Is anyone else just so fucking proud of their Christmas?

My DD1 was about six when I woke up on my birthday to a GnT being shoved in my face at 7am because she wanted to be nice but didn’t know how to make a cup of coffee 😂 (obviously I don’t drink GnT at 7am)

And before anyone asks how she knew how to make a GnT, she didn’t. It was essentially a glass of gin!!!

Rosealea, have you ever discussed this very easily triggered sense of shame with a counsellor? It seems like an extreme reaction. Are you ok? It doesn't seem normal to come onto a post like this and say what you did. Or maybe were you trying to make OP feel ashamed? Either way it shows that shame is something that you probably struggle with. I hope you find the tools to deal with this.

This is lovely, merry Christmas to you!

I have a difficult relationship with Christmas due to many tense times growing up (along the lines of the awful drunk arguing family Christmas threads on here, also unpredictable and therefore lacking in traditions).

Thankfully, I married a very calm man who is fanatical about Christmas dinner. He instigates all the shopping, cooking and, most importantly, thinking about food, and we eat and do exactly the same every year - which our ASD teenagers love. At first I feared this would be stifling but soon realised it’s pure joy.

I’m also very pleased we stuck to our budget. It wasn’t a flashy Christmas, more quiet relief that we’ve made it to the end of a difficult year and through a stressful season without any major blow-ups.

I think a parent’s most important job is to be available and dependable. The only time our children couldn’t find us immediately yesterday was because we were singing 80s Christmas songs in the kitchen while clearing up. I cannot tell you how far away this was from the Christmases of my childhood!

OP, and to all those on the thread who have broken beyond their own tough circumstances, huge love and admiration! I am very aware that I’m staggeringly privileged by having had a basically pleasant, stable upbringing. It gives a child solid ground from which to at least stay ok, or at best, follow their own dreams. Without it, is like trying to build on quicksand.

What you have achieved - getting out of your own quicksand, and building solid ground for your children….. is just incredible, I am glad you are proud…. You deserve every bit of that pride and every moment of soaking it in. Enjoy!!!!!!

Yes, my mum did that too. Absolutely terrifying.
Im having some therapy at the moment and have been talking about my childhood a lot, at the age of 65 I’ve found myself being taken back to that 6 year old little girl hearing my parents screaming and shouting. It may sound strange but my amazing therapist has finally helped me see that what I experienced really wasn’t right.
So I’m very grateful to OP for reminding me that actually I’ve done a really good job bringing up my family in a different way, breaking the chain, and that I should be proud of myself. An emotion I’m learning to feel still !

Yes-you should be absolutely proud of yourself. For what you’ve achieved for yourself as well as for your children. You have done great things.

This post has really made me smile 😀 You have every right to feel proud @Minjou!

And @Rosealea - “ashamed and mortified”?!! You are ridiculous.

I get this. Even hearing my child making a casual remark referring to "my room" or "my bed" just gives me a warm glow. I wasn't allowed to say things like that, I got shouted at that these things weren't mine, I owned nothing, etc. There was far more soul-destroying stuff than that but just as one example. To be bringing my child up to feel safe, secure and loved, valued and respected... it's a huge thing. Kudos to you OP, it's not easy or straighforward.

I thought you were going to say you were really proud because your turkey wasn't dry and all the trimmings were ready at the same time (that's what I'm proud of this Christmas). But yours is much more impressive - well done!

Do you have such poor reading comprehension that you missed the rest of the post?
Are you perpetually offended, spending your entire life poised to clutch your pearls at the slightest provocation?
Or did you read a post written by a woman who grew up in horrible circumstances, in which she expresses happiness and gratitude at having given her own children a completely different experience…and think to yourself “do you know what this woman needs? Judgment. That’ll show her!”
I genuinely hope you’re just thick. But if you’re not - do you feel proud of yourself for posting this?

ANYWAY.

OP, you should be proud. I don’t even know you and I feel proud of you both! It sounds like you’ve both totally broken the cycle; that’s a hard thing to do but your children are clearly supported, cared for, and know how loved they are. I had a horrible upbringing, and you’ve reminded me that I should be proud of how different my own children’s family life is too. This is such a heartwarming thread ❤️

I read that one too. It was also horrible how some posters were trying to excuse the woman's role in the toxicity and blame it all on the man. Both were just as bad as each other in horrible insideous ways.

My mum used to threaten to harm herself when people argued with her. It's so emotionally abusive. I look at my children and think how could you do that to them??

Since becoming a mum I've realised a lot of things that were normalised at the time really weren't. We've worked hard to give our kids the love and support, and most importantly the stability we didn't have.

So the OPs post is a powerful message of hope and selflessness over generational trauma.

OP, I am DELIGHTED for you.

@Rosealea I’ve reported your post as a personal attack.

Well done. My own childhood wasn't great, although nothing like as bad as yours sound and when I finally realised age around 45 with 2 teenage DDs that I'd had an odd and very controlling upbringing, I set about changing the way I did things with great results. Now they are in their 30's I am just so proud of us all and so very grateful for that lightbulb moment I had. It's all drama free and full of kindness and mutual respect. Truly a calm and happy home. All the more important since my DH got ill in February and died in May so we have really needed to support each other this year and we all agree we've done great in coming to terms with that shock and loss because we can communicate well with each other and "staying close" as we did in the early days after he died has helped us all so much in coming to terms with our new life.

well done again. My "new" philosophy started with thinking what would my mother have done in this situation and then doing the opposite.

Another chain breaker here, your post has just reminded me that I really should be proud of myself more often!
I was shuddering just now reading the post about parents having a huge row at Christmas, I remember one vividly at my house with my brother squaring up to my dad on the verge of a physical fight. Horrible, has never left me.

You should be very very proud

Enjoy the gin and Merry Christmas OP

Good for you. I'm incredibly proud of my children too. All adults now but have lovely manners and they are really thoughtful and caring.

I'm also really proud of the knockout meal me and my youngest son made yesterday. Was definitely the best Christmas dinner I have ever made. My son was the chopper and peeler and generally helped with the whole thing and didn't complain once.

I haven't had to do any cleaning up.

I have had some awful Christmases in the past and I am always a bit nervous but it went great.

You don't need to justify yourself OP, that poster is simply envious and a bit dim!!

My Daughter bought me some Rum and I was over the fucking moon!!!

Your post was lovely to read. Good on you and your husband for breaking the cycle xxxxx

I’m so fucking proud of you. You have done it! You’ve described my childhood being the same as yours with in and out of care, vilolence and some other vile stuff but me and DH have woken up this monring and said to each other the same thing as you. Feeling emotional and thrilled that we have broken the curse too. Are children are still small so no gin for me but I’m sure in 10 years or so that will be on the agenda too. This monring the children are all up playing and eating the gingerbread house we made before Xmas for breakfast because why not. Not one argument, no tears and only smiles and happiness yesterday which is continuing to day.

well done to you. You knew what you wanted to for yourself so you’ve given that to your children and now you can rest easy knowing you have trumped all the odds

Don’t be so fucking ridiculous 🙄

That is such an inspirational post. So glad you have had a wonderful Christmas and you've broken the cycle. It takes real strength of character to do that and you both should be justifiably proud.

You absolutely deserve that gin. I cant wait until my DS is old enough to buy me a bottle 🤣😂🤣

Oh do fuck off. You are such a twat.

This is beautiful OP. What a wonderful post. You should be bursting with pride. I’m so happy for you and for them ❤️

Ffs.....is that all you can take from this wonderful post? You sad individual.

My dad broke his background and I knew more as I got older - and I am forever thankful and proud and amazed at what he did

guess your kids will be the same - proud thankful and amazed because it’s so hard to to - to recognise whats wrong and then to break the pattern