear so that she could clean. She would change bedlinen, but of course we had to lay out what we wanted to be put on.

And who do you think did all this service management? Not him, I can tell you.

Some people really need to read the blog about the man whose wife divorced him for leaving cups by the dishwasher. Spoiler: It was SO NOT about the cups....

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

@DeftWasp Read the Huffpost article. And here's the accompanying blog below.

This is a man who knows exactly what the woman on the thread you refer to is talking about.

https://matthewfray.com/blog/

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:47

@ThisCalmMauveWriter I would hate being single and miss someone waking up and smiling at me first thing, someone to jump in with bed most nights. I would miss the sex too!

I mean, you don't have to be married or cohabiting to have that.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:44

StartingOverInMy40s · 26/12/2025 13:11

I always want to balance these kinds of threads with my own experience but never do for fear of sounding smug. I left a marriage with a nice but boring man after almost twenty years and met someone new in my mid forties who has made me happier than I’ve ever been and I’d like to think he feels the same. We share housework and life admin and take care of each other. He snores, he swears and he’s not perfect but neither am I and I’d not want to be without him. Being in a relationship isn’t for everyone but neither is being single. All men aren’t perfwct but neither are all women.

What was it that made your ex-husband boring?

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:15

@Jamesblonde2 I’d hate to be single and childless.

I'd hate to be married with kids.

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:34

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:26

Let’s write to the MP’s immediately and tell them that we have solved the housing crisis.

How dare single people live alone and like it.

Cat parenting is easy but if I’d known she would wake me up in the early hours for feeding, I would have passed 🤣

Show quote history

I know, I am forever guilty as charged.

And loving it!!

TwistedWonder · 27/12/2025 00:30

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

Many of us who are now singje and live alone do have children who are now adults.

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:26

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:21

Ha!

See, this is already fun. I have always wanted cats but have been averse to the cat-parenting; I'll be the man in the relationship and accept no responsibility for their wellbeing! We should do this! (We'll be saving lives and houses at the same time!).

(Honestly, this whole thread is breadbin gold!)

Show quote history

Let’s write to the MP’s immediately and tell them that we have solved the housing crisis.

How dare single people live alone and like it.

Cat parenting is easy but if I’d known she would wake me up in the early hours for feeding, I would have passed 🤣

Happyjoe · 27/12/2025 00:24

PixieDust91 · 26/12/2025 02:13

I am single as well, as of May, but I am pretty lonely and I really can't wait to find my person soon!

Altho I agree 100% with you. The amount of women complaining about their bum husbands on here the last week or so makes me astonished at how many women settled for the bare minimum, and put up with it for DECADE(s)!!!!

It took me 3ish years to see that my ex was manipulating me and lying to me about where our relationship was going (I wanted marriage/kids, he didn't but he strung me along) and I thought I was the buffoon for taking 3 years to see through his lies. But there's women here waiting longer than a decade in some cases for a ring.... I read a woman the other day say it took her's 25 YEARS to propose like 2 days ago.😭

25 years of being together before marriage?!
Having a ring is not everything, it truly isn't. Can be perfectly happy in a relationship without being married, can even have kids too!

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:22

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:20

Never heard that, but it's great! 🤣🤣🤣

I want all the romantic bits of a relationship without the grind of domesticity. Been there, done that.

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I think there’s a song and everything. I totally don’t blame you and I’ve never been married but the older I get, the less it appeals to me.

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:21

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:13

Not wanting to live up to the single crazy cat lady stereotype but yeah I have a cat 🤣

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Ha!

See, this is already fun. I have always wanted cats but have been averse to the cat-parenting; I'll be the man in the relationship and accept no responsibility for their wellbeing! We should do this! (We'll be saving lives and houses at the same time!).

(Honestly, this whole thread is breadbin gold!)

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:20

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:14

Good for you. What’s that saying, save a horse, ride a cowboy 😂

Show quote history

Never heard that, but it's great! 🤣🤣🤣

I want all the romantic bits of a relationship without the grind of domesticity. Been there, done that.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:19

EligibleTern · 26/12/2025 11:20

What gets me on here isn't so much the OPs who post about obviously horrific relationships who are advised to leave - as PP have pointed out above, we all know that actually abusive relationships aren't the only kind available, and when posters want to leave abusive men, this site is a great resource for support and information.

What I find really depressing is the constant casual references in replies to posts where it turns out that SO MANY posters are treated like servants/appliances/an afterthought by their "D"Hs, and the posters write about it like it's just completely normal and expected. Things along the lines of:

"Men just aren't very good at doing Christmas (could be about food, presents, cards, wrapping, cleaning, dealing with his own family, etc.) so if you want him to take part, you'll need to give him more guidance."

"In our house we've always just divided the tasks - we both work full time, and I take care of the house and sort everything for the DCs. He cleans the car, mows the lawn and does the DIY. Sometimes I'm run ragged with it but men just don't see the mess, do they?"

"I can't imagine being so precious about my birthday as an adult as to care what my husband writes in my card - consider yourself lucky you got a card. And DH hasn't felt the need to say he loves me in 20 years, we're not soppy like that."

And so on and so on and so on. If people pick up on the posts that hint at these awful seams of disrespect and lack of care/love running through these marriages, the posters tend to get defensive, annoyed, use the rolling eyes emoji, make a joke, or say that the person responding is needy or pathetic. It's just so horribly depressing to see, time and time again.

One hundred percent. There are a lot of relationships which may not be abusive but are still downright depressing in the attitude that the man has. For example, no way would I ever be with a man who simply declared himself "useless at romance" and that was that. My exH had many faults but he was usually romantic on special occasions.

Of course, twats don't usually go full twatface until you're trapped, or have at least formed an attachment.

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:14

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:09

I like reading about the relationships that are working and where the poster is happy. It warms the cockles of my heart.

For me, after a long and disappointing marriage which was also pretty much sexless, I've been enjoying putting it about a bit. 🤣 I've met amazing men who have been so good-looking, so well-mannered, and much, much better in bed than my exH. I love thinking of the worlds of possibility out there, the many romantic dates ahead with gorgeous men, the first kisses, the holidays, and did I mention all the sex and romance? No way am I ready to settle down again anytime soon. I am post-commitment and having a blast! Helps that I live in America where the men are sexeeeeee and I get dates easier cos they like my accent!

After a few more years of rampaging my way through all the cowboys I can find, I hope to eventually settle into a LAT relationship with someone I love. (Living Apart Together.)

Edited

Good for you. What’s that saying, save a horse, ride a cowboy 😂

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:13

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:08

Let's get married!

Do you have cats?

Show quote history

Not wanting to live up to the single crazy cat lady stereotype but yeah I have a cat 🤣

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:09

I like reading about the relationships that are working and where the poster is happy. It warms the cockles of my heart.

For me, after a long and disappointing marriage which was also pretty much sexless, I've been enjoying putting it about a bit. 🤣 I've met amazing men who have been so good-looking, so well-mannered, and much, much better in bed than my exH. I love thinking of the worlds of possibility out there, the many romantic dates ahead with gorgeous men, the first kisses, the holidays, and did I mention all the sex and romance? No way am I ready to settle down again anytime soon. I am post-commitment and having a blast! Helps that I live in America where the men are sexeeeeee and I get dates easier cos they like my accent!

After a few more years of rampaging my way through all the cowboys I can find, I hope to eventually settle into a LAT relationship with someone I love. (Living Apart Together.)

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:08

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:05

I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing that I’m contributing to the housing crisis. Must couple up immediately even if it’s with a selfish fuckwit just so a family can have a house. Think of the poor children.

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Let's get married!

Do you have cats?

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:05

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 23:57

"I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.
I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage."

We would need far fewer if folks stopped breeding.

Or you can blame us single folk, sure :)

(Personally, I have no issue with folks having kids if that's what they want to do btw. Just making a point here against the ridiculousness of these comments :) )

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I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing that I’m contributing to the housing crisis. Must couple up immediately even if it’s with a selfish fuckwit just so a family can have a house. Think of the poor children.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:02

Screamingabdabz · 26/12/2025 10:53

YANBU op. The men in our family are brilliant so please don’t lose hope that there are good ones out there, but equally why oh why do women shack up and have dc with dickhead men and then stay with them? I can’t help reading the threads where some useless waste of oxygen male has upset the family Christmas and wonder why she’s had multiple children with the tosser and put up with it for years.

Another one who doesn't realise that they only turn into tossers when you're well and truly in deep.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 23:57

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:49

There are so many single people. Men and women. So instead of a couple needing 1 house, 2 people need 2 houses instead.

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"I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.
I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage."

We would need far fewer if folks stopped breeding.

Or you can blame us single folk, sure :)

(Personally, I have no issue with folks having kids if that's what they want to do btw. Just making a point here against the ridiculousness of these comments :) )

iamnotalemon · 26/12/2025 23:51

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

I’m single and childfree. It may not appeal to you but each to their own.

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:49

ruethewhirl · 26/12/2025 23:47

What do you mean?

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There are so many single people. Men and women. So instead of a couple needing 1 house, 2 people need 2 houses instead.

Kitterkitkat · 26/12/2025 23:48

I think I've gone slightly asexual. But sort of miss the days when I used to bang like a ferret if that makes sense!

If I ever got into a relationship again it would have to be agreed terms and I'd need to perk up my hormones. I'm middle aged so not as bright, pretty and young.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 26/12/2025 23:47

I think the real key to avoiding crap relationships with crap men is never wanting children (and to a lesser extent, being able to afford life on your own). So many of the problems women on MN have seems to stem from them settling for pointless men because they had such a desire for children.

ruethewhirl · 26/12/2025 23:47

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

What do you mean?

DeftWasp · 26/12/2025 23:41

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:29

THIS….

Or they did notice listen to what she had an issue with.

Not always. But the “she left out of nowhere” is rarely the case.

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Sadly there were deep seated issues in her life that she couldn't get past and although she did share some details I don't know the full ins and outs - but there was no issues in the present, just demons of the past alas, it was all very amicable, we often see each other for a coffee and catch up, no animosity.